The following is a list of quotes from the first season of Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

The Ed-Touchables [1.1a]

Edd: Four thousand eight hundred and twenty, four thousand eight hundred and twenty-four–ooh, I like what you've done with that tunnel–four thousand eight hundred and thirty-one, four thousand eight hundred and thirty-five, that's everybody. Four thousand eight hundred and–[does some calculations on an abacus]–thirty-seven. [placing a label reading "Ants 4,837" on his ant farm. The doorbell then rings but upon opening it, he finds nobody there and walks away. This happens 2 more times. On the 3rd time he is annoyed when he answers the door] Now please–! [a bucket of water falls on his head. He walks away, but the bell rings again. He answers it more cautiously, but a fish hits him in the face. He walks away, but the bell rings yet again, and this time Eddy is there.]
Eddy: Hey, Double D, what took you so long?
Edd: Oh. Hello, Eddy. So, what're you doing? [remembering the pranks] Hey. Was that you ringing my doorbell?
Eddy: [lying] Who, me? Nah. [stepping inside]
Edd: [opening a door to his room] Wait, Eddy, you know the rules. [holds up a pair of bunny slippers]
Eddy: Aw, come on, Edd, not again. [Edd wiggles the slippers] All right. Sheesh, stupid slippers.
Edd: And I'll dispose of these. [puts the shoes in a box labeled "Shoes"]
Eddy: Okay. The slippers are on nowwWWHOAAA! [Edd has taken a vacuum cleaner hose and is busily cleaning Eddy's nose with it]
Edd: We'll have you clean in no time, Eddy! [his head gets sucked in but is shaken out. Edd is finished with his nose] Almost done. [he vacuums the back of Eddy's shirt]
Eddy: Gee, thanks Edd.
Edd: After you, Eddy.
Eddy: Yeah. After me. [entering the room, he spots Edd's bed. He goes over and jumps on it]
Edd: EDDY! [remaking the bed] Messy messy messy messy messy. Please don't do that, Eddy. [Eddy begins switching labels, switching the "Slipper" label, which he places on the bed, with the "Bed" label] Eddy! Please return those labels to their rightful designations.
Eddy: Alright, alright, don't have a bird. [takes the slipper label off the bed and replaces it with one that says "Toilet"] Are ya done yet? Let's go get Ed!
Edd: Please be patient. I have just one more–[puts down a "Magnifying Glass" label and realizes it's missing]–HHAH! It's gone. [freaking out] Eddddyyyy! Someone took my magnifying glass! I feel so violated!
Eddy: Maybe you misplaced it.
Edd: [shoving Eddy away] Never! What has become of this world? Is nothing sacred? [sweeping the contents of his desk into the trash can] Everything is soiled! Who would do such a thing? Who would violate the sanctity of somebody's room? With their filthy hands! [clutching at Eddy] Oh. Oh Eddy. I feel sick. I feel nauseous. I CAN'T BREATHE! [Eddy goes over, picks up Edd's mattress, and slams it down on him] Thank you, I needed that.
Eddy: Anytime, pal! You know, you can't have somebody touching your stuff. It just isn't right. [no longer concerned] Okay. Race you to Ed's place.
[The Eds are in front of the candy store, slurping jawbreakers]
Eddy: This is good.
Edd: Should we feel guilty about Jonny's predicament?
Eddy: Nah. You know what they say: A little childhood trauma builds character.
[Jonny in his tire runs into them, knocking the jawbreakers out of their mouths as the Eds chase the jawbreakers]

Nagged to Ed [1.1b]

[The scene opens in a garage. An insect is crawling across what appears to be a workshop desk]
Edd: [picking it up with a pair of tongs] Not so fast, little fella! [carefully places the insect in a jar]
Ed: I saw this thing in a movie. "I Married a Thorax!"
Edd: [looking over his insect collection] Ants, check. Millipedes, check. Moths–
Eddy: Yep. It's a bug.
Edd: [holding up an empty jar] Well, Eddy, the time has arrived for my monthly insect expedition! [handing him supplies] A pair of galoshes and sterile gloves to avoid bacteria and germs.
Eddy: Insects bug me.
Edd: [holding out a shovel and some gloves] Ed, for you.
Eddy: [intentionally misusing the equipment] Okay. Ready.
Ed: [wearing a glove on his head] Set. [blows the glove up until it shoots off his head]
Edd: Go! Let us proceed to the forest! [leads the way]
Eddy: Follow Nature Boy.
[The Eds are in the forest]
Edd: Isn't it magnificent? All the splendors of nature, displayed in one giant petri dish full of life! [as he speaks, the atmosphere of the forest changes, becoming darker and scarier]
Ed: I think I swallowed a bug.
Eddy: [hearing a noise] Huh? What was that? [the camera zooms out to show that there's nothing there] That's it! This nature stuff is for the birds. [stomps off and disappears around a corner] WHOAOOO!
Ed and Edd: Eddy?
[They go after Eddy and find him staring at an enormous spiderweb]
Ed: [entranced] Whoa, way big.
Edd: It's a masterpiece of nature!
Eddy: Looks like my grandmother's hairnet. Well, let's go guys. ED! [Ed is in the center of the web, bouncing on it] Get down, you maniac!
Ed: Yee-haw, it's sticky!
Edd: You're disturbing the eco-environment!
[They hear a giggling noise]
Ed: What was that?
Edd: Now you've done it. Ed, I suggest...[gulps, and Eddy starts shivering]
Spooky Chanters: [off-screen] Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
Eddy: Ed! Get off that thing!
[Spooky laughter is heard]
Ed: Huh? [tries to get down] Help me, guys! I don't want the fluids drained from my body!
Eddy: Hold on, Ed! We'll rescue ya!
[Edd and Eddy try to pull Ed loose]
Spooky Chanters: [off-screen] Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. [Ed is pulled loose. The laughter is heard again, and the Eds run through the forest. They suddenly run into three pairs of eyes] Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. [the Eds run away] K-I-S-S-I-N-G. [the Eds run into the eyes again] Ed, Edd 'n Eddy. Sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N–G. [the Eds run again]
Edd: [spotting an exit] A way out. Through the trees!
[The Eds follow it and plunge headfirst into swampy muck]
Eddy: Help! Quicksand!
Ed: I am blind!
Edd: My eyes!
[The Eds see something that makes them clam up. The spooky laughter is heard again, and three figures step in front of the camera. The Eds screamed, but no sound was heard, as the screen changes colors, and everything went in a white flash]

[We are now in a trailer park. The camera circles around and centers in on a blue trailer. Inside, the Eds are lying on the floor, wearing robes.]

[Three Girls holding their arms folded demurely,There is a Blonde Yellow Haired Bucktoothed Girl in a gray T-shirt,red shorts,yellow socks and red shoes,A Orange Haired Girl in a White Tank Top with Red Polka-Dots,Golden Earrings,A Pink Belt along with Blue Jeans and Purple Shoes,and a Blue-Haired Girl in a Black Tank Top,A Pink Belt,Green Non-Camouflaged BDU Pants,A Dark Green Wristband on her left arm and Black Shoes are Smiling at them.]


Lee: "Hey Eds, so happy you dropped in!"
Marie: "Hope you like our dads' robes!

[The Eds sit up with a start. Edd is wearing a blue robe that says "Bubba," Ed is wearing a purple robe that says "Rod," and Eddy has on a yellow robe reading "Butch."]

Eddy: "How did we get into these?"

