The following is a list of quotes from the third season of Ed, Edd n Eddy.

Wish You Were Ed [3.1a]

Rolf: [lamenting over his home country] I grow tired of this...cold cement, [the camera zooms over to the overhead power lines] this...twisted steel of industry, [then over to a playground] this confusing leisure delights, [and then over to Ed, who is still stuck through the mailbox] and your ill-at-ease customs! [Ed spits out some mail]Rolf sweats himself to understand your "modern go-go" world, but he yearns the simple life... the life once had in the old country! [pulls out a locket and looks at a picture of himself in his home country]

Edd: Are you all right, Rolf?

Rolf: My heart! My heart! It's broken... Rolf longs for the old village! [walks away with Wilfred while covering his eyes]

Eddy: Geez, talk about killing a mood.

Edd: Rolf's frustrated, Eddy. How difficult it must be to adapt to a new way of life. To put aside handed down beliefs, and be pulled between two cultures.

Ed: Rolf's homesick, Eddy.

[Ed falls into a hole Rolf has dug]

Rolf: [to Eddy] Your village idiot has fallen in Rolf's hole. A celebration, I say!

Eddy: Eh, sure, why not?

Rolf: Oh, is this so? Let Rolf teach you then. [He grabs the jug and plays "That's My Horse"]

Eddy: C'mon, Double D! Rolf wants to celebrate! Check out Barishna Cough Drop here. Ed: That's my horse! [He throws Eddy against a backdrop] Edd: [terrified] It's your horse, it's your horse! Ed: Uh-uh-uh. Like this, Double D! [He forces Edd to hit him, turning his hand swollen] Edd: Okay Ed, it's my horse! Ed: No Edd, it's my horse!

Momma's Little Ed [3.1b]

Eddy: See? This is Mommy's note, and my exact copy. Pretty good, huh? He'll never tell the difference!

Ed: That is so lame, Eddy.

Eddy: And you're like a human photocopier, right, Mr. Perfecto?

Ed: Dare to compare! [Shows Eddy an identical sticky note to the one written by Edd's parents]

Eddy: Will you ever cease to amaze me, Ed?

Ed: Yes, I will.

[As one of Ed and Eddy's sticky note pranks, Edd has to get a cup of sugar from the Kanker sisters]

Edd: Hello? Oh, I-I was going to–-

Marie: Ask me for a date?

May: Sweep me off my feet?

Lee: Stand in line, girls!

Edd: [sweating and giggling nervously] Oh yes... C-could I trouble you for a cup of sugar?

Marie: He wants to share condiments.

May: We're so alike!

Marie: [punching May] Back off, bowser!

Lee: Marie! Grab him before he runs away!

Eddy: [watching from behind a junked car with Ed] This is better than cable!

Edd: [as the Kankers hug him] Ladies, please!

May: We're ladies!

Lee: He said "please"!

Marie: Let's kiss him!

Edd: [shocked] Kiss?! No, not that!

Eddy: And I thought today was gonna be a write-off! Get it? "Write off"? [the cup flies overhead] I can't stand it! [collapses with laughter]

[Edd crawls by, hiding inside his hat]

Ed: Oh no! They tore off Double D's head!

Eddy: Hurry up, Ed! Write another note!

[The Kankers discover them]

Lee: Well, if it ain't Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

Marie: You take the short, yappy one, Lee.

May: Beat it, Marie, you had your turn! [throws Marie against a trailer] I'll take the big goofy one, Lee!

Eddy: RUN, ED! [flees]

Ed: [holding out the cup] Don't let me have to use this!

Lee: What are you gonna do, bake us a cake?

Ed: [shoves the cup over their heads] WAIT FOR ME, EDDY!

Edd: IT'S THE STICKY NOTES OF THE APOCALYPSE! I can't go on! There's only one solution; I'll just move in with one of you.

[Ed smiles at this, while Eddy looks shocked]

Ed: Move in with me! Move in with me!

Eddy: [sarcastically] Yeah, Lumpy could use some company.

Ed: We can be like brothers and share the same bathroom!

Once Upon An Ed [3.2a]

[Jonny uses a rope and pulley system to carry him and Plank up to his room while humming to himself]

Jonny: [to Plank] Race you to bed!

[Jonny and Plank dive into the bed and worm their way to the top]

Jonny: Stop tickling me, Plank! [Plank wins the race] You beat me again, you jackrabbit, you!

Plank:

Jonny: You want a bedtime story? Okay! Let's read this one! Conrad the Lonely Stump.

Plank:

Jonny: [started reading] "Dickie Packford had a farm and on the farm was a lonely stump."

[Creaking noises suddenly come from the walls all around them. Jonny knocks on a section and it knocks back]

Jonny: Did you hear that, Plank? We got wall weasels!

[A section of the wall crumbles, revealing something yellow which turns out Ed]

Ed: Who's there? [More gives way to reveal Edd]

Edd: Oh boy, my leg's caught! [More wall breaks in order to reveal Eddy]

Eddy: Break it up! Get out of the way, make room!

Edd: I think I'm sitting on a nail.

