The Nanny (1993–1999) is an American sitcom tarring actress Fran Drescher as Fran Fine, a charming and bubbly Jewish Queens native who casually becomes the pantyhose-clad nanny of three children from the New York Upper Class.
Pen Pals [3.1]
- Fran: You wouldn't believe I'm the fastest woman on Earth?
- Mr. Sheffield: In that outfit, I would.
- Mr. Sheffield: Where is Ms. Fine anyway?
- Niles: She's upstairs getting all farpitzed.
- Mr. Sheffield: What does that mean?
- Niles: You know, dressed.
- Mr. Sheffield: I thought that was farblondzshet.
- Niles: No, sir, that means confused.
- Mr. Sheffield: No, man, that's farkakteh.
- Niles: Well then, what's farshimlt?
- Mr. Sheffield: I think that's her uncle.
Fran And The Professor [3.2]
- Mr. Sheffield: It's President Clinton's Renaissance Weekend. I was hoping I'd be invited.
- Fran: Oh, a Renaissance Weekend. Boy, Clinton goes to those things? 'Cause I'm thinking tights and a pointy hat is not his best look.
- Mr. Sheffield: Where is this brother of yours, C.C.?
- Fran: Brother? There's a brother coming? Is he short, ugly and married?
- C. C.: No, why?
- Fran: Then I gotta change.
Dope Diamond [3.3]
- Fran: Ma, Jules is gonna be here in two minutes. Would you stop futzing with my skirt? Can you believe her? Stop it!
- Mr. Sheffield: Ms. Fine, she's your mother. She's just pulling it down.
- Fran: She's my mother. She's hiking it up.
A Fine Family Feud [3.4]
- Fran: I felt just like my mother when I told her I lost my virgin... [Sees Grace] Airline tickets.
- Grace: Did they give you another one?
- Fran: No, honey. When you lose that ticket, it's non-refundable.
- Niles: Unless you get engaged to Prince Charles, then it miraculously reappears.
- Fran: Ma, you have nothing to do with this!
- Sylvia: I have nothing to do with my daughter's boss's daughter's sweet sixteen?
Val's Apartment [3.5]
- Fran: Gracie, that whining is so annoying. (whining) Where did you pick that up?
- Val: Oh my God, a roach! A roach!
- Fran: Well, take your shoe off and kill it!
- (Val takes off her shoe and steps on the roach with her bare foot)
Shopaholic [3.6]
- Fran: The years are passing me by! 27, 28, 29, 29, 29...
- Mr. Sheffield: Just spare me the details.
- Niles: Alright, but it's about Danny and Heather Biblow.
- Maxwell: Alright, come on, dish!
- Niles: Well, you didn't hear it from me, but Heather wants Val out of the bridal shop so Danny fired her.
- Maxwell: He didn't!
- Niles: He did.
Oy Vey, You're Gay [3.7]
- Fran: Er...I'm letting go and you're not. Why?
- Sydney: Aren't you gay too?
- Fran: Me? I'm not gay.
- Sydney: I just assumed. You're over 30, never been married, there isn't a man in your life...
- Fran: Oh, honey, I'm not gay. I'm just pathetic.
- Fran: Oh my god.
- Mr. Sheffield: What? Another rat?
- Fran: Worse. There's an echo in here. I just heard my own voice.
The Party's Over [3.8]
- C.C: Maxwell, I can not tell you how exited I am about our little weekend...[sprays perfume on her] getaway...[sprays more perfume] to Boston. [sprays more perfume]
- Mr. Sheffield: Its a business trip C.C
- C.C: Of course I know that. Work work work. In fact, I'm on my way to get a wax-I mean fax.
- Niles: Don't worry sir you'll be near Salem, they know how to take care of her kind there.
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles you don't think C.C wants to go to Boston to um...you know.
- Niles: Shout the British are coming?
- Judge: Miss Fine? Do you have your attorney present?
- Fran: Oh... my attorney present. Oh-oh... you know what, I'm not going to get him anything. Let's see how he does first.
- Judge: (to the bailiff) Is this a competency hearing?
- Fran: (about Fran's uncle and lawyer) He's strictly pro bono.
- Val: Really? Well I'm glad he's not representing me because I'm pro Cher.
The Two Mrs. Sheffields [3.9]
- Fran: My God, Val, Mr. Sheffield proposed to me just to get even with his mother!
- Val: Wow! ...Good thing she showed up, huh?
- Fran: I can't marry someone under false pretenses!
- Val: You can't? Gee, you think you know a person.
- Fran: (Running into Maxwell's office) Look at this! 'Hello Dolly' spelled out in Spaghetti O's! I swear it fell out of the can that way!
(in Maxwell's office talking about Mr. Sheffield Proposal to Fran)
- Mr. Sheffield: Hang up man I'm not going through with it
- Niles: Oh you stupid fool
- Mr. Sheffield: what a rotten thing to do dragging Miss Fine in the middle of all this, Poor thing has a crush on me as it is.
- Niles: oh she does, does she?