[The Kanker Sisters lean in and attempt to kiss them. The Eds flee to the wall, and the Kankers giggle.]

Edd: [in an undertone] "This is not good."


Lee: [as she and her sisters flop down around the Eds] "Go ahead. Yell. No one will hear you."
May: "I'm May Kanker."
Marie: "I'm Marie Kanker."
Lee: "And I'm Lee Kanker. We're the Kanker sisters. We just moved in."
Eddy: "I'm Eddy."
Ed: "I'm Ed."
Edd: "I'm–"

Marie: "We know. Double D. Don't you worry about that."

Eddy: "Uh, do you girls know where our clothes are?"

Lee: "Oh they're drying outside. You boys sure were dirty." [Eddy jerks up, confused.] "We're gonna pop into the kitchen for a bit, boys, and fix up some home cookin' for ya."

Marie: "We'll be right back."

May: [leading the pack] "Hey! Wait for me!" [The Kanker sisters exit.]

Edd: [nervous] "This is very strange. Let's go!"

Eddy: [dragging him back] "Hold it, Double D. Where's your manners? They're new here. And they said they were gonna make us some food, didn't they? So why don't we just hang out a bit, eat for free, and then we can split. C'mon, let's check this place out!"

Edd: [still not satisfied] "Where exactly are we?"

[Eddy stares out the window at the trailer park.]

Eddy: "Huh. Looks like a postcard I sent my brother once."

Ed: "Ah, TV!" [He turns it on and gets only static. He pounds it a few times, but still receives nothing. He pounds it again, and then tries turning the knob. Even after this, he still gets nothing.] "Ah, it's a rerun." [He turns the TV off and picks up a diving helmet.] "Nice space helmet." [He puts it on and sits on the couch.] "Take me to your plumber."

Eddy: "Nice head, Ed. Get it? It rhymes. Head? Ed? I crack me up."

Edd: [looking at the bookcase] "Interesting. Hub Cap Digest." [He picks it up and flips through it. All the pages are blank.] "This book has no print. These pages are blank!" Eddy: [pointing at something] "Ha ha look! Artwork!" [He laughs.] "It's Ed and May! How cute!" [His gaze then falls on one of Edd and Marie.]

Edd': "Is that me?"

Eddy: [seeing a drawing of Eddy and Lee getting married] "What the–AAAAH! That's not funny!" [He tears it off the wall and crumples it up.]

Marie: [entering with a tray on which are cups of milk] "Okay, boys! Come and get some nice cold delicious powdered milk!"

[The Eds rush over and drink from the glasses. After each sip, they exhale white powder into the air.]

Marie: [putting a videotape in the VCR] "How about a video? Fish Bowl 2. A classic."

[The Eds sigh and sink into the couch, contented.]

Marie: [back in the kitchen with her sisters] "It's so nice to have the boys home."

May: "Hey, I'm doing the fish sticks!" [She snatches the box from Marie.]

Marie: "Then give me the squeeze-it-clob!" Lee: "Girls, shut up! We got lunch to make?" [She grabs a stick of lard.] "The way to a man's heart is through his arteries." [She dumps the entire stick on top of the burgers.] "Add a little Kanker secret sauce...Ketchup!" [She drowns the food in the condiment.]

[The food is being brought in to the Eds.]

The Kankers: "Dinner's ready."

[The scent is so tantalizing that the Eds levitate towards the grub. They take it back to the couch and dig in.]

The Kankers: [sighing] "They're so dreamy."

May: [going upstairs with her sisters] "Be back in a minute, boys!"

Lee: "Yeah. We're gonna go and freshen up!"

[The Eds continue to eat. Eddy stops after a bite and pulls out a cog wheel. He throws it behind the couch and continues his meal.]

[The Kankers come downstairs, now wearing prettier clothes.]

The Kankers: "We're back."

Marie: "Notice anything new, Eddy?" [When he doesn't respond, she waves a hand in front of his eyes. Eddy doesn't notice.]

Lee: "The finest in processed products! Only the best for you." [Eddy pays no attention to her statement.]

Eddy: "Hey, how about a refill on that powdered milk stuff?"

May: "Do you like our Kanker Burger, Big Ed?"

Ed: [talking with his mouth full] "It's good, yum!"

May: "Don't talk with your mouth full mister!"

[Marie puts a pillow behind Edd. Edd starts.]

Marie: "AAH!"

Edd: "Please refrain from touching me when I'm eating. Thank you."

Marie: [poking him] "I'll touch you whenever I want, buddy boy!"

Edd: "Is there a problem?"

The Kankers: "Everything's fine!"

[The Eds are watching Fish Bowl 2 when the Kankers move to stand in front of the TV.]

Eddy: [annoyed] "Hey move it! Out of the way! This is the best part!"

Lee: "Move it?"

Marie: [getting in Eddy's face] "It's not good enough that we've worked hard and broken our backs for you?"

Lee: [in Ed's face] "If things don't change around here, we're leaving!"

May: [in Edd's face] "It's time you good-for-nothings started to pull our own weight around here!"

Ed: [to Eddy] "What is up with them?" [They both look to Edd, who shrugs.]

Marie: [pointing to the food remnants] "Clean this mess up right now!" [The Eds rush to take care of it, but before they can start Lee calls them.]

Lee: "Hey! Over here! Clean this mess!" [The Eds are in front of a sink full of dishes.]

[Ed comes up with an idea. He lifts the couch, and the Eds slide the mess under it.]

Lee: "You call that clean?" [she throws some clothes at Eddy] "Get washing!"

Marie: [handing Edd a brush] "And scrubbing!"

Lee: [grabbing Edd by the ear] "Come along, little man."

Marie: "Time to clean up!" [She grabs Eddy by the hair. Ed laughs at his friends' misfortune until May hands him a toilet brush.]

May: "And you!" [Ed heads off to clean.]

[There are noises coming from a toilet. The lid lifts slightly and Ed peeps out.]

May: "Make it shine!" [She slams the lid back down.]

[Edd is in front of a sink, washing dishes. Ed suddenly appears and wrecks the stack.]

Edd: "Ed, you ruined my dishes."

Ed: [laughing, he passes Eddy] "Headed outside, Eddy!"

Eddy: "Slacker." [While looking at Ed, he collides with Edd. Their piles, of laundry and dishes, respectively, fly all over the place.]

Lee: [painting her toenails] "That better be fighting over me I hear in there!"

[Ed is washing the windows. In the kitchen, Edd is getting up.]

Edd: "I'm going to sanitize the living area."

Eddy: [close to the edge] "Okay. I'll clean this. I'll clean EVERYTHING!" [He throws the laundry in the sink, which is filled with soapy water, and stomps on it.]

[Edd is cleaning the living room floor.] The Kankers: "Better shine it up nice!"

[Ed enters from the outside, mud on his shoes.]

The Kankers: "Hey! Mud tracker! You're tracking mud!"

Edd: "Mud?"

[Ed looks down. Through the film of his helmet, he can clearly see the mud.]

Ed: "Uh-oh." [He exacerbates the problem by walking forward and tracking more mud. He then steps in Edd's bucket of water, which gives him momentum, sending him uncontrollably towards the kitchen.]

May: "You better not wreck Daddy's bucket!"

[Ed heads into the kitchen and collides with Eddy, who is holding laundry. Eddy passes the laundry to him.]

Eddy: "Hang these outside!" [He pushes Ed in the opposite direction.]

