Pet or Pests [7.1a]

[Mrs. Wormley and Gary are growling each other again.]

Patrick: It looks like they're still not getting used to each other.

SpongeBob: Well, these things take time.

[Gary and Mrs. Wormsley start fighting again. SpongeBob and Patrick see the fight and they run and hide in SpongeBob's bed]

SpongeBob and Patrick: Duck and Cover!

[the fighting still continues outside of conch street]

Patrick: This town is getting too rough for me.

SpongeBob: He's chased her away! Now, who will care for her abandoned newborn infants?

Patrick: Maybe you could take care of them.

SpongeBob: Oh, no way Patrick. I've never seen Gary that upset.

Komputer Overload [7.1b]

Gullible Pants [7.2a]

Overbooked [7.2b]

No Hat for Pat [7.3a]

Frankie Billy: That guy still flopping?

Frank: Yeah! Amazing, isn't it?

Frankie Billy: Doesn't that get old?

Harold: He's got a point.

Frank: Yeah. You've seen enough?

Harold: Yeah, let's get out of here. [He, Frank, and another customer throw their food on the floor and leave]

Frankie Billy: Me, too. I'm out. [He throws his food on the floor and leaves like everybody else]

Mr. Krabs: What? Wait! Don't go! Why ya leaving?

Harold: This guy's act is stale! We crave excitement! [all the other customers argue]

Mr. Krabs: Okay, Okay! You want excitement? What if I added a box? [puts Patrick on a box as he falls from it] Huh? Huh?

Frankie Billy: Sort of the same, really.

Frank: Yeah.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, okay, so what if he flopped from two boxes...? [adds another box, but the customers are still bored] ...into a cream pie? [puts a cream pie in place]

Patrick: I like pie.

Frankie Billy: Say now.

Frank: That, I'd pay to see!

Toy Store of Doom [7.3b]

Sand Castles in the Sand [7.4a]

SpongeBob: [Floating gently down] All is fair in love and war my friend slash enemy, or should I say, my friend-enemy!? [presses a sand button where a jet fighter resembling an F-16 hovers in midair until SpongeBob lands in the cockpit. It then starts chasing Patrick's robot head] Let's have some real fun! [Presses a button that launches two missiles that fly towards Patrick. Patrick screams as he turns his robot head away from the missiles]

Shell Shocked [7.4b]

Chum Bucket Supreme [7.5a]

Mini Brain Patrick 1: Forget about what that word means! There's a fire breaking out in the language lobes!

Mini Brain Patrick 2: We need to get outta here! [Mini Brain Patrick 3 pushes on a door with signs saying "PULL TO OPEN"]

Mini Brain Patrick 3: The door's jammed!

Mini Brain Patrick 2: Push harder! [all Mini Brain Patricks start moaning and coughing]

Karen: Don't look now, but I think your catchy slogan days are numbered.

Nat: [barfs on floor] Something's not right.

Pilar: Yeah, I know, I keep sayin' "Chum is Fum" but it's...ehh...it's just not working.

Nat: I'm outta here. [throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]

Pilar: [also throws chumstick on the floor and leaves]

Plankton: [To Patrick who is sleeping] Patrick!

Patrick: [Wakes up] Huh?

Plankton: We're having a board meeting here! We need ideas!

Patrick: [Examining a line graph whose line ends in a toilet] Hmmmm...mmmhmmm...uh-huh. I think I see the problem. Your potty has a shocky thing in it!

Plankton: [Annoyed] NO! That's not it you FOOL! We need a new slogan! You need to come up with a new genius catchphrase like Chum is Fum! But different.

Patrick: Oh gotcha. Hmmmm. [Cut to Chum Bucket, whose slogan has been switched to "Fum is Chum!"]

Nat: I'm so happy that they changed that old tired slogan "Chum is Fum"!

Pilar: Yeah that new slogan, "Fum is Chum" is way cooler!

Nat: Way cooler!

Patrick: Excuse me, sir. [hands resignation slip] My resignation. [shows picture of himself in a fighter plane shooting bullets]

Single Cell Anniversary [7.5b]

Plankton: [singing]

Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.

Oh, my computer wife, Karen.

Put down those punch cards,

Put down those punch cards,

And listen to my ode.

Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.

Oh, my computer wife, Karen.

What compares to,

What compares to...

Ehhhh, um, eeh... AH-HA!

Your beautiful diodes?

[Instrumental break]

Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.'

Oh, my computer wife, Karen.

I was blinded, yes, I was blinded,

I was blinded by the light of your cathode ray.

