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Adventure Time (2010–present) is an American animated television series on Cartoon Network. The series follows the adventures of a boy named Finn (voiced by Jeremy Shada) and his best friend and adoptive brother Jake (voiced by John DiMaggio)—a dog with the magical power to change shape and size at will.

Sons of Mars [5.1]

Gob: Magic Man, you caused nothing but turmoil and chaos for us on Mars. We thought banishing you to this world would help you see the light of our utopian supersociety. Now tell us. What have you learned in these past 200 years?

Jake (Magic Man): ...Are you guys talkin' to me?

Glob: You know you made life on Mars a nightmare!

[Finn wakes up groaning to see Grob Gob Glob Grod and Jake in Magic Man's body]

Gob: Now we must return you to Mars, where vengeance awaits thee.

Finn: That's not—

[Grob Gob Glob Grod blasts off into the sky with Jake. Finn looks at Magic Man in Jake's body]

Finn: Magic Man! [pounds him] Get up!

Magic Man: Did it work? Is he gone?

Finn: [flips himself back up] Hyup-hoop! They took my friend to Mars! Fly me there and help me save him!

Magic Man: Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't. You see? [wiggles fingers] The transfer drained me. I can probably barely float. So, I just gotta wait till they kill your friend. See ya! [floats away laughing before Finn jumps on his back]

Finn: NO!! What do you mean "kill"?!

Magic Man: They're gonna put him on trial for my crimes. Ain't nobody gonna pardon these crimes on my head. Not even the King of Mars! And once he's dead, my magic juice will return to my body. Flowing through me like moonlight through the ghost dance.

Finn: [squeezes Magic Man] SQUEEEEZE!!!

Magic Man: I wish I could help. Except I don't!

Finn: You succubutt!

Gob: He is here somewhere, my brothers. Glob, can you see Magic Man on the sensor?

Glob: Yes, Gob. Our little brother is very close.

Grob: Hey, flip me!

Glob: Okay. [flips Grob's head on the front]

Grob: I'm gonna activate the thingy that drains his magic juice. [activates sensor]

Magic Man: Nahhh! My juice! [wiggles fingers] Not... flowing... right. Dream on, honey! You can't catch this! [he starts running then jumps into the air doing a continuous somersault] Magic away! Pshewww! [disappears momentarily then pops back on the ground] Whap!

Grob: I think I see him.

Grod: Yes, I see him as well.

Glob: Hey guys?

Grob/Grod: What, Glob?

Glob: ...Nothing, never mind.

Burning Low [5.2]

Jake: Looks like your date went pretty good, buddy.

Finn: Uh... I don't know. Was the hug okay? Give me some tips, mang.

Jake: Bro, you gotta let things take their natural path. Look. [forms his arm into a staircase with 15 steps] Look, let me explain some junk about dating. Right now you're at Tier 1, which is hugging. But pretty soon, you'll be at Tier 2, which is smooching. Then down the road you'll make it to Tier 5, where she'll let you discover all fifteen feet of her long, beautiful stomach. And after a while, you'll make it to Tier 8, where you touch her horn for the very first time. Very special.

Finn: What about Tier 15?

Jake: [sharply] You stay away from that! [beat] Do not do Tier 15!!!

Finn: Dude, I got no idea what you're talking about.

Bubblegum: Finn!

Finn: [high-pitched] AAHHH!!!

Bubblegum: Whatcha doin'?

Finn: Oh, uh— hi, Princess! I'm, uh, writing something for Jake.

Bubblegum: Oh, well, speaking of Jake, did he explain everything to you?

Finn: Yeah.

Bubblegum: And you understand?

Finn: [turns away] Yeah, I understand.

Bubblegum: Finn, sometimes you want someone and you [puts hand on Finn's left knee] want to kiss them, and be with them. But you can't, because responsibility demands sacrifice.

Finn: [incredulous] What are you trying to say?!

Bubblegum: I'm trying to say that you're a hero, Finn. You're my hero. So, I'm glad you understand why you can't be with Flame Princess. [Finn stands up, enraged]

Finn: Bubblegum, I can't do this anymore!!

Bubblegum: What?

Finn: Now you like me?!

Bubblegum: Finn, what are you talking about?

Finn: What am I talking about?! [grunts] PB, I was... geh...eh... I was in love with you! Okay?! And you didn't love me back! Now I'm ready to move on, and it's like... [grunts] you're gonna build me up all over again! Well, I'm done! I'm done.

BMO Noire [5.3]

BMO: [corners a rat] Hello, Ronnie. [moves his lips]

Ronnie: [BMO's voice] "What do you want, BMO?" [squeaks]

BMO: Where is Finn's sock?

Ronnie: "I don't know what you're talking about, BMO. I didn't do nothing. Leave me alone!" [grooms his face; zoom on a lipstick smudge on the back of his neck]

BMO: [voiceover] I knew that lipstick anywhere. [spoke] How is Lorraine?

Ronnie: "You stay away from her! She is with me now, do you hear?"

BMO: Calm down, big guy. Me and Lorraine are... dinosaur bones.

Ronnie: "Good, 'cause I would be so jealous." [BMO shows picture to him]

BMO: Just tell me where the sock is, and I will let you go.

Ronnie: "I don't know, man!"

BMO: What if I put some knuckle in your eyeballs? Would that help you think?

Ronnie: "Okay, okay! Um... [BMO grabs arm pointing to Finn's sock] It looks like a grape juice stain on his sock. Check the pantry."

BMO: [voiceover] Bebe owned Bebe's, a dance club downtown. He yells at ladies.

[BMO walks to the remote on the floor and puts his foot down on Bebe]

BMO: Wake up, brainiac.

Bebe: "BMO? Aah— aah! Arrgh!!"

BMO: Where is the sock, Bebe?

Bebe: "Uh— [coughing] I don't know nothin' bout socks!"

BMO: Don't play dumb, Bebe! [takes some soot out the oven] Don't play dumb with me!

[he smothers the soot on Bebe and starting coughing even worse]

BMO: I talked to Lorraine, Bebe. She sold you out, dum-dum!

Bebe: "No! She-she wouldn't do that! It wasn't me, I swear! It was Ronnie!"

BMO: Ronnie? But why?

Bebe: "I don't know, man! I don't know! [sobbing] Oh, Lorraine!" [Bebe continues sobbing; BMO looks into his dirty sooted hands]

BMO: I'm gonna go wash this shmutz off my grabbers. When I get back, you better start talking sense.

NEPTR: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hey, BMO. Wake up, buddy. Are you all right? [BMO gets up]

BMO: NEPTR? I feel like l got hit with a Dracula by King Kong.

NEPTR: Whoa, sorry, man. You want some pie or something?

BMO: Sorry, I gotta run. The cops are after me. Have you seen any down here?

NEPTR: Nah. No one's been down here all day, expect me, you, and Ronnie.

BMO: What?! What was Ronnie doing down here?

NEPTR: I don't know. But now my sensors indicate that some treasure is missing. [spins around] About a sock's worth.

BMO: [gasps] That's it! That's why Ronnie took the sock—to carry stolen treasure in with! He had to whack Bebe to keep him from squealing, then he pinned the rap on me.

NEPTR: Bebe's dead?

BMO: Listen, NEPTR, you better lay low for a while. I'm gonna go find Ronnie. [climbs ladder] I've got a score to settle.

NEPTR: Hey, BMO! We should hang out more. We're both robots.

BMO: [beat] No, NEPTR. I am not like you.

King Worm [5.4]

Pep But: You need to find this worm and break it.

Finn: Find the worm? But you got him right there! Hahh! [no worm but a spoon]

Phil: [peeks out behind Pep But] SATORI!!

King Worm: [a little deflated, and uses a weaker voice] Hey, why don't you sit down or pass out or something?

Finn: [angrily] Never!!!

Finn: [in a rather deep, manly tone] GET OUT OF OUR HOUSE, KING WORM!

Who Would Win [5.5]

Jake: [as a cape] Looks like a beach brawl

Finn:Looks like there trying to drown a barn

Jake:That's not abarn man[the white barn-like creature rises from the water] that's a dude

Finn: What's goin' on here, tough boy? What is that huge dude?

Marauder: He's The Farm, the legendary fighter of the Shiney Isles. I came here to participate in his open challenge, but this mother can't be beat!

The Farm: Give up, worms! My fight power is supreme! I'm too [punches water] freaking legendary for you!!

[Finn and Jake stare in awe as The Farm continues pummeling the lake with farm animals dropping down his barn onto a group of fighters; The Farm punches one nearby]

All Marauders: [chanting] Train! Train! Train! Train! Train!

Finn: Whoa! [see people cheering to an imposing figure on a cliff]

Marauder 2: I love you, The Train!

Marauder 3: You're almost as legendary as The Farm, The Train!

The Train: The Train is gonna smack you down on his tracks! Whoop! [jumps down into lake] Your caboose is mine! [runs toward The Farm] Choo-choo! Choo-choo!!

Finn: Oh, my Glob... [watches The Train running underneath The Farm]

The Train: Choooo! [gets crushed by The Farm] Ow! My legs are backwards! Oh! Why?! [The Farm kicks him ashore in front of Finn and Jake] Ohh, you're mean! [farts]

Finn: Did you just die?

The Train: No... The Train will chug on... My friend makes bionic legs. I'll be better than before.

Finn: [gasps] I want bionic legs! Who's your friend?

The Train: Yeah, right. It's secret! [begins dragging himself away] Ah! Don't follow me. [continues dragging] Oh! Train can do this. [drags out of scene]

Jake: You don't want bionic legs. It ain't natchy.

Finn: I don't care about natchy.

Jake: Let's discuss this later.

Jake: Hey, did you dream about Dream Warrior?

Finn: Yeah. What was he trying to tell us exactly?

Jake: I don't know, I didn't get it. But listen, man. I'm sorry I got mad at you. Who cares about my high score at "Kompy"? It ain't important.

Finn: No, man. It is important. Being the third best at something is math and deserves respect, not like I did to "Kompy". Anyway, I think we both got cranky after all that training.

Jake: Well, good thing we're rested, 'cause now we can beat this beast.

Finn: Yeah. [see groups of marauders cheering on the cliff] Oh, hey! Look!

Jake: The dudes came back to watch us fight!

Finn: A'ight. This is it. Let's use what we learned in training!

Jake: Uh... All we did was fight dirty with cheap— wait...

Dream Warrior: [flashback] My cars are che-e—che-e-eap.