Ed: "Uh. Okay. EDDY!" [He collides with Edd, who is scrubbing the floor again. They both topple over. Lee comes over and lectures Ed, but all that is heard is a faint mumbling.]

Lee: "...you should go back to diving for clams."

Eddy: [fed up] "THAT'S ENOUGH!" [The Kankers begin to snivel.] Okay?

Marie: "T-this is the th-thanks we get for our hard work?"

[The Kankers run into their room crying.]

Eddy: "Uh-oh."

[The Kankers are sitting on the bed in their room.]

May: [sniffling] "Us girls have got to get ourselves together." [The doorknob turns and the Eds peek in.] "Haven't you done enough damage already? Now get out of here! And never come back!" [She slams the door in their faces.]

Eddy: [satisfied] "Well, you heard her. Let's go!"

Edd: "This has been quite educational."

Eddy: "Hello, freedom."

[Eddy opens the door only to come face to face with the Kankers.]

Eddy: "AAAAH!"

May: "Just a minute there. What about Eddy Jr.?" [She pulls a string on a doll of Eddy, and Eddy's laugh plays.] Lee: [with a doll of Ed] "And Ed Jr.!"

May: [as Marie pulls out an Edd doll] "Don't forget Double D Jr.!"

The Eds: "AAAH!"

Eddy: "That's it! RUN FOR IT!" [The Eds run away screaming, still wearing the robes.]

Lee: "That's it, run you cowards!"

May: "Get lost!"

Marie: "And don't trip on your shoelaces!"

May: [happily watching them] "Look at them run."

Marie: [dreamily] "Just like a real man."

Lee: [blowing a kiss] "I think I'm in L-U-V love!"

[The Kankers sigh, and then laugh evilly.]

Pop Goes the Ed [1.2a]

[Mr.Eddy is staring through binoculars at a beehive]
Eddy: Okay, boys, it's time for the welcome wagon to pay a visit.
[The Eds are all wearing uniforms that read "Ed's Hive Bee Gone". Eddy creeps up on the nest, carrying a baseball bat. His friends follow, also carrying bats. As we watch, Eddy backs off, letting his friends do the dirty work]
Edd: [drawing his bat back] Careful, Ed.
Ed: [readying himself as well] Knock knock!
[Mr.Ed and Mr.Edd proceed to destroy the nest]
Eddy: [looking at the wreckage] AAAAHHH! [runs away]
Ed and Edd: [following him, screaming] WHOOOAOOAOOOOAAA!
[The bees chase the trio down the hill. Eddy reaches his house. He steps inside and closes the door, holding it shut. Ed and Edd reach it too late, and Eddy strands them outside]
Eddy: [opening the door after the ruckus subsides] Hmm?
[We see both Ed and Edd, whose faces are swollen with bee stings]
Ed: Um, Eddy? Can we do something else?
[The sun is beating down]
Eddy: [sweating profusely] What's with this heat? [pleadingly] Shade. I need shade. [spots some] There!
[The Eds all dive into the shade provided by a tree]
The Eds: [relaxed] Shade.
[The shade recedes, coming closer and closer to the base of the tree]
Edd: [getting his arms burned] Sun!
[They stand against the tree as the shade recedes toward them]
Eddy: [worried] Oh , This can't be good. We need to find some more shade fast!
[The Eds head from spot to spot. Each time they move, the shade disappears]
Ed: [having an idea] Hey! I know where we can cool off.
Eddy: And I'm desperate enough to believe you.
[They run off, each step resembling a blazing inferno]
...
Sarah: [dragging a chair across the kitchen] Ice. I need ice. [stands on the chair and opens the freezer. A big block of ice falls out. The Eds are frozen inside. She kicks them out through the wall to the middle of the street, where the ice melts]
[Eddy is clawing at sand.]
Eddy: [drooling sand] W-w-w-w-water! [He collapses.]
Edd: [crawling] "H₂O, please."
Ed: "Gravy."
Eddy: "I'm frying!" [The Eds lie in the sand, defeated.] "The fat lady just sang, boys."
Ed: "My life is flashing before my eyes."
Eddy: "What life?"
Kevin: [looking at them] "What are you guys doing?"
The Eds: "What?" [They suddenly stand up, completely recovered.] "Uh...nothing."
Kevin: "Dorks!" [He speeds off.]
Ed: "Dorks?"
Eddy: "Kevin, wait! Where ya going?"
Kevin: "To Nazz's sprinkler party, stupid!"
Eddy: "Sprinkler party?" [He grins.]
Kevin: [offscreen] "You're not invited!"
Eddy: "Sprinkler party! Hear that, boys? A chance to cool off and score some social points, too! Hmm. We have so much preparation to do. We'll start by..." [He huddles with the other two Eds, outlining plans.]
Eddy: [entering his room with his friends in tow] "It's time to put the plan into action." [Ed bumps into Edd.] "Relax, guys, don't do anything I wouldn't, make yourselves at home."

[Ed wriggles under the covers and crawls out with a magazine. He begins reading. Edd, meanwhile, surveys the room and decides to stand.]

Eddy: "Hey, Double D, sit anywhere, you know."
Edd: "I'll stand as per usual, Eddy; thank you."
Eddy: [pulling out a key] "Oh, yeah." [going to a wardrobe] "Now for the secret of schmoozing; the rapture of rap; the snap, crackle, pop of cool." [The doors of the wardrobe open into many other drawers, finally revealing a dresser with locked doors.] "Hire a secretary, boys." [He inserts the key into one of the locks.] "Bingo. Now this–no peeking–this will be a day you'll never forget." [He pulls out a box.] "Pinch yourself, boys, swimsuits of the gods." [The box is opened to reveal three very small swimsuits.] "Well, okay, they're my brother's."
Edd: "My word. They look like napkins!"
Ed: "Cool box, Eddy.

[Eddy puts a record on, and "Green Onions" begins to play. He changes into his swimsuit. He then grabs some hair gel and works it into his hair. Eddy adds lotion to his arms, and he finishes off by drawing five hairs on his chest with a pencil. The look is completed by the addition of a pair of sunglasses. He jumps into the middle of the room, slips, and falls. The record stops playing. Edd and Ed are then seen. Their swimsuits are likewise too tight. Ed is wearing shoes, and Edd is wearing a shirt along with his suit.]

Edd: "Um, perhaps they're a tad too confining."
Eddy: "No way, Jose! We're cooking! People used to try to be cool. But now it's hot. WE'RE hot."
Edd: "Do you feel hot?"
Ed: "Nah. I'm half baked."
Eddy: [placing towels around his friends' shoulders] "Okay, so we look good, we feel good, so, off to the party! [He whips his friends with his towel, sending them out before following.] We're gonna be hip, we're gonna be hot, we're gonna make the scene!"
[The Eds look over the fence. All the kids are at the party, having fun.]
Eddy: "Wow. Everyone's here!"
Ed: "Looks like fun!" [He tries to climb the fence.]
Eddy: "Hold on, Mr. Happy!" [He pulls Ed back.] "The entrance to a party is everything. Lesson Number One:..." [They huddle.]

[The Eds enter, screaming all the way. Eddy, in a show of over-the-top bravado, dives for the kiddie pool where the Boy is situated. he screams, but Eddy overshoots the pool and slides on the grass. His friends land on top of him. It would be a nice stunt if they didn't run into a table and end up collapsed in a heap.]