Ed: My turn!

Jonny: Hey! How'd you guys get inside my wall?!

Plank:

Jonny: What's that?

Plank:

Jonny: Plank says take a hike or we'll call the cops.

Eddy: Hey, Plank! Ever took a tour of a toothpick factory?!

Edd: Eddy, manners! Assess the situation. Jonny deserves an explanation. Now, if someone could just...redirect their foot, I'd be happy to tell Jonny the story.

Jonny: We're getting a new bedtime story, Plank! Woohoo!

Edd: Well, let's see now. The story begins–

Eddy: Oh, come on! Ed's drooling on my head!

Edd: [off-screen in Jonny's point of view] There's an art to storytelling, Eddy. One must use a pallet of words, to paint images, blend sentences, and project them in an interesting way.

Ed: Boring!

Jonny: Yeah, boring!

Eddy: See? Jonny's got your number, Double D. Let me tell you the story, Jonny boy!

[Eddy focuses on a picture of a flower hanging over Jonny's bed. The flower becomes real and the story begins]

[A white shoe lands on the flower. It's Eddy, dressed sharply in a white suit and white top hat]

Eddy: [voiceover] I was strolling down the sidewalk, same old, nothing special, when Kevin rides up and says:

Dream Kevin: [He's very monkeylike, with large ears, an apelike nose, and fur sprouting all over his body] Um, excuse me, Mr. Eddy, nice day for a walk, isn't it sir?

Eddy: [voiceover] And I say:

Eddy: Hey Kev, is that a flat tire you got there?

Eddy: [voiceover] He looks down, and bam!"

[In the dream, Kevin rides into a tree]

Eddy: [to himself] What a sap!

Dream Kevin: Good one, Mr. Eddy! Ha-Ha! I am such a dork! [laughs]

[Eddy comes to the gates of a palatial estate. These are guarded by two statues of golden roaring Eddys. The doors swing open, reveal a bunch of golden statues depicting how rich Eddy is]

Eddy: [voiceover] With that, I figured I'd take a shortcut through my lavish estate and pop in on my modest jawbreaker back. Just to rush the help.

[In the bank, Rolf hands over a jawbreaker, and Edd gives him a deposit sheet]

Dream Edd: Please sign on the dotted line, Rolf. Thank you.

[Rolf stands up. In this dream, he is incredibly thin, and his head is about as wide as the rest of his body and shaped like a pin]

Dream Rolf: Take care of my jawbreaker, as I am a simpleton, yes?

Dream Edd: You're welcome!

[Ed, the stamper, slams his head down on the paper, stamping it with the bank's seal: Eddy's face with "Okay By Me" written around it]

Dream Ed: I am a lump.

[Eddy throws open the doors to the bank]

Eddy: Greetings, citizens!

[The kids smile and wave. Jimmy is wearing a more complex retainer and a diaper, Nazz is in a swimsuit, and Sarah is dressed normally, but sporting a big smile]

Dream Jimmy: [enchanted] He's so self-absorbed.

Eddy: My public. [He strides forward proudly]

Dream Jimmy: [running up with Sarah] Mr. Eddy, Mr. Eddy! Is that a new suit?

Dream Sarah: Can I touch it, huh, can I?!

[Eddy swats them away]

Dream Edd: [deferential] Good day, Mr. Eddy! It's me, Double D! How are you today, sir?

Eddy: Get to work, slacker.

Dream Edd: Yes indeedy. No shirking in this department, not here.

Eddy: [through the intercom] I'm about to speak. Since I'm executive president and owner of the International Bank of Jawbreakers, Inc., drop your jawbreakers and get lost! The bank's closed! But hey, don't forget to come back tomorrow, 'cause I love ya. [winks]

[Ed and Edd struggle to close the doors but manage it, although several arms wiggle through the crack]

[A giant golden bank vault is seen]

Eddy: [voiceover] Once I got rid of the commoners, it was time to check on the stash.

[Edd works the tumblers on a lock until it opens. Ed puts his head into a giant keyhole and turns. The door creaks open to reveal a giant stash of jawbreakers from all over the world. Eddy laughs like a maniac]

Dream Edd: Mr. Eddy, shall I begin the inventory?

Eddy: Get on with it, slouch. Ed, top floor, pronto.

Dream Ed: Watch your step, Mr. Eddy. [His neck extends, elevating Eddy]

Eddy: C'mon, c'mon. That's the one, Ed. Japan flavor. Come to papa. [He eagerly plucks a jawbreaker from the Japan section. Ed is seen licking the stash of jawbreakers from China] Ed! Don't touch! You're an employee! [He swats the tongue away]

Dream Edd: [panicked] Agony, agony! As many times as I've gone over these numbers, they don't add up!

Eddy: You've obviously made a mistake in the correlation between the gross revenues and the sum of the square root, minus a piece of pie.

Dream Edd: [relieved] What was I thinking? You're a genius, Mr. Eddy! [He kneels to kiss Eddy's shoe]

[We fade back to the real world]

Edd: [confused] The square root of a piece of pie?

Eddy: What?