Oh, I built you, yes, I built you,

I built you in the - ehhh... erm...

In the shape of a cube!

Oh, my Karen. Oh, my Karen.

You'll never know how much I love your vacuum tubes!

Pineapple Fever [7.8a]

Squidward: WHOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOO! SO LONG, SUCKERS! [falling] Oof! Oh, curse you, Preflumster! OOF! OH, CURSE YOU PREFLUMSTER!

Chum Caverns [7.8b]

Mr. Krabs: Satisfied with yourself, Plankton! Now you've trapped us all underground!

Fish #5: But at least we're trapped in a good restaurant!

Mr. Krabs: Capturing customers! I should've though of it sooner, but without Squidward, I need someone to work the register. [Cut to Plankton and a cave creature working the register. The creature raises its whip]

Cave Dweller #2: AAUUGGHHH!

Tentacle-Vision [7.10a]

Patrick: [laughing] My shorts are wet!

Squidward: Patrick, just how dumb are you?

Patrick: It varies.

I love Dancing [7.10b]

Squidward: [upon seeing SpongeBob dancing] That is the stupidest dance I've ever seen.

SpongeBob: [to Squidward] Who put you on the planet?

Twin Sisters: [singing] We're tiny, we're cuddly, we're bubbly, wubbly, huggly!

Talent Agent: That was very cute, girls! [then annoyed] In fact, it's too cute. You're out.

Twin Sisters: I told you it was a stupid idea... and I hate you, too!

Growth Spout [7.11a]

Cracker: What am I, chopped liver?

Offscreen voice: No, that's what I am. [zoom out showing a jar of chopped liver]

Mrs. Puff: [in her sleep] Must...protect garden.

Squidward's house: Oh, well. I needed to lose a little weight anyway.

Stuck in the Wringer [7.11b]

SpongeBob: I guess crying does solve your problems after all.

Someone's in the Kitchen with Sandy [7.12a]

The Inside Job [7.12b]

[Plankton unplugs SpongeBob's ear drum]

Plankton: Let me see what I can tune in here. Hmm.

Mr. Krabs: The secret of the Krabby Patty formula is-

Plankton: Jackpot!

Spongebob: Huh?

Mr, Krabs: I said-

SpongeBob: Could you speak a little louder, please?

Mr. Krabs: The secret to the Krabby Patty formula-

SpongeBob: What?

Mr. Krabs: Hold on.

Plankton: Here it comes!

Mr. Krabs: [shouting into a megaphone] THE SECRET TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS...! [The shouting causes Plankton's ears to pop]

Plankton: OW! I hate my life!

Plankton: Enough with these petty carnal senses. If I'm going to get the Krabby Patty recipe...[he arrives at...] The brain!

[Snickering evily, he sticks one end of the mind connector to the brain and absorbs some of it]

Plankton: Hi, friend! [he gasps as he saw "Superficial Greetings" on the brain] "Superficial Greetings"? What kind of idiot...? [sees the parts of the brain] -"Personal Opinions"? "Knock-knock Jokes"?! No, no, no, no! This is all useless!

Greasy Buffoons [7.13a]

Mr. Krabs/Plankton: Oh, no! Did somebody call the Health inspector?

Health inspector: Did somebody call a... Health inspector?

Model Sponge [7.13b]

Keep Bikini Bottom Beautiful [7.14a]

A Pal for Gary [7.14b]

[Spongebob sees little puffy fish being sold by a peddler, and becomes enticed by them and decides to get one of them for Gary]

SpongeBob: I'll take that one right there!

Store Owner: You wish to have one of my rare and extremely dangerous... huh?

SpongeBob: Oh yeah this is the one. [picks one of them]

Store Owner: Beware, boy, this is no ordinary pet!

SpongeBob: Oh, Gary's gonna be so happy!

Store Owner: You must understand. These pets can be very unstable. especially around other pets!

[She proves this by showing a picture of a cat next to another puffy fish, who snarls at it.]

SpongeBob: [obliviously] Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks, bye. [he runs off]

Store Owner: Why bother? They never listen.

Spongebob: Ahh. I can rest so peacefully, now that Gary's got a good pal they could play with.

[Just as he goes to sleep, Gary bursts through the door, scared and meowing in alarm, causing him to wake up with a start.]