Sarah: [annoyed] "Oh, great!"
Kevin: "What are you guys doing here?"
Eddy: [wearing his towel like a cape] "Isn't it obvious?"
Sarah: "Who invited them?"
Eddy: "Aah! My pencil chest hairs!"
Kevin: "Hey, check out the–" [Eddy grabs the waistband of Mr.Kevin's trunks and wedgies him.]

[ A Cool Girl with Yellow Hair approaching them as they're about to come to blows]

Nazz:"Now boys, relax. Have fun. It's a party."

[Kevin and Eddy simultaneously melt. Nazz laughs it off.]

Sarah: [to Ed, who is sitting on the sprinkler] "Get your big butt off the sprinkler!" [Ed shifts just enough to send a spray of water into Sarah's face.] "Ooh, you–

[A large spread of various foods is seen on a table. A Boy with Blue Hair is salivating over a pig's head.]

Jimmy: "Um, what is that?"
Rolf: "Stuffed pig's head. A favorite of my country."
Jimmy: "Well, I brought a quiche!" [He shows it off to Jimmy] "Mmm. Yummy."
Rolf: [frightened] "It is the food of the–" [He waggles his lips with his finger and runs off.] "THE PARTY IS CURSED!"
Sarah: [to a crying Jimmy] "Don't worry, Jimmy. I like quiche!"
Edd: "Hey, Eddy, catch!" [He and Ed throw burgers at Eddy, all of which he catches and eats. As a finale, Ed throws the pig's head into Eddy's mouth. He then throws Edd at him. Edd hits Eddy in the stomach, causing the pig's head to pop out. The head hits the table and bounces, finally ending up in Mr.Jimmy's quiche.]
Eddy: "Enough goofing around. If you wanna get noticed, you gotta mingle. Schmooz." [He pushes them to the table.]
Sarah: "Look at this mess."
Ed: "Hey, have you guys seen "Attack of the Zombie Brain-Munchers?""
Edd: "The operation I saw involved fascinating new brain extraction techniques."
Ed: "By hideous mutants with huge drooling mouths."
Edd: "So precautions had to be taken to avoid contamination."
Ed: "From popping eyeballs and swelling brains!"
Edd: [using the pig head for reference] "The incision was made here to relieve tremendous pressure."
Ed: "But it was too late, his head exploded!"
Edd: "With the slicing and cleaving, the gnashing and the severing–"
Ed and Edd: "Bloody! Gory!"

[Jimmy faints while Ed and Edd continue to demonstrate what happened in their respective shows. Eddy slaps his forehead.]

Eddy: "Guys? GUYS!" [He bangs his friends' heads together.] "Stop talking shop. I said... mingle."
[The kids are dancing to music.]
Eddy: "Look, music! Great! This is perfect. Let's mambo!" [He pulls them off.]
[The Eds join in. They start to get into the groove when suddenly the music stops and the kids head for the table to eat.]
Eddy: [plotting] "Okay, boys. Time for us to pull off a big one."
[They huddle and scheme. As soon as the plan is set, Ed and Edd head behind the sprinkler. Eddy, meanwhile, climbs a ladder leaning against the fence. When he gets to the top, he pulls out a megaphone.]
Eddy: "LADIES AND NON-LADIES! WE, THE EDS, ARE ABOUT TO ATTEMPT THE MOST DARING FEAT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN! THE DOUBLE-GANGLE, HALF-TWIST, HOLD THE ONION, CHANGE FOR A BUCK SPRINKLER LEAP!"
[Eddy prepares to dive. He leaps into the air and does a series of tricks before he hits the ground. He then leaps up and starts running at his friends. He runs steadily until, just before he hits the sprinkler, he leaps high into the air. Ed and Edd scramble madly, trying to figure out where he'll come down. They catch Eddy in their arms, slightly unsteady. The trio manage to steady themselves and cheer; however, at this exact moment, their swimsuits refuse to hold them anymore and burst. One flies onto Plank's head, one flies into Kevin's hot dog bun (replacing his hot dog), and one lands in the punch bowl. Jimmy grabs it in the ladle and drinks it down with the rest of the punch. The music then starts again. The Eds just stand there shocked, hands over their privates. Nobody notices; in fact, it seems as though everyone at the party was doing their best NOT to notice the Eds.]
Eddy: [seeing the kiddie pool] "Quick! Into that pool!"
[The Eds hotfoot it to the pool and dive in.]
Edd: [worried] "What are we gonna do now?"
Eddy: "Someone's coming, act natural." [The Eds pretend they're playing.]
Sarah: "Quit hogging the pool. It's our turn."
Eddy: "No, it isn't."
Sarah: [furious] "Yes, it is!"
Ed: "We are not moving."
Sarah: "ED! GET OUT!"
Eddy: "Hit the road." [He splashes water on Jimmy and Sarah.] "Put an egg in your shoe and beat it."
Jimmy: [grabbing Sarah] "C'mon, Sarah, let's leave these guys alone."
Edd: [breathing a sigh of relief as Ed laughs] "That was close."
Nazz: "Hi, Ed, Edd n Eddy. You boys look cool. Mind if I join you?"
Eddy: [working up the courage to ask her to leave them alone] "Uh, Ed's got three nipples like that bad guy in James Bond."
Nazz: [laughing and walking away] "You're funny."
Ed: [searching himself] "What third nipple? Show me where it is."
Eddy: "It's right here." [He grabs Ed's right nipple and squeezes.]
Edd: "Look!" [The Boy is carrying a giant cake to the table. Ed stands up and starts to walk towards the kids until Eddy stops him.]
Eddy: "Get down! Are you nuts?"

[The kids eat the cake, happily, while the Eds sit in the pool despairingly. Edd pulls out his hands and looks at them; they have swelled up.]

Edd: "GAH! I believe our bodies are soaking up all the water in the pool."
Eddy: [irritated] "Shut up."

[The kids are sitting around a campfire. The Eds are in the pool a few feet away, frozen.]

Ed: "F-f-f-fire g-g-g-good–w-w-w-warm..."
Eddy: "Sh-sh-sh-shut up."

[The kids are inside, sleeping in sleeping bags in the living room. The Eds are still outside. By now their bodies have absorbed so much water that their bodies are crushed against each other.]

Edd: "I th-th-think the c-c-coast is clear now-w-w, Eddy."
Eddy: "T-t-then let's-s get out-t-t of h-h-here." [turning to Ed] "Ed? Ed? C-c'mon, Ed."
Ed: "F-f-fire g-g-good-d-d."
Eddy: "L-l-let's go. One...two..."

[They lift the pool. It comes up around their waists, cramming them against each other even tighter even as the bottom breaks.]

Eddy: "This is not good."

[The Eds make a break for it. They don't see the discarded pig's head, however. They slip on the pig head and fly into a tree. They poke their heads out. Ed's head has a beehive on it.]

Edd and Eddy: "AAAHH!" [Ed takes off the hive.] "RUN!"

[The Eds run, the pool still around them. They cry in pain, the pool wedged around them, as they run home, bees stinging all the way.]

Over Your Ed [1.2b]

[Edd is in his pristine bathroom, taking a bath. He reaches up to get a loofah and vigorously scrubs at his arm. He then looks closely at it and is horrified by the small speck of dirt he sees.]

Edd: "Oh dear...STUBBORN GRASS STAINS!"

[Eddy is in his shower.]

Eddy: [singing] "Bop bop bop bow bow boo bowp, bowp bowp ba beep bap boo!" [He picks up a bar of soap.] "Yeah! Wow!" [The soap slips out of his hands and goes skyward.] "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

[The soap falls into his mouth and slides down his throat. He shortly thereafter begins foaming at the mouth.]

