Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman is a satirical soap opera originally syndicated in the United States from January 5, 1976 to July 1, 1977. In the show, Mary Hartman is a frustrated housewife married to an emotionally immature man (Tom Hartman). Mary and Tom are the parents of a pre-teen daughter, named Heather. They and their friends and family live in Fernwood, Ohio, a town in the Midwestern United States.

Despite living in a small town of working-class people, Mary is beset by one shocking event after another, from infidelity to mass murder. She navigates her world with guidance from television, magazines, and library books, and tries her best to respond to crises with cleaning products and processed foods.

Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman satirizes the arbitrary, anything-goes storylines of daytime soap operas; the strange contrast between such stories and the TV commercials that accompany them; and the culture of consumerism in the United States generally. The show was co-created by Gail Parent, Ann Marcus, Jerry Adelman, and Daniel Gregory Browne. It was developed for television by producer Norman Lear, who is also known for his work on such sitcoms as All in the Family (1971), Sanford and Son (1972), and The Jeffersons (1975).

Episodes

Season 1

Episode 27

Mary: I've filled out entry blanks for every single drawing in the supermarket for the last 12 years, and the only thing I ever won was a coupon for a small, little jar of tomato paste; but they were out of tomato paste, and by the time they got more in, my coupon had expired. And now I have venereal disease.

Episode 33

George: You know I can't stand the taste of that mouthwash. I hate it until I've had a cigarette and a cup of coffee.
Tom: To my wife: my best friend, my companion, the woman I love.
Mary: Oh, Tom, that's so beautiful. It's just like a Geritol commercial.

Episode 37

Tom: I'm probably one of the few grown men in this whole town who's never so much as had a puff on one of these things. Can you imagine that? And here I am, a grown man.
Mary: You mean you wanna try it?
Tom: No, no, no. What I was thinkin' is this: Now marijuana is a problem that every parent in America has to deal with, right?
Mary: Right.
Tom: OK. But how can we deal with it if we don't know what the hell it is?
Mary: It's a joint.
Tom: I know it's a joint, but I don't know what it does. I've never had any experience with it.
Mary: You mean you wanna try it for scientific purposes?
Tom: Well, for parental purposes, so when we discuss this thing with Heather, we know what we're talkin' about.
Mary: I don't know, Tom. I don't know if it's a good idea for us to smoke this thing at all—I mean, even for parental purposes. I don't think we should smoke it, I really don't.
Tom: Have you got a match?
Mary: Yeah, here.

Episode 38

Dorelda Doremus: Do you have faith?
Loretta: Oh yes, Ma'am, I do.
Dorelda Doremus: Do you truly believe?
Loretta: Oh, I truly believe, I do. I believe like I know my name's Loretta Haggers and I'm gonna be the biggest country/western star in the whole world!
Dorelda Doremus: And you truly have faith?
Loretta: Oh yes, Ma'am, it's just … runnin' through me like a turned-on garden hose.

Episode 51

Mary: You're angry, aren't you?
Tom: Who the hell said I was angry? Who?

Episode 59

Miriam: Well, a body can't be married to a man like Charlie for five months without wondering how the rest of his life turned out.
Loretta: Oh! Well, I can answer that for you real quick: It turned out great. See, Charlie is happier than a hungry hog with a bowl o' slops. … I mean, we have what a lot of people call "the ideal marriage". We're just so plum in love that it's kinda sickening to some folks.

Episode 71

Mary: I saw a very sad episode on a soap opera today.
Cathy: Oh, I saw it, too: The Horror of Our Days?
Mary: No, no. It was The Torment of Our Lives.
Cathy: What channel is that on?
Mary: It's ABC.
Cathy: Oh. That explains why I haven't seen it.

Episode 75

Mary: I'm, fine, Ma, I'm just fine. Tom went to work at the plant, I am here in the kitchen, and we said goodbye at the door.
Martha: But he was so upset, and you were so upset.
Mary: Ma, it is probably just the mineral wastes. You know? There is a lot of mineral waste in the water. You have to remember: these are the 1970s; we have to be thankful that we're just functioning.
Martha: I suppose.
Mary: You know what else I did? I did the dishes, I made my shopping list, I made my grocery list, I have Hamburger Helper, I have Tuna Helper, I have Helper Helper ….
Martha: But, Mary, do you really think they help? Because just look at you.
Mary: I'm not depressed, Ma. I managed to get out of bed, and I remembered that Loretta is about to be on TV. I mean, that, to me, is such a lift! I mean, that a neighbor of mine, a friend, has actually broken out of this rut!
Dinah Shore: Though he had to leave earlier in the show, I want to thank the wonderful Joe Namath for taking time out from his many knee injuries to model pantyhose for us today. Thank you so much, Joe! [Dinah kisses the air.] You are a dear. Now, where were we?
Loretta: Well, Dinah, we was just mashin' the heck out of these sweet potatoes.

Episode 85

Dennis: I want to talk to you.
Mary: About what?
Dennis: The truth.
Mary: No! Don't do that! I don't want to hear the truth. It confuses me. What truth?
Mary: My sister hates me, my daughter ignores me, and … my mother bugs me, and my husband can't communicate with me, and I just—. Why? I mean, why is this happening to me? Why?
…
Dennis: Because you're not honest with yourself.

Cast

Main cast

Supporting cast

Guest appearances

See also

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