Spongebob: Gary! Shame on you! [takes Gary back in the living room] Puffy Fluffy is perfectly harmless. [he takes the blanket off, revealing what he thinks is normal Puffy Fluffy] See there he is fast asleep. Now will you let me sleep, Gary, please? [sets Gary back on a small green bed and covers him with a small blanket] Good night. [goes back to bed]

[After Spongebob wakes up and notices the damage to the house, thanks to Puffy Fluffy]

Spongebob: Huh? What's this? Must have been a sea quake last night. Oh well, what are you gonna do? [opens the galley door which falls over] That's unusual. WHOA! [sees the library which is a total wreck] My library! [gasps] And my prized memoirs of T.S. Halibut! [gasps] My clothes! [picks up his torn pants] This was no random sea quake, Who could have done this? Why, there was no one here except... [mistakenly realizes something] ...Gary. I bet he's jealous about the new friend!

Yours, Mine and Mine [7.15a]

Patrick: Uh, I'm not home right now! Please leave a message! Beeeep...

SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me! SpongeBob! It's my turn to play with the toy!

Patrick: I can't go out! I just washed my hair!

SpongeBob: You don't have any h-come out, Patrick! It's MY turn!

Patrick: Got any ID?

SpongeBob: I have my milkshake dispenser operator license.

Patrick: [looks at it] Looks fake to me pal! Bye-Bye now!

SpongeBob: Well, I guess I had best be going! [Pretends to walk away] I'm walking away...Here I go... [quietly] I'm gone now! [hides on Patrick's antenna]

Patrick: You sure?

SpongeBob: I'm sure! [Patrick comes out, he jumps at him] Hi, Patrick! Time to SHARE!

Patrick: DECEIVER! You didn't leave at all!

SpongeBob: Oh, and you were washing your hair!?!

Patrick: I was too, See? [shows his armpit hair]

SpongeBob: [Surprised] Gary was so right about you! You're a non-sharer!

Patrick: Gary said that? You're off my friend list, Gary!

Gary: Meow. [turns and slithers back into SpongeBob's house]

SpongeBob: Hand it over, Patrick! I get to play with the Patty Pal today!

Patrick: You can't take it, It's not fair!

SpongeBob: How about I take it for half a day?

Patrick: Mm-mm!

SpongeBob: How about we trade off every hour?

Patrick: Mm-mm!

SpongeBob: Every half hour?

Patrick: Mm-mm!

SpongeBob: Every fifteen minutes?

Patrick: Mm-mm!

SpongeBob: Five minutes?

Patrick: Mm-mm!

SpongeBob: One minute?

Patrick: N-n-no!

SpongeBob: Okay then, for our final offer we trade off every second!

[They pass Patty Pal back and fourth every second]

Patrick: One.

SpongeBob: One.

Patrick: One.

[Pause, Patrick runs off while SpongeBob tears himself angrily]

Kracked Krabs [7.15b]

Mr. Krabs:: Lad, you're surrounded by stingy wisdom, so try to pick up some pointers. But whatever you do, don't lend anyone money!

SpongeBob:: [lending money to another crab] 25, 26...

The Curse of Bikini Bottom [7.16a]

Squidward in Clarinetland [7.16b]

Squidward: Order up, SpongeBob!

[walk towards SpongeBob]

Squidward: SpongeBob! What do you think you're doing? You're supposed to be fry cooking. I told you not to touch my stuff!

SpongeBob: I didn't! I wore protective gloves! And besides, don't you like how classy it look now?

Squidward: Velvet..

SpongeBob: Now I'd like to stand by and idly chat with you, Squidward, But I must attend to my Krusty Krab duties! In the future, please keep your interruptions to a minimum sir, please!

Squidward: Hey, come back! I need my clarinet! Come Back! Where are you? Sponge-

[bumps into an eagle head]

Eagle: I am the keeper of the horned forest, state your business here.

Squidward: uuhh.. I'm.. trying to find my clarinet.

Eagle: Your clarinet?

Squidward:: Yes, my clarinet! Which I am the proud owner.

[Eagle laughs]

Eagle: A clarinet is not owned. Why don't you tell me why you're really here?

Squidward: You calling me a LIAR?!

[Eagle grabs Squidward with his tongue]

Eagle: I don't appreciate your tone.

Squidward: I'm sorry I-I-I didn't mean to offend you.

Eagle: This is a sacred place where clarinets live without persecution. You need to learn respect.

Squidward: [Eagle squeezed squidward tightly] I've learned.. [loosely] I've learned respect...

Eagle: I don't believe you.

[Swallows Squidward and he ends up in the stomach, Squidward sees SpongeBob]

Back to the Past [7.18a]

Mermaid Men:

#2: [running out of the time machine along with the second Barnacle Boy, Spongebob and Patrick] Keep your tongue out of my tarter sauce!