[We are in Ed's very dirty, dingy, grody, disgusting bathroom. Ed stands in the middle of it.]

Ed: "Hmm. Now what did I come in here for?" [He shrugs and walks off.]

[Edd is carrying sugar and a jug to a stand, which collapses as he approaches.]

Edd: "May I help?"

Eddy: "Stand back, let the pro do it." [he fixes the stand] "Time to quench thirst! For cash." [He leans on the stand, and it collapses.]


Edd: [measuring sugar] One, two three grains of sugar.
[We see that Eddy has nailed the leg to the table]
Ed: [darting up] Am I late?
Eddy: Just in time, Ed! [reaches under the table and gets a sign] Put this sign up! [the sign reads "En-O-Gee Drinks]
Ed: Like this?
Eddy: No! Higher! [as he helps Ed adjust the sign, his arm is in Ed's armpit. He sniffs it, and the stench makes him leap back a few feet] Ed! You smell like a gym bag! When was the last time you had a bath?
Ed: I forget.
[Eddy comes over to Edd, who is still measuring the first spoonful]
Eddy: So Double D, those drinks ready? [slaps Edd on the back, causing Edd to spill his spoonful]
Edd: Eddy, please! I'm counting the sugar! [adding some sugar and goes back to counting while Eddy walks off. Eddy comes back with a bag full of sugar and pours it all in while Edd's not looking] 1...2...4...5...6...75...76...77. A perfect measurement! [adding it in and stirs]
Ed: Can I help? [Edd gets a whiff but doesn't say anything. He picks up the sugar jar] Add some of this! [tries to pour it in, but Edd protects the drink, so it all gets spilled on Edd's hat]
Edd: Please, Ed, that's too much sugar. [Ed puts the sugar bowl down. Edd sniffs it and is shocked by the odor. He then sniffs the drink and looks accusingly at Ed] Go away please, I'll taste it.
Ed: Okay.
Edd: [after Ed leaves] Smelly smelly smelly. [pulls out a gas mask and some air freshener]

Ed is standing next to Eddy, who is pinching his nose shut.]

Eddy: [to Edd, who is pouring drinks] "Hurry it up, Double D."

[Edd pours a last cupful and takes a sip. The sugar hits him almost immediately, and he takes off like a rocket into the sky.]

Ed: "Whoa, look at him go, Eddy!" [He points at Edd. This action requires him to lift his arm, and Eddy gets a full-on blast of his armpit stench.]
Edd: [landing, hyper] "Great beverage!"
Eddy: "Huh?"
Edd: "Customers, Eddy."
Ed: "Can I be the sales Ed?"
Eddy: "No way! You'll screw it up."
Edd: "Eddy, it can't hurt!"
Eddy: [grumpily, putting words in Ed's mouth] "Ladies and gentlemen."
Ed: [yelling] "Ladies and gentlemen!"
Eddy: "Come buy a delicious."
Ed: "Come buy a deciduous!"
Eddy: "En-O-Gee drink."
Ed: "Hello!"

[Kevin and Nazz walk up.]

Ed: [to them] "I'm the sales Ed."
Kevin: "En-O-Gee drinks?"
Ed: "Here, try some!" [He picks up the jug and puts it through one of the sign's poles.] "Oops! I got it."
Eddy: "Ed!" [Ed, trying to fix it, puts a foot through the stand's desk.] "Ed!" [The stand falls over as Nazz laughs. Ed then grabs the jug in his teeth and tries to fix the stand. He only manages to break it further, and finishes up by spilling all of the drinks.]
Nazz: [still laughing] "I think l'll pass."
Kevin: "Real smooth, dork." [they both walk away]
Eddy: [superbly angry] "ED! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?"
Ed: "Drink, mister?"
Eddy: [clutching his forehead] "What are we going to do with you?"
Edd: [still hyper] "How about a complete image makeover?"
Eddy: [considering it] "Yeah. Under my supervision, you will become the definition of cool!" [He sniffs the air.] "Follow me, stinky."
[Ed is sitting in a wagon, naked]
Ed: Is sitting naked in a wagon cool?
Eddy: No, skunk-pits, it isn't.
[The camera zooms out to show an intricate series of ropes and pulleys designed to wash Ed]
Edd: [still hyper, examining the stages] Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Everything's ready!
[Eddy hits the wagon with a baseball bat, sending Ed to the first stage. Soapy brushes proceed to cover him in soap bubbles. Edd then pushes Ed to the next stage, where a bucket of water is dumped on him]
Ed: AAH! COLD!
Eddy: [pulling off his mask] Is it safe?
Edd: [pulling his off as well] Yes!
Eddy: Sweet!
Edd: [after combing his hair] Voila!
Ed: Wow! Am I cool now?
Eddy: No, you're naked. We gotta get you some new threads.

[Eddy flips on a light in his bedroom. We are seeing his bedroom through a door. Eddy then flips on the light in the room we're in.]

Eddy: "Welcome to my closet of dreams!" [The room is revealed as a gigantic closet.] "Double D, measure him up."
Edd: [still hyper] "Hold still please. Uh-huh. 154. 75."
Eddy: [examining a shirt] "Hmm. Too old."
Edd: [measuring Ed's head] "One six."
Eddy: "Hmm. Not bad."
Edd: "Sixty-five."
Eddy: "This'll do." [He heads towards them carrying clothes in his arms.]
Edd: [wrapped up in measuring tape] "Um, help!"
Eddy: "Okay, gruesome, try these!" [He throws the clothes at Ed.]
Edd: [under Eddy's bed] "Woo-hoo!"
Eddy: [impatient] "C'mon, Ed, let's see already!"

[Ed steps out, dressed in the clothes Eddy chose.]

Eddy: "Hey, not bad!" [Ed smiles, and suddenly looks somewhat cool.]

[The Eds are outside.]

Eddy: "Next, some cool moves." [he poses] "Jing!"
Ed: "Yeah, that's a good one!"
Eddy: "Try it!"
Ed: [imitating him] "Ha."
Eddy: "Not bad. Try this." [He does a flip into a knee slide.] "Cool."
Ed: [pulling the same move but landing on Eddy] "Cool!"
Eddy: [slipping out from under him] "Good work!" [He poses again.] "That's it." [He pulls another pose. Copying it, Ed bashes him on the head.] "Ow OW!"
Ed: [clutching his head to copy him] "AAAHH!"
Edd: [hyper, reappearing with a clipboard] "Bravo, Ed! I've compiled a list of supercool phrases–Oooh! That's a good one!" [He scribbles something down.] "–that you can use in any–Oh! I'm brilliant!" [He writes another note.] "–situation." [He hands Ed the sheet of paper.]
Eddy: "So far so good! You're ready for a test drive."

[The Eds are in the lane.]

Eddy: "Just stick to what we showed you, and you'll be cool."
Ed: "Yep. I mean–" [he checks Edd's notes] "I'm hip, baby."
Eddy: "Make me proud, big guy!"
Edd: "Someone's coming!" [Jimmy can be heard approaching. Edd and Eddy hide in some trashcans.]
Jimmy: [to Ed, who is leaning against the fence whistling] "Hello, mister!"
Ed: "Swiggity swag, what's in the bag?"
Jimmy: [scared] "ED! Is-is Eddy here?"
Ed: [after glancing at his notes] "Just me, myself and I, or I don't fly!"
Jimmy: [giggling] "Come play with us, Ed!"
Ed: "Sounds like a plan, little man!"
Eddy: [peeking out] "Whoa! It worked!"
Edd: "Something actually worked!"
Eddy: "Let's check it out." [They run off to check it out.]