Jake: Dream Warrior was telling us which cheap moves to use on The Farm! Headlights mean eyes!

Finn: Mud in the eyes!

Jake: Give-up-on-life pants!

Finn: [pants down] Pull down his pants like you did to moi!

Jake: Two golden apples!

Finn: Hm... I think I know what that means.

Jake: Well, sure, I can make a wild guess.

Finn: You ready, man?

Jake: Yeah, dude! [they bump fists; whispers] Put your pants on.

Finn: [deep voice] Okay.

Lady & Peebles [5.6]

Rainicorn: Gyaenedeul chaj-ass-eoyo? ("Did you find them?") [PB checks device]

Bubblegum: My GPS shows Finn and Jake over there. I think that's where the Ice King has them hostage.

Rainicorn: Gyaenedeul anjeonhalkkayo? ("Will they be okay?")

Bubblegum: I'm sure the boys are fine. The Ice King isn't usually a serious threat. [digs duffle bag] Besides, this'll be easy with the two of us. [holds up robotic kettle and cup] We've got science on our side.

Kettle: Your tea is ready. [PB pours] Pouring. Pouring.

Rainicorn: Jeikeuga siljongdoegi jeon-e naega wolnamgugsu myeon-i jilgidago malhaess-eoyo. A, naega wae geuleon mal-eul haess-eulkka... Museun nappeun il-i saeng-gyeoss-eumyeon eotteoghae?! Gyaega mandeun gugsu mas-eobsdago han ge uliui majimag daehwayeoss-eoyo. ("I told Jake that his Vietnamese noodles were too tough before he went missing. Why did I say such a thing?! What if something bad happens to him?! The last conversation we had was that his noodles were tough...")

Bubblegum: It's okay, Lady. Jake knows you love him.

Rainicorn: Mianhaeyo. Naega gugsuleul neomu manh-i meog-eossna bwayo. ("Sorry. I guess I've eaten too many noodles.")

Bubblegum: Don't worry. Just try to relax. [Lady lowers herself; PB checks watch] I'll work on my holo-entry. [projects holo-entry] It's been three weeks since Finn and Jake disappeared while battling the Ice King. I've activated a secret GPS implanted in Finn's ear. It has lead us to an uncharted black ice cave... but I've spent hours calculating every possible danger and am well-prepared.

Rainicorn: Geunom-i kal-eul deulgo deombimyeon eotteoghaeyo?! ("What if he attacks you with a knife?!")

Bubblegum: Then I'll pull out my electrode gun.

Rainicorn: Geunom-i gongjunim-eul haechilyeogo hamyeon-yo?! ("What if he tries to hurt you?!")

Bubblegum: Then I'll use my ball-blam-burgler-ber! Lady, it'll be fine. We've got science!

Rainicorn: A... maj-ayo, naega jom geogjeong-i simhan pyeon-ijyo. Jeon ban sal-eun sichedeul-i uli jib-eul gong-gyeoghaneun agmong-e sidallyeoyo. Uli samchon, oesugmo, sachondeul-i da jib-e iss-eoss-eoyo. Agiga wicheung-eseo uneun solikkaji saengsaenghi deullindanikkayo. naega uli gajogdeul-eul jikil suman issdamyeon — geu kkum kkuneun dong-an eolmana seuteuleseu bad-eumyeon ippalkkaji mujihage gal-ayo. ("You're right. I worry too much sometimes. I always get haunted by this nightmare where zombies attack my house! My uncle, aunt-in-law, and cousins are all present in my house. I even hear the baby crying coming from the upstairs. If I could just protect my dear family. [PB becomes shocked] I become too stressful during that dream. I even grind my own teeth!")

[Lady grinds her teeth; PB gasps]

Rainicorn: Da-eumnal il-eonamyeon ippaldeul-i geum gaiss-eoyo. Botong jeon geunyang geuleon geos kkum-ilani, naega geogjeong-eul saseo haji hamyeo ij-eobeolilyeogo haeyo. Jega geu ban sal-eun sichedeul-ege jeongmal du beon-ina gong-gyeogdanghaess-eossjanh-ayo. ("When I wake up in the morning, all my teeth are cracked up! I usually try to forget about it, thinking that it's just a dream or I'm being paranoid, but I was actually attacked by zombies before, twice.")

Bubblegum: Hmm, I suppose that's true. [pours tea into snow] Let's roll.

Ice King: [echoed thru vent] This is total bunk, you copier! You're only in love with her cos I'm in love with her!!

Lady Rainicorn: Ice King!

Ice King: I've been playing this game a lot longer than you, pal! I've been working my moves, smooth-talking her, showing her magic tricks! Don't ignore me! Come back!!

You Made Me [5.7]

Lemongrab: Blombo, what is that?

Jamaica: What?

Lemongrab: On Blombo's ears?

Jamaica: That's his headphones!

Lemongrab: Blombo, take them off! Blombo! You must heed my INSTRUCTIONS!!! TAKE OFF YOUR THIIIINGS!!!

Toughy: Woah! Settle down, Lemongrease!

Lemongrab: I-I am not GREASE!! THIS IS UNACCEPTABAAAAHHHHHHLE!!!!!

Blombo: What? What's goin' on?

Lemongrab: All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be reconditioned!

Blombo: Man, are you crazy!?

Lemongrab: YAAAAAAAHHHHOOOOU MEEEEEEEAHHIIEE!!!!

Finn and Jake: Show us now!

Banana Guards: Show you what?

Finn and Jake: What you said!

Banana Guards: We didn't say nothin'!

Finn and Jake: It's too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! NOW SHOW US!!

The Hard Easy [5.8]

Woobeewoo: Here we are: the village of my people. It doesn't have an official name, but I call it "South Woobeewoo". [thunder rumbles] Uh, this way. [they walk over to a red mudscamp wearing a jingle bell on top of two mudscamps] This is the village elder. He'll fill you in on the deets.

Mudscamp Elder: Greeting, heroes. [squirts red sauce at Jake]

Jake: Blehh!! Ohh! Ughh!!

Mudscamp Elder: I'm so sorry about that. You know, we-we secrete stink-oil all day o-out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you. Anyway, let me cut the cheese.

Mudscamp: [whispers] Cut to the chase.

Mudscamp Elder: Yes. You know, I mean, of course, cut to the chase. I mean, for many... for many moons now, our village has been under siege by the Mega Frog.

[flashback to see a ginormous frog beast approaching the village; it croaks and lets out a loud revolting roar]

Mudscamp Elder: He's 100 stories of 110 percent 10-speed terror like bam—like fresh out the grease. I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home, trying to eat us alive. We-we've always managed to escape, but it's crazy scary. I mean, w-what if you got ate? Think about it. All alone in a stomach full of acid? [high voice] "Mommy! Mommy, mommy, help me!" [low voice] "Billy, is that you? Mommy, you sound exactly—" "Mommy, you sound exactly like me... Mommy, you sound exactly like me!" "Billy, uh..." [normal voice] Anyway... If this keeps up, we'll have to move to the city and get jobs. We don't know how-how to do anything cool. Look, see? The-they're already practicing, the poor fools. They don't know what they're in for.

Jake: Whoa! Relax, buddy! You're talkin' to the right couple of guys.

Finn: Yeah, man! Me and Jake will bust this Mega Frog up right up his bumblestop! [imitates bomb whistling, exploding]

Mudscamp Elder: That is excellent news. I mean, h-here, take this, please. [two mudscamps bring in a bag of lollipops] It's not much, b-but it's all we have. [Finn takes bag] It's... it's a bag of lollies.

Jake: That's nice! Thanks, man!

Mudscamp Elder: Now farewell, heroes. We're counting on you... for reals!

Ignition Point [5.9]

Finn: What's going on with the costumes?

Costumed Fire Actor: This is a theater troop, we're getting ready to preform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. Ofcourse, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troop.

Jake: I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators. You'll have one shoe untied, I will talk with hiss voice. We'll talk about how we wanna kill the king. As we do this we'll study the faces of the audience and look for guilty reaction.

Finn: That's brilliant!

Jake: Thanks, it's an original idea. By me.

Flame King: Furnius and Torcho!

Furnius: Hello, uncle.

Flame King: Arrest the executioners. I thought I had you two extinguished.

Furnius: You cannot quench the flames of revenge.

Torcho: You snuffed out our father to become king!

Furnius: Oh, yeah. [Laughs]. Take them to the punishment room.

Reign of Gunters [5.10]

Ice King: Ah, let's see. [looks at sign above shop door] That's the symbol for magic items, right? [sees Huntress Wizard standing nearby] Hey, this is the magic items shop, right?

Huntress Wizard: What's it look like, ya donk?

Ice King: I know that, I know! Why can't they write it on the sign, though? Why's it all gotta be secret? Let's just put it all out there, huh? Equal distribution of magic to the people! No more symbols! No more initiations! You feeling me, Huntress Wizard?

Huntress Wizard: You tryin' to get killed, Ice King?

Ice King: Uh-uh, I was just steppin' to ya, girl, with my intellectual wizard politics. [she leaves; whispers] No, don't go! Ugh. Well... "Swing at every ball," that's what Jay T. Dawgzone says.

Ice King: Hey! What's goin' on here? Why's this place all crazy? I was just flying by and— [sees Gunther, gasps] GUNTHER!! YOU TOOK MY STUFF!!

Gunther: Wenk.

Ice King: That's bad! You know what you get now?!

Gunther: [sadly] Wenk...

Ice King: That's right, you get the squirty-squirts. [squirts spray bottle at Gunther] Bad! Bad! Now take off my demonic wishing eye.

[Gunther takes off the demonic wishing eye and all the other penguins disappear]

Ice King: All right, Gunther, now go home.

Gunther: [walks off] Wenk.

Ice King: That's right, walk! And while you're walking home, you think about what you did! [sighs] It's getting worse and worse with him. He just— he hates it when I leave the castle. I'm sorry, guys.

Jake: Uh, dude, where have you been?!

Finn: Yeah, and why are you all jacked up?

Ice King: [chuckles] Well, I got into some crazy wiz-biz over at Wizard City. Honestly, I don't even know how I survived. Basically, it was the craziest showdown ever. I— [catches himself] I wish I could tell you all about it, but you know... "Wizards only, fools." Keep it tight.

I Remember You [5.11]

Finn: Well, well, well. [watching Ice King from a distance] Looks like Ice King is up to bad biscuits, braddah.