#1: Imposters!

#2: Who are you calling imposter, imposter? I must prevent our tarter sauce from being eaten by that... [pans to Patrick] ...That fool!

#1: If I want to get near my tarter sauce, I gotta go through me first!

#2: I’m gonna make you eat those words!

#1: Bring It! [gets "slapped"] Take this! ["punches" himself's hair] I’ll never let you win!

#2: Oh, yes I will!

Young: What do you make of this, Barnacle Boy?

Young Barnacle Boy: Tangled Timeline, Mermaid Man. I...

Man Ray: [laughs wickedly] You old coots provided me the perfect distraction. Now prepare to be disappeared!

Young Mermaid Man: Sounds good on paper, you purveyor of pure evil, but, fortunately, we all know what happens to paper underwater. Barnacle Boy, the tartar sauce. [pours tartar sauce on the Second Man Ray]

Patrick 2: Wow! I've never eaten that much tartar sauce.

Patrick 1: Yes, you have.

Patrick 2: Well, it sure ain't sittin' right.

Man Ray: [laughs wickedly] Foolish mools. Once again, your buffoonery has given me victory! [blows up the tartar sauce can and laughs wickedly] Oh, I'm going to savor this. It's not every day I get to defeat Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy three times over! [is about to shoot two SpongeBobs, Patrick, two Old Mermaid Mans and Barnacle Boys but another time machine comes]

SpongeBob 2: [He along with the second Patrick comes out of the machine] Patrick, don’t eat the tartar sauce!

Man Ray: You’re too late! Your fat friend beat you to it. Now, prepare to taste laser! [another time machine comes, which it opens, and the third SpongeBob and Patrick are falling, screaming] So how...

SpongeBob 4: [The time machine door with the fourth SpongeBob and Patrick] I told you we had to go back farther!

Man Ray: Uh... [Tries to think but another time machine comes]

Mermaid Man 3: Up, up, and away! [The third Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump out and fall to the ground]

SpongeBob 5: [another time machine opens with the fifth Patrick also] Now, Patrick! [He along with the fifth Patrick pour tartar sauce on the third Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy and drop the can on them]

Man Ray: I can't get my head around this. Where are they all coming from? [Man Ray 2's machine comes] Another machine? [Man Ray 2 comes out]

Man Ray 2: [shoots his own whole time machine and laughs wickedly] I took care of your blasted time machine! [laughs again and flies away]

Man Ray: Uh! I got to sit down and think this through.

Young Mermaid Man: [chains Man Ray] Gotta! You've got plenty of time for thinking in the stony lonesome.

Man Ray: I'm sorry, did you say something? I'm still trying to comprehend what just happened here.

Young Mermaid Man: It's pretty simple, really. You were defeated by a convoy of continuum-cruising crime stoppers. Thank you, SpongeBob and Patrick.

Four SpongeBobs and Two Patricks: You're welcome!

SpongeBob 6 and Patrick 6: [another time machine which holds seven SpongeBobs and six Patricks comes] Oh, hi there! Hello! Hello! Hello!

One Other Patrick: Hey! Oh, I can't believe it!

One Other SpongeBob: We just wanted to come back and revisit the day that evil was defeated forever.

SpongeBob 7: [another time machine appears] Hey, how you doing?

Patrick 7: We're here.

Eighth and Ninth SpongeBobs and Patricks: [two time machines appear] Oh, hi there! How you doing?

Tenth SpongeBob and Patrick: Hello! Hello!

Even More SpongeBobs and Patricks: [more appear] Oh hi there! [More and more appear while the episode pans into outer space] Hello! Hello!

The Bad Guy Club for Villains [7.18b]

Patrick: Hey, what happened? Why are those squiggles on the screen?

SpongeBob: Those are called "End Credits", Patrick.

Patrick: End credits? But I don't want it to end!

SpongeBob: That's why Neptune gave us the rewind button! [pushes a button]

Patrick: Thank you, Neptune! [The screen goes back to the beginning and zooms in before the episode ends]

A Day Without Tears [7.19a]

SpongeBob: He was a good little Krabby Patty. [sniffs] I didn't know him well, but in the few short seconds between grill and floor, I-[opens the trash lid and begins crying]-I came to love him! [the patty slowly slides off his spatula and into the trash bin] It just isn't fair! [he cries even louder, soaking and enraging Squidward from the counter window]

Squidward: SpongeBob, will you stop crying?!

SpongeBob: But the Krabby Patty fell on the floor and then he...