Edd: Pure fiction, Eddy! Your exaggerated tale could only be described as cockamamie!

Ed: Tsk, tsk, tsk. I have never heard such language.

Jonny: [excitedly] Don't stop now! What happened next?! What happened next?!

Edd: Control yourself, Jonny! Continuing from where Eddy left off, this discomfort began with Jimmy's arrival to my correctly designed Jawbreaker Bank.

[We enter Edd's dream world. Everything is measured, even the sky, and the fences are white. In fact, everything here, even the dirt, looks cleaner and nicer. Edd is polishing the counter at a Bank of Jawbreakers as Jimmy approaches while humming to himself]

Edd: [upon seeing Jimmy] Oh, happy day! A customer!

Dream Eddy: [excitedly] Get the pigeon! Get him! Grab the jawbreaker! Take it! It's mine!

Edd: [to Eddy] How mortifying. [smiled to Jimmy] Good day, Jimmy! Don't we look special. Care to show me your unbridled smile? [Jimmy smiles a perfect smile without his everyday retainer] Impeccable.

Dream Jimmy: I'd like to make a deposit.

Edd: At Edd's Jawbreaker Bank, we pride our–

Dream Eddy: [slobbering] Gimme the jawbreaker! Jimmy's a sucker! Take it from him, it's mine!

Edd: It's rude to interrupt, Eddy! [to Jimmy] Where was I? We pride ourselves on customer satisfaction and–[Ed is drooling on the jawbreaker] Ed. [Edd pulls Ed back and wipes his mouth] My apologies, Jimmy, but Ed can't help himself sometimes. Lovable oaf.

Dream Eddy: [salivating] Lemme have it! So that I can put it in our jawbreaker vault?

Edd: I see signs of progress, Eddy.

[Edd's eyes bulge. Eddy has grabbed the jawbreaker and stuffed it in his mouth along with Jimmy's hands]

Dream Jimmy: My hands! My jawbreaker! Eddy germs! [Jimmy pulls the candy loose and runs away] Help! They're after me! I'm so delicate! [Ed and Eddy give chase]

Edd: [shouting] WHAT'RE YA DOING?!?!?!

[Ed and Eddy stop and come back to Edd, cowering pitifully]

Edd: I hope you're proud of yourselves. You've driven away another customer! It's baffling, I tell you! Your deep rooted lack of self-control only fosters failure in every endeavor we undertake! I mean, it's always one step forward and two steps back! Why?! Don't you see the example I try to set for you? Take note, as I am a–

Eddy: [interrupting Edd's story] Stupid sockhead, and a babbling dweeb who can't lift a butterfly.

[Edd transforms into these things in the dream, and then it ends as this reality is literally ripped in two like a torn page]

Eddy: I wish I was as good-looking as Eddy.

Jonny: Boy, this story stinks. Plank and I want a real story, with stuff like octopus' gardens, silver hammers, and Mr. Kite!

Eddy: Open a window, Jonny, and get some air.

Ed: And so it went! Little did Ed Edd and Eddy know that–

[Ed's dream begins. Everything but the characters is in black and white, and we are viewing the Kankers' trailer]

Ed: [voiceover]–deep within the intestines of the trailer park, the Kanker Sisters were planning to foil the brave Eds' attempts with over-radiated mashed potatoes. Slowly, one by one, they would devour the tainted spuds!

[The Kankers do this and begin to mutate and their trailer begins to break. Before we can see their new form, the camera fades to the Eds]

Dream Edd: Blah, blah. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah! Yap yap, blah blah, drivel drivel drivel!

[The earth shakes]

Dream Eddy: Hey, what's going on?

Dream Edd: Yap Yap yap?

Dream Rolf: [shaking Edd] Soaked in milk, Ed-boy! Gather your inadequate friends and flee! Flee in the name of blanched rhubarb!

Dream Kevin: [riding by] I'm dorking, man!

[Nazz points at the sky and giggles nervously. Jimmy and Sarah run past]

Dream Jimmy: Oh, my legs. I can't go on, Sarah. [he falls down] Farewell, cruel world! [Sarah tries to pull him]

Dream Sarah: Come on, Jimmy, you can do it! [A giant foot lands near them, crushing Jimmy and sending Sarah flying] NOOOOOOOOO!!

Ed: [shocked] BABY SISTER!

[Lee Kanker laughs maniacally. She stands about fifty feet tall as she stares down at the Eds]

Eddy: Your time has come, Kanker! [He scrambles to avoid being crushed]

[Marie chases them. The Eds head for houses, but each time she uses a magical chicken fused to her armpit to turn the houses into hygiene products. For example, the first house the Eds got to was turned into...]

Ed: Evil soap! [They head for another house, only for it to be changed into...] Deodorant!

[Marie laughs and fires away]

Edd: Blah blah blah!

Eddy: Quick! In here! [He tries to enter a house, but runs into a huge eyeball]

Ed: KANKER! [The house rises to reveal May, the Eds scream and run for their lives as she laughs]

Edd: YAP YAP!