Jake: Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro.

Finn: Ice King, you make our job too easy. You ready to roll on this fool?

Jake: Dinner rowh!

Ice King: Hold on! [drops down on the floor] Do you... like me?

Marceline: Of course I do, you old jerk!

Ice King: Really? Wow. [wipes sleeve, spreads his arms wide] How about... one of these? [Marceline pauses for a beat. She embraces him, visibly bittersweet] Ah! [they pull back and look at each other's eyes; he then puckers his lips] Mwah, mwah, mwah... [Marceline gasps]

Marceline: AUUHH!! Not like that!! Dah, you don't remember anything, do you... Simon?!

Ice King: What-mon?

Marceline: Why do you even come see me when you don't remember me? You don't even know who you are!

Ice King: Yes, I do! I am a lyricist! [pulling pages out his beard] It's all here, on the page! The page! In song, baby! On this receipt! On this takeout menu! On these newspapers! [laughing]

Marceline: Huh? [grabs a page] Look! This clipping! This was you, Simon! Before the war!

Ice King: Huh..? [muttering] Heh?

The Lich [5.12]

Jake: I dreamt when I was in kindergarten, I guess. But I had really big feet. And was also the teacher.

Bear: Dark times are coming.

Jake: BILLY, WAKE UP!!!

Billy: What the heck are you guys doing in my crack!? It's 3 o'clock in the morning!!

Finn: Oh you know, just droppin' by to say hello, see what you been uhhhhhh... up to what uhh... How are these days..?

Jake: We came to see if you're dead.

Billy: What? Why would I be dead?

Finn: Hehe yeah.. stupid, umm... I had a dream about a bear and an old lady and a snail, and you were there and the snail killed you or something.

[...]

Billy: Was the Cosmic Owl there?

Finn: Uhh... yeah, on TV. Does that count?

Billy: Your dream is an ill omen of grave significance.

[...]

Billy: Finn?

Finn: Yeah?

Billy: Are you ready to come with me on a mission to save all life from the Lich?

Finn: ...Yes.

Finn the Human [5.13]

Prismo: Did you guys see that? You know there was a ghost wearing a dead guy. That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. N-n-n-n-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nas—

Jake: Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend, Billy! He got possessed by the Lich!

Prismo: Oh, sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends, and my uncle was nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.

Big Destiny: Huh? What is this? Are you tellin' me what to wear, Trammy?

Trammy: No, boss! You look good!

Big Destiny: You think I should reinvent my style, and put a stupid thing on my head!!?

Trammy: No, man!! You tell us what to wear!

Big Destiny: Otherwise you would dress like an idiot!! Bam! Crown shorts!

Jake the Dog [5.14]

Jake: [in Time Room] Finn? Finn! Hey, guy, where's my buddy?

Prismo: Oh, when he wished for the Lich to have never existed... [slurps cup] Finn left my Time Room and entered his wish-altered reality. We can watch him on my TV wall.

[a string of colors materializes into a remote. Prismo presses the on button and turns on TV wall; see ice-crown Finn and mule Bartram at the center of mutagenic destruction]

Jake: Whoa. Alternate-wish-world Finn is mad uglies. [sees Bartram] Dang, I'm mad uglies too! [Finn climbs up the ice] Everything looks nuts!

Prismo: Yes. Sometimes a well-intentioned wish can lead to... nuts. But, you know... you get a wish too.

Jake: What?!

Prismo: Yep, totally. [press button, mutes TV wall] You can have anything you want.

Jake: I wish for... a sandwich!

Prismo: A sandwich? You're gonna waste your one wish on a sandwich? You don't want anything else?

Jake: Nah, sandwich is good. Maybe about this big, or... this big. On ciabatta bread, maybe? Hmm, I don't know. Whatever you got around, your choice.

Prismo: Dude, I'll just make you a sandwich! You should use your wish on something important. [beat] You know... on someone who might need it? [looks at TV wall, Jake stares blankly] I'm talking about him over there.

Jake: Ohh...

The Lich: Ha ha ha... I wish, for the extinction of all life-efil- for Finn and Jake to go back home, to Ooo. [Realizes what he just said] Huh?! NO WAIT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I WISHED FOR!!

Prismo: Sorry, guy, you only get one wish. [The Lich and Prismo look towards Finn & Jake] Hey Jake, did you see that? Monkey's Paw. [Finn & Jake fade away]

[Finn and Jake reappear on Ooo, just outside the Candy Kingdom, it's night, and they reappear midair]

Finn & Jake: UGH!! [Both of them hit the ground]

Finn: [Shocked] JAKE! WHAT THE... WHY DID THE LICH WISH... WHA?! JAKE?!

Jake: It worked! [Hugs Finn]

[Bonnie leaves the castle and runs towards them]

Finn: Jake, this is serious! Something really messed up is happening!

Jake: HA HA! It already happened, and it never happened!

Bonnie: [Horrified] WHAT?! WHAT HAPPENED?!

Jake: Nothing, 'cause i saved everyone.

Five More Short Graybles [5.15]

Finn/Jake: OhwhatagodboyamI!

Jake: Little Jack Horner
Sat on a corner
Eating a Christmas pie
He put in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said, "What a good boy am I!"

Ice King: Ahhh, sweetie, this is bliss. Feels so math to finally be normal. Hah, not like those two freaks. [points to Finn and Jake sticking their thumbs in a snowman] What are they doin' over there? Anyway, I— Ohh, who's that?

[He looks at his other foot and there is a winking face on it]

Ice King: Oh. Oh my.

Up a Tree [5.16]

Finn: Sometimes a man... just has to retrieve his own disc.

[Finn wakes up to find himself in a cell guarded by a squirrel]

Squirrel: What?

Finn: Uhh... I didn't say anything. [long beat] What are they gonna do to me?

Squirrel: What?

Finn: What are they gonna do—

Squirrel: I'm not allowed to talk to you. [Finn slumps down for a beat] Anyone or anything that winds up in the tree becomes part of the tree forever and ever. In the tree, part of the tree.

Finn: So... does that mean I'm a prisoner forever?

Squirrel: Well, yes and no. Are you a prisoner? Yes. Will you ever be free? No. In the tree, part of the tree, it's very simple.

Finn: Doesn't that mean you're not allowed to leave, either?

Squirrel: No, I— well, yes and no. Am I allowed to leave the tree? No. Have I already left the tree? Am I miles away from the tree right now flying around like the flying squirrel that I am? Yes! [turns to Finn] In my mind! In my mind.

[the squirrel turns back and looks up the window, seeing the moving clouds and blue sky]

Finn: Do you like it here?

Squirrel: Yeah! Well, yes and no. Do I like the nuts and acorns? Yes. Do I like it when they put me down and say mean things like, "You're not a flying squirrel, you're just a regular squirrel! Nyahh!" ..No. Do I want to fly away from this place now? Yes. Would I make a break for it if I had a buddy to break out of here with? Yes.

Finn: Hey, buddy.

Squirrel: What? [Finn walks past the wide bars]

Finn: Let's get outta here.

All the Little People [5.17]

Finn: Hey, Jake, do you think you should date someone just like you, or someone who's like... your opposite?

Jake: I don't know. I'm the "first come, first serve" kinda guy. Get in line, ladies! This Rainicorn thing can't last forever! [chuckles] I didn't mean that. Don't spread that around.

Finn: So it's not good to weigh someone's qualities against your own?

Jake: Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you feel something. It's not about personality matrixels and charts, it's all about the bu-bumps in your heart. You can't stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps!!

Jake: [comes down] You're up early.

Finn: I didn't sleep.

Jake: You stayed up all night reading trash books? [Finn makes a weak "meh" sound] Told you, man, those dating books... [slurps cup] That stuff is mess-you-up.

Finn: I'm not reading. I'm playing with the little wees.

Jake: Ah, lemme see little me! [sees little Jake sulking] Me looks so lonely. Hey Finn, pass me little Lady!

Finn: Uh, you guys broke up.

Jake: [confused] What?

Finn: She's with someone else now.

Jake: Who?!

Finn: He's a cool guy. Don't worry about it.

[Jake then hears Lady's wahs, he gasps to see little Finn in Lady's lap smooching under a book teepee]

Jake: AAAHHHHH!!! [slams table] WHAT THE BALL, MAN?!!

Finn: [chuckles] What?

Jake: "What"? What do ya think "what"?!

Finn: Come on, they're not real, they're like toys. These guys here, they’re goin' out. [points to little Marceline licking Peppermint Butler's red side] It's pretty serious. And look at Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl. They're still testing the waters. [little Choose Goose and Lollipop Girl are dancing; Lollipop Girl flies up and Abracadaniel catches her. They all embrace] But I think things are gonna work out. Check out Xergiok and Turtle P.

[little Turtle Princess spanks little Xergiok's behind, both wah-ing in delight. Finn laughs]

Finn: Weird. But cool, right, Jake? [Jake slowly backs away to the exit]

Jake: I don't like where you're going with this. It ain't wholesome. I’m gonna go to Lady's for a few days... clear my head. [leaves]

Finn: Okay. Whatever whatevs.

Bad Little Boy [5.18]

Marshall Lee: Don't you know I'm a villain? Every night I'm out killin', sending everyone running like children. I know why you're mad at me. I've got demon eyes, and they're looking right through your anatomy, into your deepest fears. Baby, I'm not from here, I'm from the Nightosphere. To me, you're clear, transparent. You got a thing for me, girl; it's apparent.

Jake the Dad [5.19]

Jake: [shouts holo-message speaker] The puppies aren't moving!

Holo-Margaret: PERFORM CPR, THEY MIGHT BE DEAD!!

Jake Jr.: Dad, the manual's a BUNCHA JUNK!! Just give us a chance.

Jake: Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" The manual's a buncha junk??

Davey [5.20]

[Finn shaves the top of his head and dyes his remaining blonde hair dark brown with molasses and a piece of hair like a moustache]

Finn: Hotcha! BMO, how do I look? [BMO's eyes turn into Xs]

BMO: Like the devil!

Finn: [deep, man's voice] Davey.

Jake: Oh, now have you lost your teacups, man?

Finn: No more Davey!

Davey: But you love being Davey.

Finn: I do love being Davey but being Davey caused Jake to be arrested!

Davey: But remember that time when Davey sat in the park and saw some people walkin' around?

Finn: Yeah, that was nice.

Davey: And remember that time when Davey swept the floors?