Squidward: Krabby Patty nothing!

SpongeBob: I-

Squidward: [shouting] KRABBY PATTY NOTHING! [breathes heavily. SpongeBob whimpers] What now?

SpongeBob: [stifled] You yelled at me... [wailing] YOU YELLED AT ME! [continues sobbing]

Squidward: All right, look. So far today, and it's not even 2:00 yet, you have cried 43 times.

SpongeBob: And you wrote that number on a chalkboard.

Squidward: Yes!

SpongeBob: Why?

Squidward: [pauses for a second] I have no idea.

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, there's no way I cry that much. There's not that many tears in my brain.

Squidward: Au contraire. [turns on a TV]

SpongeBob: What's this?

Squidward: It's a quick montage of flashbacks I've edited together that shows the hundreds of tears you have cried over the years.

[the video begins to play, showing SpongeBob crying in the Krusty Krab, in a grocery store, at Mrs. Puff's Boating School, in Jellyfish Fields, in the bathroom, and more like near a bus stop for no reason]

SpongeBob: [in the video] Boo! Hoo! Boohoo! Sob. Whimper.

Narrator: Thousands of tears later...

[SpongeBob continues to watch himself crying in the video]

SpongeBob: Wow, guess I do cry a lot. I promise I won't cry anymore.

Squidward: Oh, nonsense! I bet you can't go the rest of the day without crying.

SpongeBob: [realizes something] Excuse me a minute. [he walks up to a rotary telephone and dials it, Patrick appears lazily sitting on his couch when his own phone rings]

Patrick: [answers it] Star... residence. Patrick speaking.

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick.

Patrick: Hey, buddy! Is it 7:30 already?

SpongeBob: No, I'm still at work.

Patrick: How can I help you?

SpongeBob: Do you think that I could go the rest of the day without crying?

Patrick: [mouth full with popcorn] Well, of course you can.

SpongeBob: Okay, great, thanks, Patrick.

Patrick: Umm... sure. And did you remember to put that package outside where I told you?

SpongeBob: Yeah, but I left it in a different spot. Just ask Gary, he knows where it is.

Patrick: Oh, yeah. [laughs with his mouth full] Hey, good one, buddy. You almost had me there.

SpongeBob: [chuckles] Okay.

Patrick: Yeah, talk to you later.

SpongeBob: All right, see ya. [hangs up, then walks back up to Squidward] Okay, it's a bet.

Squidward: [shakes SpongeBob's hand] Fine. If you cry one tear before midnight, you have to... [thinks] Wash my bike, clean out my rain gutters, and do all my yard work for a year.

SpongeBob: Sounds fair to me. And if I make it to midnight without crying, you'll come to a slumber party at my place. Just you and me. [Squidward retches and swallows] Ooh, what's the matter?

Squidward: Um, nothing, I just threw up a little in my mouth. [begins talking in his thoughts] No need to worry, Squiddy. You've outdone yourself. He'll be crying in ten minutes.

Summer Job [7.19b]

One Coarse Meal [7.20a]

Karen: My triumphant husband returns. How'd you fail this time?

Plankton: Krabs had a whale!

Karen: You mean his big, bad, scary teenage daughter?

Plankton: I hear that mocking tone in your voice, Karen, and I don't appreciate it! Don't you remember what happened to my ancestors at the hands of those beasts?!

[Plankton's family is shown being eaten by a whale]

Karen: Okay, when you need a break from your delusional paranoia, the trash needs some attention. It's ripened.

Plankton: [crying] What's the point of going on? I'll just be tortured for the rest of my life by that whale! [lies down] That's it. I'm done. The 4:15 bus should be along any time now.

SpongeBob: Hi, Plankton. What are you doing laying in the middle of the road?

Plankton: Go away, Cheese head! Can't you see I'm trying to get run over?! In fact, better yet, just step on me as hard as you can. Would you do that for me?

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Plankton, but that flies in the face of my good nature.

Plankton: Forget it, kid. I'll just wait for the next bus. Go on back to the Krusty Krab and enjoy yourself.

Gary In Love [7.20b]

The Play's the Thing [7.21a]

SpongeBob: Squidward, no! Those patties aren't fit for public consumption!

Squidward: Here, enjoy!

SpongeBob: [tries not to cry] Bless you all.

Patrick: I like throwing food. [chucks a burnt Krabby Patty at SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: OW!

All: FOOD FIGHT!

Squidward: AAAAAHH!

Patrick: Haw haw! Ah haw haw! [hurls an anchor]

Rodeo Daze [7.21b]