[Lee blows a kiss at the Eds. It impacts in front of them. Three more land all around the Eds)

Edd: [hugs Ed as Eddy uses a garbage lid as a shield] Yap yap yap!

Eddy: Kankers!

[The Kankers mash their heads together, creating a three-eyed, one-headed, three-bodied monster]

Eddy: Ed, your story's getting weird.

[The sisters blow a giant kiss. It knocks the Eds backwards in a heap. When they look up, the Kankers have separated and have surrounded them]

Eddy: I'm a minor, stop!

Edd: Blah blah blah!

Ed: [standing up] Now it's my turn!

[Through some unexplained means, Ed starts flying like a fly. The Kankers chase, brandishing a flyswatter]

Eddy: Kankers!

Edd: Yap!

[The Kankers swat at Ed, but keep missing. A lucky blow eventually catches Ed's rear]

Ed: Ow! [He spirals down to earth buzzing, and the Eds plow up plenty of dirt when they land. They end up less than a yard away from a mouse hole in the side of a house, most likely Jonny's]

Eddy: [dazed] Kankers? [spotting them] Kankers!

Ed: [notices the mouse hole] We have found shelter! [He pushes his friends into the hole. They scream as the Kankers get closer] All right! [Ed wiggles in with his friends. Then Lee's hand grabs the side of the screen, turning it like a page and ending the dream]

Ed:...And stuck in your wall we are. The end.

Edd: Gracious, Ed, what an enchanted world you live in.

Eddy: I got a cramp listening to you. Okay, Jonny, there's your story. Now how's about prying us out of your wall?

[Jonny is fast asleep]

Ed: Ssh! He is sleeping.

Eddy: Way to go, Hemingway! It was your part that put him to sleep.

[The house moans]

Edd: What was that? Did you hear it? [The house creaks again] I don't have a good feeling about this.

Ed: I don't have any feeling at all.

[Part of the wall opposite the Eds crumbles away, and a strange saw pokes out. The saw moves in a circle, and a hole appears. The Kankers peer out]

The Kankers: Hiya, boys!

Lee: What's good-lookin' guys like you doin' in a place like this?

Edd and Eddy: IT'S A NEVER-ENDING STORY!

[The Kankers giggled]

Eddy: Jonny, wake up! Get a crowbar, quick!

[Jonny rolls over. Eddy looks across the way to see the Kankers' hole is empty]

Eddy: Where'd they go?!

Edd: I don't know! I was looking at Jonny!

Ed: My underwear's riding high, guys!

[Three cracks appear in the Eds' wall, heading for the hole. Suddenly, Ed is pulled away]

Ed: Eddy!

Edd: Oh, my. [He disappears]

Eddy: Mommy! [pulled away]

Marie: Come to Mama!

May: Gimme a piece of that!

Eddy: Jonny, help!

Ed: Tickle tickle!

Lee: Hubba hubba.

Edd: No! Stop! Wait!

[The Kankers laugh]

For Your Ed Only [3.2b]

[After falling through the earth]

Jonny: [amazed] Wow, China! [now scared] Just like in the cartoons!

Ed: [gasped] Help me, guys! It's Sarah! We are so doomed! She'll tell Mom and Mom'll tell Dad and he'll say "not now, I just got home from work"! I'm not in my happy place, Eddy!

Edd: Once again, our day ends with the three of us....

Eddy: Stuck together in some nutty way, but wait. We have a guest tonight.

Ed: I like the way Jonny's stuck

Jonny: Boy, Plank, how the heck did we ever end up here? If you weren't so scared of turning into chopsticks, we'd still be in China!

Eddy: Could somebody scrape this guy off my shoe, please?

It Came From Outer Ed [3.3a]

Ed: It has come to dissect our internal organs, and feed them to the minions of Hades!

Jimmy: Jeepers, Sarah. Ed's scaring the Mr. BoJangles out of me.

Eddy: Don't worry, Jimmy. You're in good hands. [He taps Jimmy on the head, pushing Jimmy's trike forward at the monster, causing Sarah to punch him]

Jimmy: [whimpers] Runaway Trike!

Eddy: [Now sporting a black eye from Sarah's punch] Look at that, Ed! Evil Tim is sucking Jimmy in!

[Jimmy hurtles down the lawn, wailing. Ed follows, clutching a ginormous tree]

Ed: CRUSH THE MONSTER!

Edd: [as the monster, but peaks his head out] LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NORTHERN DUTCH ELM! Oh dear. Oh dear. I can't seem to coordinate my...

[Edd tries to move out of the way, but the costume makes rapid movement impossible. Ed smashes the tree down on top of Edd and Jimmy]

Ed: The curse has passed! You are safe! [Jimmy moans inside]

Jonny: Holy moley! [Kevin falls off his head]

Rolf: Rolf is amused.

Nazz: So where's Jimmy, dude? [Sarah realizes the gravity of the situation]

Sarah: JIIMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!

Ed: Jimmy?

Eddy: [tearing up] You gotta love him.

[Ed roots underneath the tree until he finds and pulls out Jimmy]

Ed: SPEAK TO ME JIMMY!