Finn: Hehehe... Yeah, that was great too. But...

Davey: Do you really wanna go back to bein' a famous hero? Why not just be Davey? Simple man with simple goals and simple problems... You can just blend in and live the simple life.

Finn: Yeah, blend in... Y'know, maybe I'll be Davey... just one more time. One more time...

Mystery Dungeon [5.21]

Tree Trunks: [nudges Shelby on top of her head] Shelby? Shelby, wake up.

Shelby: W-where am I? Tree Trunks, what's going on?

Tree Trunks: Uh, you've been snoozing on my dome. I just woke up in this room with these fellas: Nectar, Ice Cream, and one of the Lemoncarbs.

Lemongrab: Awake! Avast! Hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear, for time has come to wake and run AND NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!!!

Tree Trunks: What are those awful words?!

Lemongrab: I am reading the wall. They are wall words.

Tree Trunks: [reading] "Beyond this room are a thousand rooms, outside of them still more."

Shelby: "Behind each door on every floor, danger, danger evermore!"

NEPTR: "Stranger, hark! The traps galore may kill you whilst you do explore to free yourself..." [Ice King stops scribbling on his book, looks back at the others]

Ice King: Huh? Oh! Now where were we? "To free yourself from this tomb and nevermore re-enter, find the room amidst the rooms that lies exactly center"? [glowing orange lines form a map on the walls]

Shelby: It's a map!

Lemongrab: [walks to a color-coordinated door] This door lead to the center exit!

NEPTR: The door is secured with an esoteric encryption system.

Ice King: [picks up Tree Trunks] Well, that's okay 'cause you can "hack the mainframe" or whatever, right, BMO?

NEPTR: I'm not BMO. I'm your son, NEPTR. I-I throw pies.

Ice King: [beat, drops Tree Trunks] Ahhhs!! I grabbed the wrong robot! Dirt! Nuts! Face!!

Shelby: Uhh, what is going on here, Ice King?

Tree Trunks: Yes. I am getting a weird feeling in my stomach, and I think it's 'cause of you, Mr. Wizard. You'd better fess up to whatever you're doing. I got no time for nobody dancin' around and actin' a fool at my expense. I'm Tree Trunks, and people know I'm kind and honest. That's why people like me. [Ice King scribbles his book]

Ice King: Huh? Wha-what? What was she saying?

Tree Trunks: So stop sellin' fib bibs and give it straight.

Ice King: Oh!! All right! I knocked y'all out and brought you here! [puts book in his beard] I'm sorry, but I had to do it! Each of you possess the exact qualities to pass the various tests of this dungeon. Tree Trunks, with your baking skills... Lemongrab, with your lemony, juicy...

Lemongrab: Essence.

Ice King: Yeah... Shelby, who should have been the bait for the fish.

Shelby: Yeah, but no thanks.

Ice King: And BMO, who should have been here instead of this weird piece of junk that I don't remember nothin' about. [NEPTR strolls to the side] Argh!! I failed!

NEPTR: Father, look at me! [he throws a baked pie at the door, it short-circuits and recoils itself; Ice King gasps] Are you happy with me now, Papi?

Ice King: [pants] Yes! Yes! [picks up and hugs NEPTR] Oh, my son! The grand prize of me loins!

All Your Fault [5.22]

Lemonjon: [approaches to the Candy Kingdom, stops] Whoa, hold the phone. What is this powerful new juice coursing fromst my core source? Arrrrrrgh! The juice aches! Is this the rumored ache of feeling? The feeling of caring unknown to lemons? New thoughts emerge... If I act, the Candy People will suffer... If I don't, the Lemon People will suffer. The greater good demands but one course only—that I dissolve the bonds uniting me and become component to all!

Finn: [sees Lemongrabs in dungeon] There they are! Hey, Lemongrabs, we're here! We're gonna get you out, just hold tight!

Lemongrab 1: Go away.

Lemongrab 2: No food here.

Jake: Maybe the kidnapper's in here, too, coercing them.

Finn: Probably the grossest one of all, too—beet-red skin, barf, poopin' all its junk-sculpture.

Jake: Ugh, stop it! You're just makin' it worse! Let's just get this over with. [punches doors]

Finn: Lemongrabs, you are free!

Lemongrab 1: They broke the door! The door is broken now!

Lemongrab 2: FIX THE DOOOOOR!!!!

Jake: Fix the door? What? What? Fix the door? Fix what? What's goin' on here? "Fix the door?" Finn, what's goin' on?! "Fix the door?!"

Lemongrab 1: It doesn't matter anymore.

Lemongrab 2: There is no more candy to horde. Let them keep what crumbs they find. [the lemon creatures sniff and lick the floor] For there are no crumbs.

Lemongrabs: MMMMNNOOOOOO CUUURRUUUMMBS!!!

Little Dude [5.23]

Wizard: Whomever the hat possesses gains the proportional strength of a hat! Look out, he's got the horse again!!

Finn: Didn't Lady tell you not to use the Sassage flare?

Jake: Yeah.

Finn: Well, don't abuse it man, cos you're gettin'...

Jake: I'm gettin' what?

Finn: Cos you're getting fat.

Vault of Bones [5.24]

[after Flame King appears provoking Flame Princess and vanishes under Jake's teapot]

Finn: What was that?

Jake: He was saying "evil, evil, evil" over and over again.

Finn: Yeah, I-I heard.

Jake: Oh, I wasn't sure if you heard, 'cause he was whispering.

Finn: Yeah. I heard.

Flame Princess: Ugh, he's so annoying.

Jake: I was just trying to help!

Flame Princess: Oh, not you, Jake, my dad. I always catch him whispering stuff into my ear while I'm not paying attention. He keeps saying I'm evil. [Finn stands up on the table]

Finn: Whoa! You best not be believing that whack bunk. I bet he's trying to make your life bad so you'll think you're evil. But you're really not!

Flame Princess: How can I know for sure?

Finn: ..Dungeons.

Flame Princess: What?

Finn: Let's have a good time in a dungeon or something. That always clears my head and reminds me of what's what.

Flame Princess: And... that'll make me good?

Finn: No, that'll show you not to worry so much, 'cause you're already good... in here. [taps his chest looking for his heart]

Flame Princess: Okay... yeah! Let's do it!

Finn: Dungeons!

Flame Princess: Dungeons!

[Finn observes a giant bulking skeleton, sees a chandelier of skulls tied to a rope below. Finn turns to Flame Princess, whispering]

Finn: Okay, this guy's too big to intimidate, but I have a plan. First, you shoot some fire at that rope. The chandelier falls, distracts the monster. We run in—element of surprise.

Flame Princess: Wow.

Finn: You ready?

Flame Princess: Yeah. [Finn walks, stops]

Finn: Before we go in, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire?

Flame Princess: Uh, what?

Finn: Like on a scale of one to a hundred, how good are you at quietly throwing a tiny bit of fire at a rope fifty feet away?

Flame Princess: Uh...

Finn: Scale of one to a hundred.

Flame Princess: [pause] 42.

Finn: [out loud] 42?!

Flame Princess: Well, I don't know. I never rated myself.

Finn: No, that's cool. That's cool. Just try and hit that rope.

The Great Bird Man [5.25]

[the mysterious man starts pouring water into Finn's mouth; he wakes up and coughs]

Finn: Huh...? Where am I?

Man: This is the rookery, where I and my bird friends dwell!

Finn: So are you like the Great Bird Man?

Man: That's what they call me nowadays. But when I first met you Finn, and you Jake, you knew me as [suddenly, his voice rises in pitch] Xergiok, the Goblin King!!

Finn/Jake: Whaaa—?!

Xergiok: When we first met, I was crazy for smacking goblin hams. I was cruel, selfish, brutal. But every thing changed after I was defeated by the two of you!

Jake: So, you got some sleek new shades and now everything's different?

Xergiok: Oh, no, my change has been deep. And these whatsits are only curtains for empty windows.

[he lifts his shades and puts them back repeatedly, revealing black, empty eye sockets]

Finn: Whoa! What happened in there?

Xergiok: I miffed off a wizard and he took my eyes. [pan down to see his eyes attached to his beard] I wonder what he wanted them for. Some kind of lotion, or potion... or time-traveling spell? I'll never know! Never, ever. Never. But losing my eyesight was only the beginning of my wonderful change! I started meditating and doing yoga. Now I can "see" with my heart and smell with my soul.

Jake: You smell with your beard?

Xergiok: I smell with my nose!

Jake: Lame.

[Finn and Jake tiptoe into another cave; Finn trips over a rock with Jake next to a bird sleeping in its nest]

Finn: Doi!!

[Finn crashes into the bird's behind; it cries, starts flying upward and hits its head on the point of a stalactite, falls down to the ground]

Finn: Oh!

[the stalactite breaks off from the ceiling and falls onto the bird's legs; it screams]

Finn/Jake: Oh, crease!

Xergiok: Psychic links! Cardamom, my friend, I'm coming! I'm com— [he goes tumbling down the hill] Mother of Gob!! Hold on, Cardy! [Finn and Jake hide in the shadows] Okay, here I am, buddy. Ol' Xergy's here. [lifts the stalactite off its legs; he feels the injured leg] Let's see now— aw, dang! [inhales] Wo-o-o-o-o-ong! Wo-o-o-o-o-ong! Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wong! [the injured bird's leg is now a green humanlike leg]

Finn: [hushed] Whaaat?

Jake: Shush, Chile!

Xergiok: Ah, Finn and Jake, you are here!

Finn: Where'd you learn that heal spell?

Xergiok: I use no magic. I manipulated space with a vibrational chant. You see, now the injury has transferred to me! [he lifts his leg, which is now Cardamom's broken leg] Ooh, yeah! That hurts, baby! Whoooo!! Can't you see, Jake? I love these birds more than I love myself. What am I to the deafening roar of the macrocosmos? Nothing much. Just a vessel to carry the message of friendship to y'all beasts and dirt.

Finn: Dirt?

Xergiok: Yeah, look! [picks up two handfuls of dirt] Hello, friends! Go for a ride!

Simon & Marcy [5.26]

Finn: Marceline, why'd you invite Ancient Chubs to play basketball?

Jake: Yeah!

Marceline: Hahh... [beat] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.

Jake: ..What you are talking about, Marceline?

Marceline: We've been around for a long time. We've had a long history together, it's.. it's a long story.

Finn: Lay it on us.

Jake: Yeah! Lay it out, Marcy!