- Mr. Sheffield: Oh come on man, wouldn't you?
- Niles: Yes well you've always been the sunshine of my life.
- Mr. Sheffield: Oh I don't know Niles, Maybe I'm making too much of all this, I mean surely she must realize I just blurted it out in the heat of the moment, Yea she couldn't have possibly have taken me seriously.
- Fran: That's what i was gonna wear on our honeymoon night.
Having His Baby [3.10]
- C. C.: [to Niles] Listen, Hazel (laughs) Don't you have anything to dust off?
- Niles: How about the left side of your bed?
- Fran: (looking at picture of her ex-boyfriend, Danny's newborn baby) Oh, I'm so jealous!
- Niles: (grabs picture from Fran) Miss Fine, I can't see why this picture makes you yearn for a child. I could see a Lhasa Apso...
The Unkindest Gift [3.11]
- Sylvia: Fran, you're probably wondering why I'm acting so strange.
- Fran: Ma, you've been here for two seconds. You yelled, you ate. The only thing strange is that you haven't showed me a wedding announcement from a girl I went to high school with.
- Sylvia: It's in my purse.
- Sylvia: You know I don't like to be filmed when I'm eating.
- Fran: Which is why there's more footage of Bigfoot than of her.
The Kibbutz [3.12]
- Fran: Oh, Niles, it's so hard planning a vacation when you're single.
- Niles: Yes, it's so much nicer when you have a family so you can lug their ski equipment around Vale, sit around the fire listening to "Niles, get me a brandy!" "Niles, give me a comforter!" "Niles, go out in that blizzard for a PIZZA!"
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
- Niles: WHAT... is that on your shoe, sir? Let me get that for you.
- Mr. Sheffield: Every time I ask you to do something, you always manage to screw it all up.
- Fran: And yet you continue to ask me. You need help, mister.
- . . .
- Mr. Sheffield: Why do I ever listen to you?
- Fran: Well, my voice is kinda hard to tune out.
An Offer She Can't Refuse [3.13]
- Fran: Hi, you must be Mr. Tattori.
- Tony: Please. My friends call me Tony. [Kisses her hand]
- Fran: [Pulls it back] What does your wife call ya?
- Tony: I'm divorced.
- Fran: [Extends it again] I'm Fran.
- Fran: So... tell me about yourself. What do you like to do besides dress like a million bucks and drive around in a limo? Which is all I ever really aspire to.
- Tony: It is not important what I do. It is important who I am.
- Fran: Who are you?
- Tony: It is not important who I am. It is important who I am with.
Oy To The World (animated Christmas special) [3.14]
- [Fran and Brighton watch a live-action clip of Fran Drescher on TV]
- Fran: [chuckles] I love her. You know, I've seen her in person. She looks much younger.
- [Grace walks to the window]
- Grace: Fran, the storm is getting worse. How is Santa going to deliver all the presents?
- Fran: Gracie, the man is bigger than Dom DeLuise and can fit through a chimney. Believe me, he can get through a blizzard.
- [About C.C. the Abominable Babcock]
- Niles: She's only happy when she's making everyone around her miserable.
- Fran: Sounds like my mother.
- Niles: Be careful. She's 2000 pounds with arms like a wrestler.
- Fran: Oy, she is my mother.
The Fashion Show [3.15]
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles, get this piece of trash out of here!
- Niles: [To C.C.] You heard the man. Move it!
- Mr. Sheffield: Have I let my judgement be impaired by my feelings for Ms. Fine?
- Niles: What feelings are those, sir?
- Mr. Sheffield: Well, you know—
- Niles: No, I don't, sir.
- Mr. Sheffield: Oh, c'mon, Niles—
- Niles: But you'd feel so much better if you just said it.
- Mr. Sheffield: Perhaps you're right! Maybe I should just admit that—
- Fran: [Enters] Knock-knock!
- Niles: Oh, WAIT!!
Where's Fran? [3.16]
- Mr. Sheffield: Oh, look at the time. Where did the day go?
- Niles: Time flies when you're being unreasonable... sir.
- [Yetta enters with a policeman]
- Mr. Sheffield: Yetta, what happened?
- Policeman: [Motioning the crazy sign] We found her wandering around on Queen's Boulevard. She says she lives here.
- Yetta: [Aside to Maxwell] Play along. It's cheaper than a cab.
- Mr. Sheffield: Officer, thank goodness you're here. Look, our nanny is missing. She stormed out of the house this morning and we haven't seen her since.
- Yetta: She got upset when he called her a gorgeous, sexy vixen he couldn't live without.
- Mr. Sheffield: I never said that!
- Yetta: Don't you wish you had?
The Grandmas [3.17]
- [Niles is writing a sign]
- Mr. Sheffield: Can you imagine Ms. Fine thinking I'm predictable! Me! Mr.—
- Niles: [In unison] —Spontaneity.
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles, you don't think I'm predictable, do you? [Niles shows his sign: "Of course not, sir"] Well, predictable is good, predictable is solid... Oh, God, even I knew I was going to say that.