Jimmy: Some things are best left unsaid. [The kids giggle]

Ed: FIRST AID FOR JIMMY!

Kevin: Choice!

[Ed gives Jimmy mouth-to-mouth, blowing in and inflating Jimmy only to have him deflate each time. As he does this, Kevin and Eddy burst into laughter as everyone looks on]

Ed: [when Jimmy is back to normal] ARE YOU WITH US, JIMMY?

Jimmy: Help! [Sarah yanks him away]

Sarah: Stop it!

Jimmy: I got prune lips, Sarah!

Sarah: Ed, you slobber-mouthed baboon! [She carries Jimmy away]

[Edd drops Jimmy's stuffed bunny Mr. Yum-Yum on the 'Q']

Ed: Nice job, Double D. It looks just like a 'Q'.

Edd: Excuse me?! Ed, I think somewhere on the line you've lost your "train of thought!" Your plan is irrational, muddled, and inconsequential! [Ed munches on a dog biscuit] Is that a doggie treat?

Ed: [mouthful] What's the rock for, Double D?

Edd: [drops the rock on his foot] MY FOOT!

Jonny: Let's tickle them till they wet their pants!

Eddy: Well, let's not jump to anything rash!

Ed: Fools! Evil Tim has beckoned you all! For you will all pay with your brains!

Eddy: Brains?! What're we gonna do with brains?!

3 Squares And An Ed [3.3b]

Eddy: How does it feel to be back on outside, Ed!

Ed: [gasped] OUTSIDE ED? But I am grounded, Eddy!

Eddy: What the-?! What happened to the stairs?!

Ed: My parents took them down because I am grounded!

Edd: [calmly] That's disturbing.

Dueling Eds [3.4a]

Eddy: What could be more important than "Master Eddy"?

Ed: COOKIE DOUGH!

Edd: They say in order to gain knowledge, one must seek it.

Eddy: [sarcastically] Oh, boo hoo! I hurt Rolf's stupid fish ball!

Edd: It's not the fish ball, Eddy! You hurt Rolf's feelings!

Eddy: I didn't do anything!

Dim Lit Ed [3.4b]

[Jonny's head is stuck between two branches]

Edd: Jonny, not again!

Jonny: Yep, this happens to me a lot, Double D.

Edd: Didn't you learn from your past mistakes? I mean, it's just common sense.

Jonny: [long pause] I guess not! [giggles]

Kevin: Is this thing supposed to be dead?

Eddy: The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just, uhh... [nudges Edd]

Edd: ...Sleeping like a baby, Kevin. That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny [lays down a quarter]: SOLD!

Edd [stares at the quarter]: I'm surrounded by idiots.

Eddy: Who's complaining?

Will Work for Ed [3.5a]

[The Eds go on strike outside Rolf's house]

Eddy: Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk! Ain't gonna work! Rolf's a jerk-

Jonny: We hate broccoli!

[Short pause]

Eddy: … Ain't gonna work!

Edd: This is so embarrassing...

Kevin: I'm gonna ask Rolf what's up.

[He tries to cross the picket line, but is tackled by Eddy]

Eddy: Hey! You can't cross the picket line!

Kevin: Says who?!

Nazz: Kevin!

Kevin: Nazz?

Nazz: According to the Workers' Rights Act, Subsection E, Paraphrase IV, Eddy is entitled to express formal protest as to wherefore must be totally respected. [Edd, Kevin, and Eddy stare at her, stunned] Babysitters gotta know this stuff. [leaves]

Kevin: … Dorks. [leaves]

Edd: Really, Eddy. Labour disputes like yours and Rolf's require a mediator. A referee, if you will.

Eddy: Go blow your whistle, Mr. Referee! I got a nuisance to make outta myself.

[Rolf shows up with a goat on his shoulders]

Rolf: Tell Rolf the progress of the laborers, Turkey Eyes.

[He points to Edd, who has a clean and tidy work station]

Ed: Well, yeah. Let's see here, boss. This guy I got no problems with.

Edd: Double D waiting for orders, Turkey Eyes, sir.

[Ed points at Eddy, who has a dirty work station and is attempting to take the chicken's temperature]

Ed: But then there's the sad-sack, boss. A real slowpoke, trouble with a capital 'R'.

[Eddy kicks the chicken coop in frustration and a rooster comes out and chases him]

Eddy: Help! I hate chickens!

Ed & Rolf: [in unison] HEY, NINCOMPOOP!

[Both look at each other, surprised]

Rolf: [patting Ed on the head] You've learned well, Turkey Eyes.

[Rolf leaves as Eddy continues being chased by the rooster]

Eddy: Stop the chicken, Ed!

Ed: Nincompoop! I'm deducting your pay 'cause you're a nincompoop! Pretty good, huh, Double D?

Ed, Ed and Away [3.5b]

Kevin: I'll get you, dork! After I find some ointment! Ouch!

Eddy: What's with that? I did everything my dad does! How come he sells stuff? Maybe it's the tie!

Edd: Well it certainly couldn't be the fact we manufactured the biker from HAND-ME-DOWN KITCHENWARE! TEN HOURS OF HARD WORK! AND FOR WHAT?!