Ice King: Yeah, lay down, Marceline! Go to sleep. Right, what're we talkin' about?

Simon: Hey, little lady -- how about a ride on an old man's back, hm?

Marcy: I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.

Simon: Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it, we can get it.

Marcy: Achoo! [laughing]

Simon: Gross. You're gross.

Marcy: You're gross, Simon!

Simon: We're both gross, darling.

A Glitch Is a Glitch [5.27]

Finn: Man, I don't have the patience for this animation junk. Whoever does this must have no life whatsoev— [punches himself in the face] oof!! Why did I do that?

Ice King: Ahem! Anyone having any... [robotic voice] computer problems? [a laugh track plays out and stops in recorder he is holding]

Finn: How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo?!

Ice King: [cackling] My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code!

Finn: STOP TALKING LIKE A NERD AND GIVE IT TO US STRAIGHT!!!

Ice King: Once the glitch does its work, the whole world will be deleted except for me and my Bubblygums. [he moves to smooch Bubblegum; she keeps him away with a tree branch which she throws at his face] Ow!! [stammers] Well, see y'all! I'm gonna prepare for my... date. [teleports away. A glitched donut person runs out screaming]

Donut Person: Aaah!! My beautiful face! My hopes and dreams ruined! [screams distortedly, runs away]

Finn: Don't worry, Princess, we'll take care of this thing.

Bubblegum: Oh, me too. [loads her candy tranquilizer gun] I'm gonna take care of it, too.

Finn: [beat] Okay!

Puhoy [5.16]

Jake: I mean, here you are chillin' with history's coolest friends building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulkin'. I'm like, what gives?

Finn: [sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day, and she didn't even laugh or anything. Guess it's over between us.

Jake: That's it? A joke?

BMO: Maybe she just didn't get it yet.

Finn: Yeah right, Beemo. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes, probably. Man, having a girlfriend is hard.

Jake: No! Being crazy is hard. You're getting all hung up, [stretches his arm around his face] all hung up on imaginary problems. [opens arm as a miniature Jake in his head] You gotta focus on what's real, man. [grabs a cup] You see this cup? This is literally my favorite cup. [throws cup out the window] Now it's gone forever, so it's not real, and I don't care about it anymore.

BMO: [gasps] Oh no! My favorite window!

Finn: I don't even know what you guys are talking about. [picks up sword and cup] I think I just need some alone time. Gotta let my mind fester a bit, you know? [enters pillow fort] I'll be back in a little while.

Jake: Finn, festering's always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering!! FIIINN!!!

Finn: That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until now—and that it's really funny and awesome.

BMO: Haha, I knew it!

Jake: Yeah, that's great, man. Now what about this dream?

Finn: What dream?

Jake: The dream you were just talking about?

Finn: Huh?

Jake: Just a second ago?

Finn: [shrugs]

Jake: The DREAM you just had in the pillow fort?

Finn: Pfffbb.

BMO Lost [5.17]

BMO: [lays down with its screen cracked] So... this is the pits. [a bubble pops out of a mug]

Bubble: I hear that, friend. Do you mind if I wallow with you for a bit? I'm a bubble.

BMO: Okay... nothing stopping a bubble.

Bubble: [sighs] That's what they say. Looks like you've given up on things. I'm thinking about giving up things myself. I've been lost in this wilderness a long time. Maybe you and me can wait here... to get eaten by a carnivore.

BMO: No, Bubble. [gets up] I know two heroes who can help you.

Bubble: You do?

BMO: Yes. Help me get to my home and... and we will help you find your home.

Bubble: Your friends sound great!

BMO: They are! They are huge!

Bubble: Well, then, what are we waiting for?

BMO: Nothi-i-i-ing!!

Bubble: Um, hey... so, BMO, since we have a little time, there is something I've been wanting to say.

BMO: Hm?

Bubble: I know I might never find my real home.

BMO: [gasps] No, Bubble! That's not true!

Bubble: It is. I know it is. But it's... it's okay. Because I realized something. All this time we've been together, BMO, I haven't felt lost. I felt at home. [hear Jake yelling and crashing inside] And it's you, BMO, I feel at home with. [BMO gasps] So, I thought... I mean, if you feel the same way, I thought we could... get married. I-I mean... I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but—

BMO: I do! Oh, I do, I do!

Bubble: Oh! Wohohoho... whoo!

Jake: Hey, a bubble! [pops Bubble] Pop! [BMO gasps in shock; Jake giggles]

BMO: Bubble? Bubble?! [wails, plucks up grass; Finn comes over] No! No, no, no! My Bubble! No!! [falls on the grass]

Finn: What's so funny?

Jake: Oh, it's just BMO. He's pretending to be all messed up 'cause his bubble got popped. [chuckles as BMO starts grieving on the grass]

Finn: Ohhh. [chuckles] That is pretty funny.

BMO: Oh, Bubble, I'm so sorry I brought you here! [sobbing]

Bubble's Voice: [heard disembodiedly] "There, there, BMO. It's okay."

BMO: Bubble? Is that you? I hear you in my head, but I don't see you! [both Finn and Jake start snickering] Oh no, have I gone bananas?

Bubble's Voice: "No, BMO, it's okay. You see, I'm finally free."

BMO: I don't understand, Bubble.

Bubble's Voice: "No, not Bubble. Air. BMO, I'm Air! I've been trapped in that bubble for so long, I'd forgotten who I am. But now I'm finally home."

BMO: Yay! Oh, b-but wait! Now you don't need me... to feel... at home.

Air: "No. See, that's what's so great. Now we can be together forever, BMO—every minute of every day. No more privacy, no more quiet, no more alone. Every room you ever go in, I'll already be there... waiting... forever and ever... until the end of time."

BMO: ..YAAAYYY!!

Princess Potluck [5.18]

Finn: Man, I wish I had my other sock. This callus is gonna junk up my good time at PB's potluck.

Jake: Don't worry man, we're gonna have a ton of fun. We'll eat some melon, I'll get some compliments on my pretty makeup...

Finn: You look like a target.

Jake: I look pretty!!

James Baxter the Horse [5.19]

BMO: Oh, oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?

Who's the mother, oh who's the father?

Shh, I'll tell you if you keep it a secret

We will, we will, we will

All right, last night, an electric presence came into my room and said,

"BMO, I need your perfect body to host the human incarnation of a baby~!"

Shh! [5.20]

BMO: Why are you not talking?! What happened to Finn and Jake?! You have taken over their bodies!

The Suitor [5.21]

[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head]

Peppermint Butler: Prubs!

Bubblegum: [wakes up] Hey, what? [takes pizza slice off her face] Pff... who's that?

Peppermint Butler: This is Braco.

Braco: Son of Logan, who was begat by Hobus.

Bubblegum: [writing notes down] Okay... yeah?

Braco: I want to take you... on a date. [PB pauses for a beat]

Bubblegum: Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.

Peppermint Butler: Princess, this lab reeks like brown mist! It's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys!

Bubblegum: That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [starts thrashing stuff off her desk] Hello!! Donk!! Donk!!

Braco: Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts! The pain, it— Uhh... [PB walks to him and uses a laser pointer on his right eye]

Bubblegum: Hmm. What you're feeling is called infatuation. The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.

Braco: No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight and unlock the mystery [runs to the balcony and jumps down] of me-e-e-e-e!!

Bubblegum: Braco!

Braco: [lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight!

Bubblegum: [beat] Okay, Braco. But just for research, all right?

Braco: Yes, Princess!

Peppermint Butler: Good job, man! You take it from here!

Finn: What'd ya think of that Braco guy? I mean, he seems kinda weird, and passive, and baby lambish, [Jake gasps] and too unheroic for Peebs. [Jake panics, points Finn to see Braco behind him] And then I smashed that peach!

Braco: [kneels down] Jake and Finn, I seek your aid. I need to ask you for that map, therewith I can bring the soul stone to Bubblegum, then she'll love me!

Finn: That road you're on leads to nowhere. [hands map to Braco]

Braco: Oh! Oh! [runs off in the distance] Thank you!

The Party's Over, Isla de Señorita [5.22]

Finn: Ice King, get out of Princess—

Ice King: I'M LEAVING!!!

One Last Job [5.23]

Tiffany: [sees his watch beeping] Well, well. From the shadows of dream, the dog wakes to find its... uh... [reads lines on his arm] the dog wakes to find its mangy tail flopping in the dust like a fish in a tree. That fish is me, Tiffany! [jumps into laundry chute, laughing] I'm coming, Jake! I'm coming!

Flying Lettuce Bros.: So what's the deal, Jake?

Gareth: Yeah, why'd you call us back?

Jake: I got a job for you guys. [everyone gathers to him] One last score—the big one.

Gareth: The Baker's Shard? [chuckles] Are you for real, man?

Flying Lettuce Bros.: Hey, that's crazy, Jake. [out of sync] We always said, "play it safe."

Tiffany: Can't you see, guys? He's desperate. Somebody got to him 'cause he's soft now.

Jake: What the— pshhh! Tiffany! I'm the same Jake! I just stopped stealing, mostly! Because when you get older, you're supposed to get in other stuff, like graphic design or pottery. It's called "growing up"!

Gareth: I don't wanna do poetry— I mean, pottery.

Jake: Dude! Are you guys on board or what?! You really got something better to do?! Really?! I know you don't, Tiffany!

Tiffany: [roughly] Glom you, Jake.

Flying Lettuce Bros.: How are gonna split the Baker's Shard?

Jake: We ain't keeping it. I'm passing the shard off to a mystery dude. [the FL Bros. and Gareth slowly become shocked]

Tiffany: [growls] What the..?!

Jake: The dude has my kid. [Tiffany immediately goes to a mix of surprise and empathy; he starts crying] My little Jake Jr. [coughs, clears throat]

Gareth: [beat] I'm in.

Flying Lettuce Bros.: We're in.

Tiffany: I know that vault inside and out—every guard rotation, every camera, every deadly trap. And that safe is locked up so tight, it makes me wanna spit out my guts and cry about it. Do you even have a plan, Jake?!

Jake: I have the first part. Okay, let's freakin' do this!!

Another Five More Short Graybles [5.24]

Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with the nightlight anymore. You're basically 30. It's starting to bum everyone out.

Cinnamon Bun: I CAN'T HANDLE THIS DENIAL OF LIIIGHT!!!

Bubblegum: Yeah, well...