[The kids are gathered further down the lane.]

Jimmy: [coming up to them] "Hey, guys! Recognize this big lug?" [He points to Ed.]
The Kids: "Huh?"
Jimmy: "It's Ed!"
The Kids: "Hey!"
Ed: "Peek-a-baloo, I see all, too."
Rolf: [feeling his jacket] "Ed, you look so suave."
Nazz: "I like your hair, Ed."
Ed: "Don't smell it, just gel it."
Kevin: [cynical] "Just what are you up to?"
Ed: "5'9", give or take." [He plays with his earlobe. The kids all laugh. Kevin, sensing he's the odd man out, smiles and goes with the flow.]
Nazz: [leading him away] "C'mon, Ed, I'd love to hear more of those witty Ed-isms."
Rolf: [coming along] "Ya, tell me some too, Ed."
Sarah: "C'mon, Ed!"
Jimmy: [in their wake] "Tell me some too, Ed!"
Kevin: "Hang with us, Ed."
Eddy: [observing] "Wow, did you see that? They can't get enough of him!" [scheming] "Perfect."

[A sign, planted in a yard, reads "Meet Ed the Great! 25¢". Jonny walks by with Plank, humming a tune. They enter a shed. Eddy is just inside the door, shaking a jar full of coins.]

Jonny: "Hey Eddy are we late for the Ed show?"
Eddy: "Not if you pay 25 cents."
Jonny: [dropping a coin in the jar] "Here you go, Eddy."

[Eddy smiles but then realizes something's wrong.]

Eddy: "HOLD IT! Plank forgot to pay."
The Kids: [chanting] "Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!"
Rolf: [as the kids continue the chant] "Let me wait no longer!"
Ed: [peeking out from behind the stage curtain] "Hiya, folks!" [The kids cheer.] "Waggidy-doo! I'm too hot to use in a pot! Slick me back, cause I'm happening."
Edd: [happy] "Ed is a sellout!"
Eddy: "We'll dig him for the encore."

[The door bursts open and the Kankers walk in.]

Lee: "We forgot our money."
Eddy: "Kankers." [Edd gasps, and the kids turn around.]
Ed: [still performing] "Yabba dabba crackers!"
Lee: [approaching the stage] "Ooh, Ed the Great." [getting in his face] "I'm waiting." [to a dumbstruck Ed] "Say something."
May: "Yeah, say something funny!"
Marie: "Funny and smart!"

[Ed can't think of anything, so he pulls out his page and looks at it.]

Ed: [scouring the page] "Um, okay. Um–"
May: [snatching the piece of paper] "Give me that! Yabba dabba? Hey, you're cheating!"
Marie: "I like cheaters!" [She spins him out of his jacket into one of the curtains.]
Ed: "Eddy?" [He pulls the curtain down on himself. The kids gasp.]
Edd: "Oh my."
Ed: "Who turned out the lights?" [Eddy slaps himself on the forehead. Ed stumbles into Lee, who pushes him away. Eddy and Edd both run to stop him.]
Eddy: "Ed! Look out!" [Ed falls down, and Edd and Eddy run into each other.] "Ed! You gotta show to do!" [He pulls a piece of the curtain off of Ed's head.]
Ed: "Hey Eddy."
Eddy: [desperate, he pushes Ed back to center stage] "Get back out there!" [Ed falls in the middle of the stage.]
May: "Let us help you up."
Marie: "Yeah, lets!" [They help him up and then rip his clothes off, effectively pantsing him. The Eds gasp, and then Lee pushes Ed back.]
Eddy: "Watch it!" [Ed runs into them, and they all fall into a wheelbarrow of manure. The barrow rolls forward, right in front of the kids.]
Sarah: "You all STINK!"
Rolf: [pinching his nose] "Yoy!"

[The kids exit quickly.]

Ed: [pulling at his undershirt] "Do you like my shirt?"
Lee: "Hey, Shakespeare. Great show. Worth every penny." [She jingles the jar of money.]
Eddy: "My money!" [The wheelbarrow tips over.] "Give it back!"
Lee: [exiting, her sisters in tow] "Have fun in the mud, you three little piggies!"
Eddy: "AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" [He runs after them.]
Lee: "Thanks again." [She pulls the door shut, and Eddy runs into it. He then slumps to the floor, beaten.]

[The Eds are outside the candy store. Ed is happy as ever, Edd is holding a block of ice to his head, and Eddy is grumpy.]

Eddy: "I don't believe it. All that money! All that fame! Gone."
Edd: "Would you please lower your voice? Those drinks left me with a very painful headache."
Ed: "Hey guys?"
Eddy: [grumpy] "What is it Ed?"
Ed: "I say, the cheese is always twice the fence post!"
Eddy: "I wish I had a fence post, Ed."

Sir Ed-a-Lot [1.3a]

[Jonny walks by Eddy, who is washing a cool-looking red car]
Eddy: Hey, Jonny boy!
Jonny: Hi, Eddy! Nice car!
Rolf: [dropping by] Hello, Eddy. May we shop for meat in your fancy car?
Eddy: Keep dreaming, Rolf.
[Nazz and Kevin approach, and notice Eddy and the car]
Eddy: [rolling the window down, sitting in the driver's seat] Hi, Nazz.
Nazz: Wow, Eddy, cool car! [Eddy rolls the window back up]
Kevin: [tapping on the window] Hey dork! Whose car is it, you twerp?!
[Eddy cranks up the volume on the car radio, causing both Nazz and Kevin to run away)
[Edd now stops by]
Edd: Hey, Eddy. What are you doing?
Eddy: Just buffing the wheels.
Edd: Whose car is this, Eddy?
Eddy: Beats me. Where's Ed?
Edd: I called his residence, but no answer.
Eddy: Let's hunt him down!
[Edd and Eddy come upstairs. Exiting the basement, they see Ed.]
Eddy: [to Edd] "And I thought you had problems."
[Ed is in a long, flowery dress and a summer hat with his usual jacket.]
Ed: "Quick. Run away!" [his friends laugh] "Don't fool around! Run!"
Eddy: [taunting him] "Excuse me ma'am, can Ed come out and play?" [Sarah suddenly shoves Edd and Eddy apart.]
Sarah: "Hey! No one can join my tea party without dressing up!"
Eddy: "Forget it, Sarah."
Sarah: [to Ed, who doesn't want to get involved] "Tell your stupid friends it's my way or the highway!" [She sucks in a big breath of air and holds it.]
Eddy: "Good luck."
Ed: "Sarah, stop it."
Eddy: "Look, she's changing colors." [Sarah's face turns red]
Ed: [Sarah's face turns green then yellow] "Please Eddy, she's gonna blow up." [Sarah's face turns blue then purple]
Eddy: "Cut it out, Sarah."
Ed: "Eddy, just put on the dress!"
Eddy: "No way, Ed!"
Ed: "Aaaah! She's leaking, Eddy!" [tears ooze down her cheeks] "Sarah, don't blow up!"
Eddy: "All right, I'll wear the stinking–"
Sarah: [appearing with a dress] "Here you go."
Sarah: "I am the queen, and you are my servants. Now,–"
Ed: "Smashing hat, Eddy." [Eddy growls.]
Sarah: "As I was saying, I am the QUEEN!"
Ed: "And we are your serv-i-ants."
Eddy: [annoyed] "Next thing you know she's gonna want a throne!"