Ed: To fleece the masses!

Eddy: Check's in the mail, Ed.

[Eddy is fighting Sarah and Jimmy over the balloon]

Eddy: Gimme that balloon, Sarah!

Sarah: [Mocking Eddy] "Gimme, Gimme" never gets!

X Marks the Ed [3.6a]

Eddy: [high pitched voice] WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HEAD?!

Ed: It is so puny!

Edd: This is worthy of a noble prize!

Eddy: WHAT'D YA DO ME, YOU QUACK?!

Rolf: Quack? I am Rolf.

Eddy: YOU'RE A QUACK! QUACK! QUACK! QUACK!

Rolf: I am not a duck. I am Rolf.

Edd: How did you know what ingredients would react in such a way as to come to this conclusion?

Rolf: What?

Ed: My turn for shrinkage, Rolf!

Eddy: FIX ME!

Edd: Tell me!

Ed: Shrink me!

Rolf: Stay back! [makes a run for it]

Eddy: GET HIM! [chasing Rolf] WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! FIX MY HEAD, YA QUACK!

Ed: He's strong! [laughs as they continue to chase Rolf]

From Here to Ed [3.6b]

Edd: Where did you exhume this from, Ed?

Ed: Brick-a-brack from right under my bed, Double D.

Edd: Ed, Eddy's overzealous attempts to reform this erroneous altercation is destined to fail.

[None of this registers with Ed at all]

Ed: Napkin please.

Edd: I should've known better.

Ed or Tails [3.7a]

[Eddy is attempting to sell his clown scam to Jimmy]

Eddy: Are you un- unconshi... [shows the word to Edd]

Edd: Unconcious, Eddy.

Eddy: Dead from the neck up?

Ed: Could you pull my finger, Rolf?

Rolf: No.

Boys Will Be Eds [3.7b]

Kevin: Man, Nazz looks awesome today...

Jonny: I wanna write Nazz a poem, and I hate writing...

Ed: Double D? My tummy feels all wiggly and crawly inside...

Edd: That's nice, Ed...

Eddy: I feel like the Nazz on the back of my Nazz is standing on Nazz...

Edd: That's nice, Ed...

Edd: There's something bewitching about Nazz today. An unusual enchantment. [unwittingly steps on Ed's face as he walks off] A happening of sorts.

Eddy: She's happening, all right! [follows Edd, also stepping on Ed's face]

Ed: I feel like a doormat. Can it be love?

Edd: Nazz is as graceful as a gazelle leaping through a field of buttercups...

Eddy: Yeah... a ga-whatchamacallit...

Kevin: [in thought] She's so radical!

Eddy: [in thought] She can't keep her eyes off me!

Edd: [in thought] Her hair is so clean... And not fly-away at all!

Ed: [thinking and echoing] Hello? Echo! MY NAME IS ED!

Eddy: Nazz would love a new bike.

Ed: Or a new toilet?!

Gimme Gimme Never Ed [3.8a]

Edd: That's it, Jimmy. Distribute your weight. Balance.

Jimmy: That tickles!

Edd: Yes! And now try standing.

Jimmy: Don't let me fall!

[Jimmy eventually manages to stand up on the wooden board inside Edd's pool]

Jimmy: Hot diggety dog! I'm surfing!

Eddy: Not quite there, mini-kahuna, but if you're brave enough, we at Ed's Surf School will teach you how to flip the lip, hang ten, or shave the barrel, for an additional fee, of course. [He opens a soda] Can you handle it?

Jimmy: I'm stoked! Teach me! Teach me! [He starts to lose balance] AH! Don't let go! Don't let go!

Edd: I wouldn't think of it, Jimmy!

Jonny: Too bad! Plank was just aching to try a new ride! [He laughs] One time Plank went on a roller coaster 119 times in a row. Whew! I chucked biscuits after that, didn't I, buddy? Why, Plank spent his whole allowance that day; a regular Rockefeller.

Eddy: Plank gets an allowance?! Have I got a ride for you!

[He grabs Plank and tosses him in he air]

Jonny: Plank?

Eddy: Nice ride, huh, Plank? That'll be 25 cents!

Jonny: Plank says you throw like a toothpick, Eddy! He won't pay for kiddie rides!

Eddy: Well, you tell that doorstop Eddy's got a ride that will round his corners! And it's cheap, cheap, cheap!

Jonny: Plank says your mouth runs faster than six-month-old cheese, Eddy!

Eddy: I'll take that as a yes!

Edd: I object! My skin is still prune from that surf school fiasco!

Eddy: Ed, who are we to deny Plank the thrill of a lifetime? Let's get to work. [He hands Plank to Ed] Who says money can't buy happiness?

Ed: [to Plank] Hello! My name is Ed!

My Fair Ed [3.8b]

Ed: Broccoli bad for Ed!

[Forcefully brushing Kevin's teeth]

Ed: Up and down! Up and down! Up and down! Up and down!

Kevin: Hey, Double D! Come here! I've got something for ya.

Edd: Have mercy!