Candy Streets [5.25]

Finn: [meets Ann at the pharmacy] I'm Finn. [holds Jake as a police badge] This is my partner, Jake.

Jake: Hello, citizen. Had anyone in here looking to buy some mini adhesive bandages today?

Ann: A lot of people come through my store, gentlemen. You can't seriously think I'd be able to remember any one particular customer among the countless others I see on a daily basis now, can you?

Finn: [long beat] I guess not. Fair do's. C'mon, Jake—

Ann: Wait! Now that you mention it, there was this one guy in here earlier. Real suspicious type. Had a nosebleed. Said it was the first one he'd had in years. [Finn takes out a notepad and writes down] Used to get them all the time as a kid, he said. [Jake slaps notepad away, jumps onto Finn's hand as a notepad] Could never remember if he was supposed to pinch his nose and hold his head back, [Finn tries to put his pencil on Jake but keeps the point away from him] or pinch his nose and hold his head forward. [Finn finally pokes Jake's body] Maybe it was a case of being boxed on the nose too many times—made the blood vessels in his lower septum weak and vulnerable to hemorrhaging. Anyway, his mammy always said it was because he couldn't keep all those picky little fingers out of his dirty little nose holes. [Jake climbs on top of Finn's head, morphs into a police hat] He didn't buy it, though. He always thought it had—

Finn: Ma'am, can you give us a name?

Ann: Mmmm... nope. No, wait—yes, I can. Pete Sassafrass.

[Finn and Jake look at each other, surprised. A transparent LSP flies across the screen from earlier saying, "Pete...sa...sass...as..."]

Finn: Did you catch which way he was going?

Ann: Of course! He said he was catching a train at 11:27, Candy Kingdom station, Platform 5. Heh. I'm sorry, I wish I could remember more.

Finn: Man, we didn't just crack that case... [throws donuts bags to Jake as a police car] we crunched it. Crumbled it.

Jake: We are awesome at being cops. [munches donut] There's no question about that.

Finn: Ahh, call me crazy, but I was thinking... maybe we should actually become detectives, like... as a job! When we were out on the streets back there, getting those leads, busting that perp, it just felt so... I don't know... right. [Jake's head forms up underneath Finn's coffee cup]

Jake: I know, man. [eats donut] I actually totally do know exactly what you mean. [Finn takes a yellow donut out of his bag and munches it]

Finn: Ah— dude. [show Finn sitting on the street with Jake in his hands]

Jake: I told you, I have a problem. [turns back, sweating] I can't stop!

Wizards Only, Fools [5.26]

Finn: I got traumatised by those underpanties. This sucks.

Ice King: [on tape recorder] "No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!"

PB: "Say the password, Ice King!"

Ice King: "You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather DIE."

PB: "Say the password."

Ice King: "OW!! MY PINKY!! Ow.. Thank you. You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?"

PB: "PASSWORD!! NOW!!! "

Ice King: "AHH!! OH OWW~!!! WIZARDS RULE!! THE PASSWORD IS "WIZARDS RULE!"

Jake Suit [5.27]

Jake: You were a little rough with the Jake suit today, bro. You mashed up my doggy bag pretty hard.

Finn: Why didn't you stop me?

Jake: When you're in my body, it pushes out my brain, so I have no control.

Finn: Come on, bro, taking pain is easy. You just have to imagine that every bruise is a hickey from the universe. And everyone wants to get with the universe.

Jake: I bet you wouldn't be saying that nonsense if I wore you as a suit.

Finn: I bet I would be saying that nonsense.

Jake: Okay, bro, let's see how you like it. I'll bring the pain!

Finn: Do it, bro! Get in here!

[Lady Rainicorn is washing dishes when she sees Finn out the window and gasps]

Finn: Hi, Lady. [walks around, kicks front door open]

Lady Rainicorn: [in Korean] ("Finn! Where are you going? Where is Jake?") [Jake stretches out of Finn's mouth]

Jake: I'm right here.

Lady Rainicorn: Oh... [T.V. walks by holding a bowl of nachos]

T.V.: 'Sup?

Jake: What's T.V. doing here? I thought all the kids found apartments.

Lady Rainicorn: ("It's just that he won't leave the house, regardless what I say to him.") [T.V. starts typing on his computer]

Jake: Ha-ha! That's my boy. Momma's basement baby. [sighs. He makes Finn sit down on bean bag chair]

Lady Rainicorn: ("Jake, what are you doing? Why are you in Finn's body?")

Jake: Oh, it's this bet we're doing. It's not really a bet. It's more like a showdown. I'm trying to get him to admit that it's hard when someone wears you as a suit. How do I win the bet, Lady?

T.V.: Hey, Dad? Why don't you try jumping in a volcano?

Be More [5.28]

Finn: [distorted] Beemo? [see a distorting image of Finn and Jake]

Jake: Beemo? [BMO groans]

Finn: Beemo, are you okay?

Jake: What did you do?

BMO: It wasn't me. I didn't do [glitching] noth— do noth— do nothing.

Finn: Come on, Beemo. We gotta get you to the hospital or whatevs.

BMO: No, no. I am fine. Really. [BMO's screen glitches out and he yells in pain. He emits smoke and stops glitching] Oh, yes... okay. Please take me to get fixed. I need— need— need— need to get new core system drivers installed. We can get them at the MO Factory in the Bad Lands, where I was born.

Finn: The MO Factory?

BMO: Yeah. I am programmed with emergency instructions to get there. Come on! There's no—no—no—no—no time to lo—lo—lo—lo—lose.

Sky Witch [5.29]

PB: Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. A Raggedy Princess can BE your new Hambo. She'd do it too. That girl has like, zero self-respect. Haha. That's mean. Don't tell her I said that.

Marceline: ..You killed him??

PB: Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.

Marceline: He's been with the witch this whole time! Maybe he can talk now!

Frost & Fire [5.30]

Ice King: Oh, man! Times! I call times! [encases himself in a larger version of his head, whimpers]

Flame Princess: It's only okay if the person who's making the fun is someone that I'm [punches off nose] cool with.

Ice King: We're totes cool! I-I-I'm Ice King!

Flame Princess: [continues punching parts off] And they do it in a respectful and knowing way!

Ice King: Respect? I got all kinds of respect! [she lands down]

Flame Princess: Oh, yeah? [a moving snow bear approaches behind her] Then what's with that stupid, smirky face?

Ice King: Smirk? Why, I smirk when I'm nervous.

Snow Bear: Ugh, bear hug!! [crushes her]

Flame Princess: WHAAAH!!! [cools down, Finn gasps]

Ice King: And also when I'm about to win! [cackles] Boo-yah! And I didn't even get to test out my new fireproof grundies.

Finn: Put it away, man! You didn't win nothin'!

Finn: Jake! I had another dream! My body was being blasted! [inhales sharply] But this time, Ice King was blasting me with ice cubes! Ohh! It was awful! And someone else was there. He was just laughing and laughing. He was in the first dream too, but he was whispering. I couldn't make out what he was saying. [snaps finger] Oh, yeah! It was the Cosmic Owl! [Jake spits out all his tea off his mouth]

Jake: WHAT?!! You didn't tell me the Cosmic Owl was there!!

Finn: I couldn't see him last time!

Jake: Dude, that means it was a prophetic dream. You have to finish the original dream! Cosmic Owl could be whispering something wildly significant! You have to get Flame Princess and Ice King to fight again so you can see the end of the dream! Make 'em fight!! Ahh!! Do it now!!

[Finn runs frantically to the table and writes down a piece of paper]

Finn: "Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blahblahblahblah, sincerely love, Flame Princess. P.S. Let us fight!!" HAHHHRR!! [writes another paper] "Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blahblahblah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King." [checks both papers] Hm. Flame Princess fight Ice King.

[last lines]

Ice King: You blew it, man!

Too Old [5.31]

Lemonhope: Poor little Lemonhope, sweet little Lemonhope

Stuck in this bathroom, thrown in the garbage

Dunked in the pudding, dipped in the porridge...

Poor little Lemonhope, throw me a lemonrope

Is there a home for me and my harp?

A place where friends give me hugs?

There's no use to mope, there's no use to hope

No use at all for

Fragile, precious, darling, baby, poor little Lemonhope...

Jake: [on the phone] Yo, man. How's it going? Terrible?

Finn: Well, yeah, mostly. But I think I learned something.

Jake: Go on.

Finn: Well, I'm thinkin' maybe age isn't just a number. Maybe older people, like, really are different. You know? Like, less fun inside.

Jake: So what you sayin' here?

Finn: I'm saying I think I really sbonked up. I gotta patch things up with Flame Princess.

Jake: Oh, dang! Didn't you hear? She's got a new boyfriend already!

Finn: What?! [Jake laughs]

Jake: Man, I'm just kiddin'. [both laugh]

Finn: Oh, yeah... [Jake chuckles]

Jake: She might, though.

Earth & Water [5.32]

Flame Princess: I thought Finn was a stand-up guy, you know? But he basically betrayed me. Why do people even have secrets? It's like that in the Fire Kingdom, too. Everyone is all deceitful and Shakespeare. But out here doesn't seem any different. Why do I have to feel like this?

[Finn and Jake find Ice King in their bathroom]

Finn/Jake: The Ice King?! Grrr—eugh!

Ice King: Geez, you couldn't wait two seconds?

Finn: Ech... Why are you stinkin' up our house?

Ice King: Didn't you get my text? It said I'm stayin' with you guys— [takes out banana phone with Gunter keychain] oh, didn't go through. Well, anyways, I knew you wouldn't mind since it's sorta your fault I'm homeless, right? [searches duffle bag]

Finn: Right.

Ice King: 'Cause you tricked your crazy ex into melting my Ice Kingdom?

Finn: Mm-hmm...

Ice King: With your lies and secrets? 'Member when that happened?

Jake: Dude, you can't stay here if you're gonna stank it up with your bad vibes, man! [Ice King sprays air freshener, Finn and Jake cough]

Ice King: Yeah, I'm just crashing here while the penguins rebuild. I've given Gunter temporary reign.

[see Gunter, wearing Ice King's crown, constructing ice structures]

Ice King: Should be fine.

Finn: Flame Princess isn't crazy.

Ice King: You're blind, Finn. You're blind! Wait, she isn't here, is she?

Finn: No.

Ice King: Whew!

Finn: She said she wanted time to herself. [walks out]

Ice King: Yeesh!

Jake: Yeah. Breakups are tough.

Ice King: Heh. Yeah, like remember how you and I were married?