[Ed and Eddy dive for the finish. Ed comes out ahead by half of his body.]

Edd: "Prince Jimmy has won!" [He brings the flag down.]
Sarah: "You lost horsie! Bad bad bad bad!"
Eddy: [fed up] "This stinks!" [He tries to leave.]
Sarah: "To the dungeon with him!"
Eddy: [as Jimmy giggles] "The dungeon, oh no! I'm sooo scared!" [Sarah pulls a rope, releasing a cage onto Eddy.]
Sarah: "Bye bye!"
Eddy: [trapped] "Ed, get me out! Ed? Double D?"
Sarah: "Bring me my fool!"
Ed: "Okay."
Eddy: "Spoiled brat."
Ed: "Please Eddy, play along." [He lifts the cage.] "Here's the fool!"
Eddy: "No way!" [Ed places a jester hat on Eddy's head.]
Ed: "Eddy's a great fool, huh Eddy?"
Eddy: "I said no!"
Sarah: "Bad babysitter! I'm telling Mom you left me all alone!"
Ed: "But I won't get paid." [He puts his head in his hands.]
Eddy: [eager] "Did you say paid? You're getting paid? I'm here for you, pal."

[Edd blows his horn.]

Jimmy: "This is fun!"
Eddy: "I just flew in from Peach Creek and boy,–"
Sarah: "Are you stupid."
Eddy: "Yeah, so why'd the chicken cross the road?"
Sarah: "To lay an egg, just like YOU ARE NOW!"

[Eddy stands still until he gets an idea. He pulls out a puppet of himself.]

Eddy: "Say, Eddo, what's a ghost's favorite lunchmeat?" [as Eddo] "Boo-loney!"
Sarah: [getting in his face] "YOU STINK!"
Eddy: [to Ed] "She has no taste! I used all my best stuff!"
Ed: "Don't give up now, Eddy!" [He throws Eddy back in.]

Sarah: "Well?" [Eddy pulls out a top hat and fishes around in it. He finds what he's looking for and pulls out Edd. A tomato hits him in the face.]

Ed: [handing Eddy some items] "Here Eddy, juggle this stuff. I'll get more."
Eddy: "More?" [He tosses the stuff in the air and juggles it.]
Jimmy: "Ooh. Juggling!"
Sarah: "Boring."
Ed: "Here Eddy. Juggle this too!"

[Ed throws a table at Eddy. Eddy somehow manages to catch it and keep his rhythm. Ed then throws a chair at Eddy. This is followed in short order by another table and Edd. Ed then throws a cactus at Eddy.]

Ed: "AAH!"
Eddy: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

[The things Eddy was juggling fall down as Sarah laughs.]

Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He catches the chair and sets it in its rightful position.] "AAH!" [A table hits Eddy on the head. Ed rushes to catch a TV and a toaster.]
Eddy: "AAAAAAAHHHHH!" [A canoe lands on him, knocking the cactus off him. Ed catches an aquarium. Sarah continues to laugh.] "That's not–" [A fridge lands on him. Edd opens the door and climbs out.]
Sarah: "That's more like it!" [She grabs a vase and raises it over her head.]
Ed: "Sarah! Don't throw stuff!" [The vase hits him on the head, but Eddy catches it before it can hit the ground. Sarah then throws a lamp. After Ed catches it, she begins to throw other things. These include the chairs that make up her throne.]
Eddy: "I got it!" [The stool lands on his head]
Edd: "I've got it." [He gets trapped in the deck chair]
Ed: [looking inside the chair] "Double D?"
Edd: "Hello." [The chair snaps shut on his hand. He yanks his arm back and hits Eddy on the head with the chair.]
Ed: "It wasn't me."
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [They leap off their thrones.]
Eddy: "Grab her!" [He leaps for her.]
Ed: "Eddy!" [He leaps on Eddy.] "There she goes!"

[Sarah goes to a table with a lamp on it. She throws the lamp and the table in the air.]

Ed: "Sarah!" [The lamp lands on Eddy's head, and the table lands on Ed's.]
Eddy: "GET HER DOUBLE D!"
Edd: "Oh no I couldn–" [Sarah and Jimmy run by him.]
Sarah: [dangling a vase] "Hey Ed?" [She drops the vase.]
Ed: "Sarah!"
Edd: "This is not good."
Eddy: "My money!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are bouncing on the couch. Sarah takes a picture off the wall and throws it. Jimmy follows suit with a vase. Eddy, trying to catch one, collides with Edd. Edd somehow manages to get the picture anyway, and Eddy grabs the vase inches above the floor.] [The room is utterly destroyed. The Eds get up in the midst of this mess.]

Eddy: "Wow. What a dump."
Ed: "We gotta stop them!"
   Eddy: [considering] "Think Eddy, think. Bingo!"

[Sarah and Jimmy are having a pillow fight in her room.]

Jimmy: "Bad doggy."

[Edd blows his horn.]

Edd: "All hail the great King Eddy!" [Eddy is sitting on the rebuilt throne, with Ed beside him.]
Eddy: [as Ed crowns him] "Thanks, squire."
Sarah: [infuriated] "King? There is no king! I'm queen!"
Eddy: "Yeah right." [He pulls the rope, and the cage descends around Sarah.]
Jimmy: [frightened] "My queen! Aah!" [He runs and hides.]
Sarah: "I AM THE QUEEN!"
Eddy: "You're a squirt!"
Ed: "Oh no. Oh no." [He facepalms.] "My mom's gonna kill me. We gotta do something!"
Edd: "I have a suggestion."

[Edd takes a small paintbrush and paints something in white. Ed, beside him, uses a bigger paintbrush to paint something in blue.]

Eddy: [entering] "How's it going? Ooh, nice work." [Ed and Edd giggle, pleased.] "It's perfect! [He accidently dips his hand into the paint on Ed's shirt, then wipes if off on Ed's face.] Let's set her up."
Ed: "Yeah, let's do it!"

[He drags it onscreen. It is a poorly drawn painting of Sarah, Jimmy, Ed, Edd, and Eddy standing in the middle of the living room.]

Eddy: "There. All clean and fixed. Your mom will never know." [chuckles]

A Pinch to Grow an Ed [1.3b]