Rock-A-Bye Ed [3.9a]

Ed: Please, Mom! Sarah's fibbing! Honest and for truly! I was in my happy place lost in the void of my mind!

Ed: DONT TAKE MY MOUTH! DON'T TAKE MY MOUTH!

Edd: Ed, wouldn't it be fun if we had some company?

Ed: You bet! Do you think they will like peanut butter?

Edd: Oh, I'm sure they will.

O-Ed 11 [3.9b]

Edd: [to Eddy] Not that is out of place in this den of dishevelment, but why is there a vehicle sitting in your brother's bedroom?

Eddy: He keeps his snake in the trunk. [opens the trunk, revealing various junk inside] Huh. The little weasel must have escaped again.

Edd: [terrified] Escaped?! Oh dear! Oh dear! Oh- [runs into a stuffed camel]

Eddy: Hey, watch the camel! I said no touching!

Ed: [walking by in the background, still tied to the chair] Wow, I wish I had a room like this!

[The Eds are hiding under the Kanker's trailer]

Edd: This is becoming extremely dangerous, Eddy!

Eddy: Let's get the stash and get out of here.

Ed: Is that you tickling me, Eddy?

Eddy: There you are! Oh, man, I can see it now! Mansions! Yachts! Friends!

[He opens the suitcase, only to find it full of wishbones]

Edd: Wishbones?

[May slams the case shut and takes it]

Eddy: I'm so confused!

Edd: I think your brother's a whiz at pulling your leg, Eddy!

Lee: Looks like we've adopted some groundhogs, eh, girls?

Marie: Cute chubby-cheeked ones, too!

May: [holding the case] Hey! I forgot where I hid these!

The Luck of the Ed [3.10a]

Ed: I was walking on the sidewalk until I saw a bug. Hello bug. I walked up to this tree and hit my head on this branch. Ow! Sorry, it was this one. Ow! And I gazed at the stars... [Ed gazes at the stars)

Edd: Ed, please don't do that.

Eddy: C'mon, we're wasting time. Where'd you hide the magazines, Ed?

Ed: Here we go; a rubber chicken. [he pulls one out of his jacket, tosses it away, and runs down the street] Hide the box, hide the box I said. [he slips on the chicken] But then I tripped! Hanging on to my pal's box of magazines, for dear life, I fell. [he falls and slides down the street] And slid into a sewer.

Eddy: A SEWER?! [sticks his head into the sewer] My magazines are in the SEWER?!

Edd: Seems appropriate. You realize if your magazines are in that sewer, Eddy, they'd be totally illegible, the text smeared by the damp sludge.

Eddy: It's the pictures I'm worried about!

[Edd has pressed Ed's face between two glass plates]

Eddy: What's with Ed's face?

Edd: [agitated] Will you just let me do this, Eddy?!

[Edd is looking at germs through Ed's face with a microscope]

Edd: Ed, there's a new invention called soap; have you heard of it?

Edd: A moment please, read a magazine or something.

Eddy: Read a magazine? I would if I knew where Ed hid 'em!

Edd: [with withering disdain] Oh. You read those?

Ed… Pass It On… [3.10b]

[Edd puts up a banner on Eddy's garage that reads: "WELCOME HOME, BRO" while Ed holds him up]

Edd: Careful, Ed.

Eddy: The kids'll be eating out of my hands in no time.

Edd: Speak of hands, Eddy, you might wanna break away from condition and actually lend a hand here. [loses balance]

Eddy: No problem, Double D. [Clapping]

[Ed toots a party horn and Edd clings onto the garage. Kevin arrives]

Kevin: What's with the balloons, you dorks getting married... to each other? [laughs]

Eddy: Read the sign, giggles. My brother's coming home today.

Kevin: [his smile dropped] No way!

Ed: [toots the party horn] And it works for him! [Edd slips his hand off the garage and falls]

Kevin: [sweating] So tell me. Those stories bout your brother, are they true?

Eddy: [beamed] Are they true? [yelling out] HEY GUYS! KEV HERE WANTS TO KNOW IF THOSE STORIES ABOUT MY BROTHER ARE TRUE!

Kevin: Ssh!

Eddy: Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll introduce you to him so you can ask him yourself. Should be here pretty soon.

Kevin: Maybe some other time. Gotta blow! [He peels off]

Eddy: [waving goodbye] Is that respect or what?

Ed: A whole box of it!

Edd: That wasn't respect, Eddy! What I witnessed was fear.

Eddy: [misspelling] R-E-S-P-E-E-K. Respect, Double D.

Ed: [walking by with a Pin the Tail on the Donkey board] Who’s up for “Pin the Tail on the Donkey”?

Eddy: [annoyed] Shut up, Ed!

[The Eds are in Eddy's room. Ed and Eddy wear smiles, while Edd knows they haven't much time]

Eddy: [peeking out the window] They're still sitting out there. What sheep!

Edd: Your rumor is a monster feeding on everyone's insecurities! Stop it before it's too late!

Eddy: It's just a little fib, Double D! Kevin would pound the living daylights out of me if I told him my brother ain't showing up!