Time Sandwich [5.33]

Jake: I am ready to receive instruction from the realm of creation above me for the sandwich I am about to conceive. I am open. Use me.

[Jake begins to take a bite of his sandwich, Magic Man suddenly pops out of nowhere. He gasps]

Jake: Magic Man!

Magic Man: Magic Dog! I'll take some sandwich.

Jake: You stay away from my woman... eh, my sandwich!

Magic Man: Hmm, yeah, I could do that. Or... wait. Wait! [conjures a small portal and takes sandwich from Jake]

Jake: [gasps] Sandwiche! Mijo! Magic Man!! My sandwich!!

Magic Man: That's a good-looking sandwich.

Jake: What're you gonna do with it?! Something gross?! [Magic Man breathes on the sandwich]

Magic Man: It's got my germs, so it's mine now.

Jake: NOOOO!! Rah!! [stretches his arms at Magic Man, he casts a spell back]

Magic Man: Dead arms! [Jake's arms limp on the floor; he struggles]

Jake: Give it back, you animal!

Magic Man: Look, if you really want your sandwich, you'll have to solve my little riddle. [punches clock, moves hands] When your face shows 7:20, when green leaves turn brown, the only way forward is down. Then you'll see, the wetter, the better.

Jake: That's not even a riddle! It's wordplay, at best!

Magic Man: You try and come up with something on the spot! It's hard! [makes a portal and slaps Jake's face through it] Now to savor the moment.

[he crashes backwards through the wall, falling down]

Magic Man: It's just you and me, baby.

[running into Magic Man's time sphere, Jake imagines Mr. Cupcake flirting with a widowed Lady Rainicorn]

Jake: Hey, Mr. Cupcake, you stay away [starts slowing down] from Lady!

Finn: [offscreen] No, man! Stay sad! Make yourself sad!

Jake: Uhh... [he imagines Mr. Cupcake at his grave]

Mr. Cupcake: I-I love you, Jake. We should have hung out more.

Jake: What? Um... I love you too, Mr. Cupcake. I-I didn't want to hang because I thought Lady was into your muscles. And I thought if we'd hung out, you'd sweet-talk her and take her from me.

Mr. Cupcake: What?! I would never! I've got so much respect for you.

Jake: Dude, I have so much respect for you! I try to be like you in some aspects of my life! Look, if something were to happen to me, and I wasn't here anymore, I'd want you to take care of Lady and the kids.

Mr. Cupcake: That means so much to me. [crying, cradles his gravestone] I wish we had more time together.

Jake: [tearing up] Me... too! [sobbing hysterically, starts running closer to Magic Man]

Finn: Yeah, Jake! The wetter, the better! Keep crying!!

Jake: I'm sorry, Mr. Cupcake!!

The Vault [5.34]

Jake: Yo, bro, you're sleepwalking again! Wake up! [whacks Finn awake]

Finn: Whoa! Jake? Was I...?

Jake: Yes, Finn. Again. Every time, youse is screaming about "she's got me!" and all that.

Finn: She's got... what?

Jake: Wait, you don't remember? You just woke up, man! Recall it, baby! Come on! [Finn grunts, punches his temples] That's too much. Don't punch yourself.

Finn: [sighs] It's gone, I don't know.

Jake: Haah... [holds Finn] You're repressing the memory, dude.

Finn: I'm what?

Jake: You're hiding whatever she is in a mental vault.

Finn: Oh yeah, the vault. That's where the stuff I can't handle goes. Kerplunk!

Jake: Okay, so you even know you're doing it.

Finn: Yeah! [chuckles]

Jake: Listen, we gotta find out who this lady is. Gotta open the vault a little.

Finn: No, sir.

Jake: It's just gonna keep happening, man!

Finn: It's all right. I'm not hurting anybody.

Jake: Finn, for reals.

Finn: [shivering] Nooooo!!

Jake: All right! Chill, chill! Don't sweat it, man. It's not even a thing.

Finn: ..Cool.

Jake: Why don't you clean up the kitchen now?

Finn: Okay. I'm sorry I did that.

Jake: It's alright. It's only, like, the fifth room you've train-wrecked this month.

Love Games [5.35]

Slime Princess: [in a private room] This is not going well.

Finn: I'm sorry, Slime Princess. I'm just going to mess this next trial up.

Slime Princess: Is it because you haven't done much kissing? You don't have to be embarrassed by your innocence.

Finn: Pretending to be love is making me sad. It makes me think about Flame Princess.

Slime Princess: What if I pretend to be your ex?

Finn: That's worse, I think.

Slime Princess: Well, it looks like I'm losing my kingdom to the forces of evil.

Finn: [sighs] No, Slime Princess. Let's practice this smooch.

[he walks to Slime Princess and lifts her up in his hands. They both start to smooch each other but Finn gags up and vomits instead]

Finn: I'm sorry... I-I can't! [puts Slime Princess down, grumbles] Bunk this! [runs off]

Slime Princess: Wait! Where are you going?

Finn: I'm going to punch Guillermo in his stupid face 'til he agrees to leave the kingdom!

Slime Princess: I want to come!

Dungeon Train [5.36]

Finn: [taking a walk] What is the meaning of soup?

Jake: What? I don't know. What's with all the weird quest—?

Finn: What is the meaning of spoon?

Jake: Shoot, man. Are you still lady-sad about Flame Princess? Y'know, it's okay if you are.

Finn: Nah, that's all fine. I've just been feeling kinda... gray is all. Like my inside voice has been kinda quiet lately—not a lot of instructions forthcoming, you know?

Jake: Yeah, well, sounds like you're sad. Listen, Finn. Girls is like horses—when you fall down, it's important that you get right back on again, on a different horse. And there's a lot of fish in the sea, a lot of fish. A penny saved is a penny earned.

Finn: Yeah, I-I guess. Or maybe dating girls is like riding a bicycle...

Jake: Yeah, man, yeah!

Finn: Where, like, if you mess up, you can get really hurt forever or hurt someone you really care about.

Jake: Uh... well, I suppose.

Box Prince [5.37]

BMO: [as Jake plays video game] Why do you hate cats, Jake?

Jake: Move your face, you're messing up the game! Anyway, I don't wanna talk about it. It's personal. Cats know what they did. [he then shudders and starts screaming]

BMO: Is Jake okay? [Jake whines horribly]

Jake: No!! I'm pretty dang far from okay! There's a little shard of tortilla chip caught between my teeth. [groans]

[Jake tries licking his teeth to get the tortilla chip out]

BMO: Get big and the chip will fall out of your teeth.

Jake: Ha! You think I can stretch out of everything? You're so naive. To live life, you need problems.

BMO: [pause] That's stupid!

Jake: If you get everything you want the minute you want it, what's the point of living?

Red Starved [5.38]

[Finn takes off his pack and dumps its contents on the ground. Jake takes a cookie out of the pile, Marceline holds an empty brown paper bag]

Marceline: Hey, where are my red erasers? They were in here.

Jake: Uh-oh... I thought they were candy.

Marceline: You... eat all... MY RED?!!

Jake: Oooh! I'm sorry!

Finn: Calm down, Marceline. There's gotta be some red stuff in these ruins. I'll go explore. You guys hang out here and save your energy. [walks off]

Marceline: Thanks, Finn. [Finn walks into a cave, points to Jake]

Finn: Be cool. [Jake eats his cookie, turns to Marceline]

Jake: So... how hungry are you? [Marceline hisses at him, he cowers] Aah! I'm sorry! Please don't eat my blood! [Marceline sighs]

Marceline: Jake, I don't want to hurt you, but you should know things get crazy when I'm hungry.

Jake: Like, how crazy?

Marceline: I'm gonna go into feral mode. Oh, it's not gonna be pretty. [Jake whimpers, eats his cookie] I know! Let's tie me up. That way, you won't be scared.

Jake: And that will keep you from draining my bloods?

Marceline: Not physically, no, but as a prop, I think it'll be good for both of us. You know, psychologically.

Jake: [gulps, whispers] Hurry, Finn...

Play Date [5.40]

Ice King: [points accusingly at Abracadaniel] This wizard donk is trying to jack my treehouse styles just 'cause he beat me that one time at Wizard Battle, and if he takes one step closer, I'll bust him up one real good!

Finn: Hey, Simon, how would you like to stay in the coolest hotel?

Jake: Lumpy Space Princess stays there! That's how cool it is!

Finn: We'll even put you up for a few weeks until your place is ready.

Ice King: Ah, but that sounds lonely. I'd just like to stay here with you guys. Having roommates is nice. Keeps me out of my head. Gunther only says "Wenk". What's up with that?

Finn: [chuckles nervously] Yeah. [Jake drags him away to the kitchen]

Jake: Finn, I'm ready to murder the Ice King.

Finn: No... uh, I have another idea.

[FInn and Jake jumps downstairs to see a black-skinned demon holding Ice King and Abracadaniel by their necks]

Finn/Jake: Kee Oth!

Kee Oth: Joshua! [Finn and Jake walk to Kee Oth saying "Kee Oth Rama Pan..."] Don't say another word, Joshua, or their throats are going to get it! If you speak the words to banish me, I'll reduce your friends to ash.

Jake: [pause] Kee Oth Rama P— [Finn covers his mouth]

Finn: Dude!!

Jake: Thought he was bluffing.

Kee Oth: I'm not bluffing, Joshua! If you do not willingly return my stolen blood, I will destroy him and him! [Finn and Jake run towards the demon-blood sword's holder]

Finn: Ah! The sword!

Jake: Scary! [Finn takes the sword]

Finn: I just can't do it, Jake. This is Dad's sword!

Jake: You don't have any other choice! Do it!

Kee Oth: Do it!! [Finn's eyes water; breaks the sword in half using his knee. Blood-red mist rises from the pieces]

Finn: Whoa, bro.

[Finn and Jake then wave the blood-red mist to Kee Oth. He drops Ice King and Abracadaniel. He becomes red and much bigger]

Finn: You got your blood. Now get outta here!

Kee Oth: All right, I'll go. Psych! Got you now, Joshua!

[Kee Oth catches Jake in his right hand. He starts cackling and vanishes with Jake being engulfed in fire. Finn drops down on his knees while Abracadaniel and Ice King scratch their heads]

Abracadaniel: Uh, hey... so, uh, I should be getting home.

Ice King: Uh, yeah, me, too. Hey, Abracadaniel, you wanna hang out at my place?

Abracadaniel: I thought your house broke.