- Niles: If I were you, sir, I'd do something before she wakes up in the bedroom of another man... sion.
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles, I want her to be happy here. How do you suppose I go about satisfying Ms. Fine?
- Niles: [Awkward silence] Well, the second way, sir—
- Mr. Sheffield: Niles!
- Niles: Just shake it up, sir! Do something wild, out there, totally unexpected, I don't know. Give me a bonus!
Val's Boyfriend [3.18]
- Niles: I'm sorry, sir. I just— I just got so excited. I mean, she said and then— then you said and— and when she said "I quit!" well, I—I just wanted to roll over, light up, and watch Letterman.
- Mr. Sheffield: I just can't be genuinely insincere the way Ms. Babcock is. I tried calling everyone sweetie darling like she does. Now Harvey Fierstein's making pesto for me on Thursday.
Love Is A Many Blundered Thing [3.19]
- [Teaching Brighton a lesson]
- Fran: Guess who's picking you up from school tomorrow? My mother!
- Brighton: So?
- Fran: Straight from jazzercise in her thong leotards. And you know, she don't wait outside neither. She'd wanna come in and meet all your little friends.
- Brighton: [higher-pitched] So?
- Fran: Maybe she'll even do her flash dance. You know, she's a maniac.
- Brighton: [repentant] No! I'm sorry! I'll be a good boy!
- Fran: It is too late, mister. You'd better be watching your back and sleeping with one eye opened! And brush your teeth after every meal! [gets a look] What? I'm still his nanny.
Your Feet's Too Big [3.20]
- Mr. Sheffield: People want to do business with me because I'm, well, cute. Big bushy hair, English accent. I'm a one-man mop-top British invasion.
- Niles: I think Ms. Fine made it up that your hair is thinning because you weren't sympathetic to her problem.
- Mr. Sheffield: That's because she doesn't have a bloody problem! Look, Niles, she's a young beautiful woman. What do I have to do to convince her she's desirable?!
- Niles: Oh, sir, I'm sure you'll think of something. [Sprays cologne on him] After all, you're a man, she's a woman, fill in the blanks. The children are at the school, she's lying on the sofa and if all else fails, what would Pierce Brosnan do?
Where's The Pearls? [3.21]
- Mr. Sheffield: [to Fran] You're my nanny. You take care of my children.
- Fran: But I've got style, I've got flair. How did I become the nanny?
- Niles: How do you do, Tiss Maylor? I'm Biles, the nutler.
- Maxwell: It doesn't matter who's coming over, Miss Fine, because you're not going to meet her... him, or it.
- Fran: You know, I cannot believe that you don't trust me. I mean, I sit here cooped up in the house all day, you never introduce me to any of the stars that you know, you never let me in any of your shows. I have a good mine to get Little Ricky and... oh.
- C. C.: Nanny Fine, I need you to drop off this script to Antonio Banderas!
- Fran: Forget it, Miss Babcock. I already know who's coming over here.
- CC: You told her about Elizabeth Taylor?!
- Maxwell: No. You did!
The Hockey Show [3.22]
- Fran: I don't care if I ever get married. Meanwhile, my mother has a sudden urge to jump out the window and she doesn't know why.
- Mr. Sheffield: Margaret, if you were Ms. Fine, what car would you like to drive?
- Maggie: Uh... my husband's.
That's Midlife [3.23]
- Mr. Sheffield: C.C., life is short. You should go back to doing what you were doing when you were young.
- Niles: Sir, there's so little call nowadays for Civil War nurses.
The Cantor Show [3.24]
- Fran: If God listened to my mother, I'd be living in a mansion with a handsome millionaire and gorgeous kids. (stares at the ceiling) She forgot to say "married"?!
- Lady: Shhh!
- Sylvia: Calm down, it's in Hebrew. What, are you afraid you'll miss something?
- Maxwell: I Knew It. I knew it!!........ Andrew Loyd Webber is God
Green Card [3.25]
- Fran: Ooh, croy-sants!
- Niles: [correcting her] Croissants. I never thought I'd say this to you but more nasal.
- Niles: (to CC) No sour grapes, you could have foreign men worship you too. Go to India. You'd be sacred.
Ship Of Fran's [3.26]
- Captain: Welcome aboard the Century, ladies. I'm your captain.
- Fran: [With Yetta hanging onto her] How do you do? I'm Fran Fine and this is my birth control device.
- Yetta: You look so different without your blue uniform and your big handlebar moustache.
- Fran: Yetta, that's Cap'n Crunch.
- Yetta: I know who it is. That picture on the box must have been taken years ago.
- Mr. Sheffield: You can't trust him. He won't make you happy.
- Fran: I don't want to be happy. I want to be married.
A Pup In Paris [3.27]
- Mr. Sheffield: I told mother no one should get a hold of their trust fund until they're at least 30 years old.
- Brighton: 30?! I'm not gonna have a date 'til I'm 30!
- Fran: Honey, at least when you turn 30, you'll be rich. When I turn 30, I'll be... 40.
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