Ed: [clueless] Did he miss another bus, Eddy? Buses can be so cruel!

Deep Voice: [off-screen] And hard on the caboose, if you know what I mean.

Edd: [scared] Um Eddy, there's someone at your door.

Eddy: [using his friends as a shield] It's probably Kevin. I'm ready for him. [He waves a baseball bat]

[Someone pushes the closet door open, revealing an adult, standing tall. The face is hidden, but the body is big]

Eddy: [sweating] Uh oh. It's my brother!

Ed and Edd: [Ed joyful, Edd scared] Your brother?!

Eddy: [seeing who he thinks is his brother] Hey bro, good to see ya! Back so soon?... [he smiles nervously] HONEST, IT WASN'T ME! THEY'RE ALL LYING, I SWEAR! Can I get you anything, bro, huh? [cracking his voice] Can I?

Eddy's Brother: Get me a triple-scoop banana split sundae with chocolate sauce, marshmallows, lots of nuts.

Eddy: Hey, wait a minute! What happened to that lactose thing you–

Eddy's Brother: See this?! [He holds a fist to Eddy's face]

Edd: [at Eddy's door, beckoning his friends] Hurry! Hurry! I'll get the ice cream!

Eddy: I'll get the chocolate sauce!

Ed: And I'll get the nuts! [He runs through the wall]

Edd: Wait, don't forget the marshmallows! [He follows Ed]

Eddy's Brother: Hurry it up! [He steps out of the closet, revealing it was just Sarah on Jimmy's shoulders]

Sarah: Watch what you're doing, Jimmy!

Jimmy: [afraid] It's these darn stilts! They make me all clumsy, Sarah!

Ed: Hey...[Ed is at the door, peering in on his baby sister and her friend] What flavor ice cream did you want?

Sarah: [clears her throat and puts on the deep voice again] "Chocolate."

Ed: Okey-dokey. Your brother wants chocolate, Eddy! [He runs to the kitchen]

[Sarah and Jimmy look at each other, and Jimmy laughs]

Sarah: [smiles] Brothers are such idiots!

Brother, Can You Spare an Ed? [3.11a]

Ed: Sarah has trusted me with the money, so fudge I must buy it with!

Edd: How can something so bad taste so good?

The Day the Ed Stood Still [3.11b]

Rolf: Please ask Rolf's family and livestock to remember the son of a shepherd. [gets eaten alive]

Edd: What have I done?! I've actually created a monster!

[As Edd tries to convince Eddy to help him free the kids, the Ed monster appears]

Eddy: [completely unaware of the danger he’s in] What? [he takes out a jar to collect fees for freeing the kids and saliva drips into the jar] No skin off my bones. Who’s first?

[Eddy notices that his jar is filled with drool and looks up in horror to see the Ed monster looming over him. He realizes that HE is the Ed monster’s next victim. But before he can be eaten, Edd pulls him out of the way and they both huddle in terror]

Eddy: [now actually afraid of the Ed monster] HE WANTS THE SKIN OFF MY BONES, DOUBLE D!

Eddy: Relax, will ya? I always keep a couple of months worth of supplies for when the heat gets turned up. They'll forget about us in no time. Did you see a can opener?

Ed: [popping out of the can] I AM CAN OPENER MAN!

Eddy: What the-

Edd: Please Ed, calm down!

Ed: No no, wait! [He picks up a box of tissues]

Eddy: Gimme the stupid can opener, Ed!

Ed: I AM TISSUE HEAD!

Edd: We've lost him, Eddy.

Ed: I WILL BLOW YOUR NOSE! [messes up the bed]

Edd and Eddy: ED, STOP!

Ed: No no, wait! [pops from the bed] I AM BED BUDDY! SLEEP ON ME!

Edd and Eddy: ED!

If It Smells Like an Ed [3.12]

Jimmy: [singing) When you stub your toe and it hurts you know…

The Kids: [singing)...Friends are there to help you.

When you trip on your face and your teeth are misplaced, friends are there to help you.

When you're flying low and you're giving a show, friends are there to help you.

When you take off your shoe and your feet stink PEE-YEW, friends are there to help you!

[As the verse closes, a smile spreads across Kevin's face]

Jimmy: Second verse, same as the first! [singing) When you stub your toe and it hurts you know…

The Kids: [singing)...Friends are there to help you.

When you trip on your face and your teeth are misplaced, friends are there to help you.

When you're flying low and you're giving a show, friends are there to help you.

When you take off your shoe and your feet stink PEE-YEW, friends are there to help you!

Don't Rain on My Ed [3.13a]

Jonny: Plank wants to know if he can live on Mars!

Edd: There's a moral in this somewhere.

Ed: Yup, two chickens are better than one!

Eddy: Jonny!

Once Bitten, Twice Ed [3.13b]

Eddy: Approach me, mortal, for I am the great Baron O'Beef-Dip!

Edd: [knocking on Ed's door and entering with Ed's toy rocket sticking out of his ear, only to find Ed eating his mattress] Excuse me, Ed, but is this your... GOOD LORD, MAN!

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