Ice King: Psh! Ice Kingdom's been rebuilt for weeks. [they both leave; Finn is shellshocked with his broken sword in his hands]

Finn: Jake...?

James [5.42]

Finn: Thanks for bringing us along on the trip, Peebs.

Jake: Yeah. It's unfortunate we can't enjoy some of these cool things we're passing by, but I guess we could do that the next time we're in the Desert of Wonders, whenever that is!

Bubblegum: We're on a mission to collect samples only. I want to start colonizing this area by the end of the year.

Jake: You are killing me, PB!

Bubblegum: Those goo monsters will barf their way through the hull in mere minutes. Finn, what should we do?

Finn: Uh... let's radio for help.

Bubblegum: Good idea, but looks like the radio's kaplowed.

James: [whirs] I can fix that radio. Mrow-row-row! Pling! [pulls out a coin] With this! It's a lucky coin! Bam! [places coin on radio] When I bust out my coin, great stuff happens, like when I was chosen to go on this mission with you guys! Hee-hee-hee-hee! [Jake grumbles uncomfortably, enlarges his head and shouts]

Jake: JAMES, THAT'S NOT HELPING!!!

Finn: Don't panic, baby.

Bubblegum: Yes. James is very resourceful. He'll work it out.

[James keeps making mechanical noises fiddling the radio with his coin; he turns a screw with the coin]

James: Look, Princess! I invented a coin-operated coin screwdrive-e-er!

Bubblegum: See what I mean? [gives thumbs up] Good job, James. Come on, guys. Let's take inventory of the emergency gear. [James opens radio]

James: Lucky coin strikes again!

Finn: [meets Jake in the back room with Bubblegum] You want to do this trust-huddle style, buddy?

Jake: Mm. [the three form a huddle]

Bubblegum: So, what's all the hubbub?

Jake: What's up with that James dude?

Finn: Yeah. Do you think James could be breaking things on purpose?

Bubblegum: No. James wouldn't do that.

Jake: Wake up! Dude's a saboteur.

Bubblegum: It's not James.

James: [in the huddle] What's not James? [beat] I got lonely up front. I wanted to see what y'all are up to.

Finn: Hey, that gives me an idea.

James: Me too! Vrrt! [laughs] Just kidding! I don't have any ideas.

Root Beer Guy [5.43]

Root Beer Guy: [typewriting in voiceover] "I knew there was trouble. I could smell it on the hot evening breeze. Fortunately for me, trouble is my favorite thing... because I'm Joe Milkshake. I kicked down the door with one swift decisive motion".. No... "With one swift and decisive motion, I kicked down the door"— No! "The door was kicked down by me swiftly, with not many motions but a whole lot of decisiveness was used by me that was apparent to everybody."

[Root Beer Guy follows Finn and Jake into the Pudding's Hardware store; he comes to the store owner]

Root Beer Guy: Mr. Pudding—

Mr. Pudding: Oh, you can just call me Buck.

Root Beer Guy: Uh, Buck, those—

Buck: No need to be formal here, son.

Root Beer Guy: Th-those guys were just in here, can you tell me what they bought?

Buck: Well, let's see. A shovel, a saw, some plastic bags, some duct tape, a bludgeon, a mop, rubber gloves.

[as Buck finishes, RBG holds the pack of matches out of his pocket reading "Greetings from Beautiful Lake Butterscotch"]

Root Beer Guy: Say, Mister... Buck, do you know anything about this Lake Butterscotch?

Buck: A right nice spot, Lake Butterscotch. Miles from where anyone can hear a person scream, if a person was screaming for some reason. Creepy now that I think about it. Nothing up there these days but some abandoned caverns. Nice place to hide a body if you're into that sort of thing. [RBG runs offscreen to a truck] Son, now, what are you doin' in my pickup truck?

Betty [5.48]

[Gunter guides Marceline, Finn and Jake to Simon in his ice laboratory]

Marceline: Simon!

Simon: Marceline! [she flies down to him and embrace each other]

Marceline: I thought I'd never see you again.

Simon: I can hardly believe it myself. You're all grown up.

Jake: Believe? She's like a million years old.

Simon: One million years?! How can it be?!

Marceline: He's just kidding. I'm only a thousand.

Jake: And still lookin' good!

Finn: Do you remember anything when you were the Ice King?

Simon: Nothing specific, just dream-like impressions.

Finn: Do you still have impressions from all the times you flip your bricks?

Simon: I have... bruises.

[Betty and Simon fly the magic carpet heading for Wizard City]

Betty: Get on, Simon!

Simon: I am getting on... the death bus! [Death appears to be driving on an invisible bus seat]

Death: I got you in my sights, Simon! [cackling]

Simon: It's my time, Betty! I don't want to be the Ice King again! It's like living with eternal diaper butt, I can't do it!

Betty: Not forever! Destroying Bella Noche and getting your powers back will buy me time to find a loophole that'll undo your curse and your death. I can do it, you got to believe me, Simon! [Simon starts crying tears]

Simon: I...

Death: Get real, man. You're gonna be the Ice King 'til the sun blows up. This is your one chance. I made a mixtape for the ride, "Summer Jams 3".

Simon: If I don't let her try, then what am I? What am us?

Betty: What?

Death: Uh, fair enough. See you in a few.

Bad Timing [5.49]

Lumpy Space Princess: To let someone you love go into the arms of another takes a big person. I don't know if I can be that big.

[Lumpy Space Princess eavesdrops under Jake's chair seeing Bubblegum's time bubble, throws Jake up high flying across the room]

LSP: Take me back to when my ex-boyfriend Brad loved me!! [gets in time bubble]

Bubblegum: LSP.

LSP: Wha?

Bubblegum: LSP, that's not how it works. It can only rearrange your molecules into a previously logged formation, and you need these gloves.

LSP: [hushed] ..Give them to me.

Bubblegum: No.

LSP: You witch! Give them to me now!! [pounds table]

Bubblegum: No, I'm sorry, but you need to pull yourself toge— [LSP jumps on her to the floor]

LSP: You skunk! [starts ripping off PB's hair] You skunk, you skunk!! You pretty skunk!! You don't know heartache, with the whole Candy Kingdom in love with your pretty Bubblegum buns!! [Bubblegum hits LSP with her tiara, knocks into a bookshelf] Glob! [pants as peeved Bubblegum stands up with Jake watching]

Bubblegum: Hear me, Lumpy Space Princess. I will avoid declaring war on the entirety of Lumpy Space, ruled by your parents, if you apologize to me immediately! [LSP gets up]

LSP: I'm sorry-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y... [floats toward the door] I'm sorry you're so [quietly] stupid. [slams door]

Jake/Punchbowl: Whoa!! [both laughing]

Bubblegum: Sheesh!

Lemonhope Part One [5.50]

Lemongrab: "In conclusion, no one needs to come here ever, especially Lemonhope and I ate my brother, goodbye!"

[LG's body ruptures even more worser and LG 2 comes out]

Lemongrab 2: "SAVE US, LEMONHOPE!!! YOU'RE OUR ONLY LEMONHO—"

Lemonhope Part Two [5.51]

Phlannel: Morning, Lemonhope! Hey, is there any more white coal down in the hold? [pulls bucket full of steaming hot black diamonds] More black diamonds equals more love potions. The old three Rs, you know what I'm saying? "R-R-Romance." [chuckles] Oh, man, I can't wait for some lo-o-ove. It's been so lo— [drops bucket] whoops! Oh, rats. Oh, well. [looks to Lemonhope] Hey, don't sweat it, buddy. It wasn't your fault.

Lemonhope: I-It's not that, Phlannel. I-I had a bad dream.

Phlannel: Again? That's the third time this week.

Lemonhope: [sighs] I'm free now, Phlannel, to do all whatevs I ever wanted, but all I think about is my old life. What does it mean?

Phlannel: Well, it's true you are free—free to help the Lemon People or leave them be. But a deft unpaid is not easily forgotten, so you are a prisoner still... in deinem kopf.

Lemonhope: Huh. That's what Mistress always said, and I didn't even listen.

Phlannel: Ah, Lemonhope, you're a doer, not a listener. You learn with your hands and heart, not your head. So, what will you do, Lemonhope?

Lemonhope: I'll... I'll-I'll go back and... I'll help my people... and maybe I'll feel better.

Phlannel: [laughs joyfully] And how will you do it?

Lemonhope: Um, with my harp and... m-my flute! A-and help from my friend Phlannel!

Phlannel: Ah, little Lemonhope. Of course I'll take you as far as I can, but I can't interfere directly in Lemongrab politics. All those old pacts and treaties have me sklonked up tighter than a synethic zanoit sterilzer bed compressor tube enlarger on garbage day.

Lemongrab: Ohhhh, The Harp! Didn't i just explain? I've got things in my-uugghh [Lemongrab 2 removes the corks] Uh! AH!! MMY THINGS!! Wragh... aggh.. mmm.. Agh! [Tries to recover his corks, but fails, the Lemon Children grab his arms, chanting "Hope" while doing so] AAAH!! OH, LET ME GO! LET ME GOOOOO!!!

Lemongrab 2: The harp, Lemonhope, THE HAARP!!

[Lemonhope starts playing the harp while giving a shocked look at Lemongrab]

Lemongrab: OH! OOH!! OOH, THE SOUND'S AWFUUULLL!!!

Lemongrab 2: FASTER, LEMONHOPE!!

[lemonhope sweats as he plays the harp faster]

Lemongrab: WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!

Lemongrab 2: FASTER, LEMONHOPE!!

Lemongrab: I CAN'T STAND NO MORE!!

Lemongrab 2: FASTEER!!

[Lemonhope bares his teeth]

Lemongrab: WUAAAAAAAAAAA-[Lemongrab explodes, sending the Lemon children flying in the air, bits of both Lemongrabs fall back to the ground, including Lemonhope and two other Children]

Billy's Bucket List [5.52]

Finn: "Lie on my back in the ocean." Cool. RRRRRRHNN!!! ...Why the ocean, Billy!?

Finn: Off the dome, here we go. Unh.

I'm-a started now. I'm-a battle now.

We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time.

I rap for millions...

[...]

Sesquipedalians!

Finn: What's the thing you wanted to tell me?

Billy: Oh, uh... You must go to the citadel. That's where your father is.

Finn: Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the--

Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.

Finn: What?

Billy: Your father, Finn. He's alive! He's alive. (He's alive... He's alive...)

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