[The kids are playing in the playground. Sarah and Jimmy, in particular, are playing with a baby carriage. Eddy comes up to them]
Eddy: Hey!
Sarah: Eddy, we need a new dolly. Wanna be our new dolly?
Jimmy: Yeah, dolly!
[They both giggle. Eddy walks off, unhappy]
Kevin: [coming up to him with Nazz] Hey, squirt, where's the tall dorks?
[Eddy walks on. He sees the Boy playing with a basketball]
Eddy: Hey, Rolf! Quick, pass it, c'mon Rolf, pass it!
Rolf: You are too little, Eddy, I might squish you.
[Eddy, grumpy, moves on]
Eddy: Yeah right.
[Eddy's Friends Ed and Edd are playing on the swing set. Edd jumps off and lands perfectly on the ground. Ed jumps as well, but reconsiders immediately]
Ed: Too high! [grabs the swing and holds it as he comes back to earth. The swing drags him through the dirt, making a trench]
Eddy: [off-screen] You call that a jump?
Ed: Eddy!
Eddy: Watch and learn. [takes a running start at the swing. He jumps on it, letting it carry him higher, and then jumps, landing a ways away]
Edd: Bravo, Eddy! You've broken another record!
Eddy: Chin-ups, anybody?
Ed: Me first! [rushes ahead of the other two Eds, jumps, and grabs a bar]
Eddy: Hey!
Edd: [grabbing one of the monkey bars as well] Come on, Eddy!
[Eddy attempts to reach the bars, but his height won't allow it. Ed and Edd let go of the bars, and Ed gives Eddy a boost]
Eddy: Hey, I don't need your help, Ed.
Ed: [tickling him] Oh, yes you do.
Eddy: Stop it!
Edd: [tickling Eddy] A little boost for Eddy.
Eddy: Knock it off!
[Both Eds tickle him. Eddy's grip on the bar weakens, and he falls into the dirt at its base]
Ed: You're too little, Eddy.
Eddy: [threatening to throttle Ed] I'M! NOT! LITTLE!
Edd: A lot of important people were short in stature.
Eddy: I'M NOT SHORT! [walks off]
Edd: But I-I...[trails off. Ed and Edd look at each other and shrug. They then head off after Eddy]
[Ed pats Eddy on the head]
Eddy: Stop it, Ed! We're the same height. So get over it, I am not short!
Ed: But we like you short.
[Eddy turns around and shoves Ed. Instead of knocking Ed back, he himself slides back a few feet]
Eddy: You think you're so tall. [walks off, alone]

[Eddy walks along a field of flowers, ripping some out and destroying them.]

Eddy: "I'm not short. I'm just fine. I'm perfect!"
Lee: [suddenly appearing] "Hi, little Eddy."
May: "He's so cute."

[The Kankers proceed to physically harass him, putting their hands all over his face.]

Marie: "Look at that baby face."
Lee: "He's such a little brat."
Eddy: "I'm not little! Got it?" [He tries to walk away, but May blocks him.]
May: "Not so fast, pipsqueak."

[Eddy moves in the other direction.]

Marie: "Hold it, stubby."

[Eddy moves to the center of the circle of Kankers.]

Lee: "Where ya goin, shrimp?" [The sisters cackle evilly.]
May: "Let's kiss him!" [Her sisters sigh in agreement.]

[Eddy looks desperately for a way out. He finds one by plowing through the flowers.]

[Ed and Edd are in the lane, searching for Eddy.]

Edd: "Eddy? Eddy?"
Ed: "Eddy? Oh, Eddy?"

[Eddy walks through a space where a couple of fenceposts are missing. Ed and Edd spot him.]

Ed: "Hey! Wait up, Eddy!" [Eddy continues walking.] "Eddy!"

[Eddy goes into his room and shuts the door in order to brood.]

Ed: "Eddy?"
Eddy: "No tall people allowed."
Ed: "We can help you be tall."
Edd: "Eddy?"
Eddy: [peeking out] "You can?"

[Eddy is being stretched out.]

Ed: "Look, Eddy's so tall!" [Eddy is holding on to a tree while Ed pulls on his legs. Edd is making calculations.]
Sarah: "Ed!" [Ed releases Eddy.] "What're you doing?"
Ed: "Making Eddy tall."
Sarah: "I'm telling Mom."
[Sarah runs off.]
Jimmy: "I wanna be tall."
Sarah: "C'mon, Jimmy." [Jimmy runs after her.]
Ed: "Let's try plan B!"

[Eddy is sitting on a stump while Edd drafts plans. Ed comes up with a package.]

Ed: "Plan B!" [Eddy stands up.] "Say Aah." [Eddy opens his mouth.] "Wider!"
Eddy: [opening his mouth wider] "Aah!"
Ed
"Eat this." [He stuffs the package in Eddy's mouth. Eddy swallows it. Ed then pulls the cord on the package, and Eddy bulges.]
Edd: "Well, he's certainly wider." [Ed hugs Eddy, making him taller.] "Eddy! You're tall!"

[Eddy shoots out of Ed's arms. He hits a tree, a fence, and the ground before finally running out of momentum.]

Edd: "No time for rest, Eddy. The plans are complete. To my garage!"

[Eddy is outside the garage, trying to find out what's going on inside. On the inside, Ed and Edd are readying themselves for intense experimentation. Outside, Eddy tries to look in through the window but fails, because of his height.]

Edd: "Saw." [Ed hands the saw over, and Edd uses it.] "Heat." [Ed hands over a welder.]

[Eddy, on the outside, is tapping his foot. The door opens slightly, and Eddy rushes in.]

Ed: [putting him back outside] "It's not done yet, Eddy."

[Eddy groans in frustration.] [Inside, Edd uses various hoses on the product. He then spits on two brushes and uses them to shine the invention.]

Edd: "Okay, Ed, they're ready! Let him in."

[Ed opens the garage door, and Eddy leaps in.]

Eddy: "So?"
Edd: "Behold! Walking braces." [The braces in question are two boots on top of accordion-like platforms.] "You will become like a giant among the low-set."
Eddy: [pushing them away] "Do I look like a clown?" [when Ed picks him up] "Hey!"
Ed: "C'mon Eddy, try them on!"
Eddy: "Put me down! I don't wanna put on your stupid boots!"
Edd: "But Eddy, they'll make you taller."
Eddy: "Taller?" [He lets Ed put the boots on him.]
Edd: [holding a one-button remote] "This remote control, when pressed, activates the shoes–"
Eddy: [snatching the remote] "Gimme that!" [He presses the button and holds it. The shoes raise him up a few inches.] "Nice boots, Mr. Inventor Smarty-PaAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

[The accordion platforms shoot upwards, ramming Eddy through the ceiling. Eddy comes down a few seconds later, dazed.]

Eddy: [confused] "Nice pants, Mr. Smarty-Boots, nice..."
Edd: "Careful Eddy, that button is very sensitive."
Eddy: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever." [He presses the button, and starts walking forward. With each step, he gets taller.]
Edd: "Bravo, Eddy!"
Eddy: "C'mon, boys!"

[The Eds exit the garage.]

[The Eds are by the playground.]

Eddy: Check it out [seeing Sarah and Jimmy Laughing] "Hello, dollies."
Jimmy: [scared] "Eeee! Aaah!" [He drops the dolls, and Eddy steps on them.]
Eddy: "Hey! Playing with dolls is fun!"
Sarah: "You big ape!"
Eddy: "Big! And don't you forget it."

[Kevin and Nazz are on the sidewalk, grooving to the radio. Eddy approaches them.]

Eddy: "Hey Nazz."
Nazz: "You're looking tall!"
Eddy: "Tall. I like the sound of that!"
Kevin: [indicating the shoes] "What are those supposed to be?"
Eddy: "Just the latest footwear. Check 'em out!"

[Eddy puts a shoe on Kevin's head and presses the button. The shoe presses Kevin's face into the ground. Eddy laughs evilly.]

[Rolf is still playing basketball. He raises the ball over his head and slams it onto the ground. The opposite force sends it into the air. When it comes down again, Rolf heads it into the basket. Eddy catches it after it falls through.]

Rolf: "5 Oh, in a row."
Eddy: "Betcha can't do that again."
Rolf: "Ya. I'll make you believe, small fry."
Eddy: "Do it."

[Rolf again heads the ball. This time, however, Eddy rises up and catches the ball in mid-air.]

Eddy: "Nice try, Rolfy." [He takes the ball and stuffs it in Rolf's mouth.] "I love being tall. Maybe now I'll get some respect around here."
Lee: [making a sudden appearance with her two sisters] "If it ain't Tater Tot."
May: "And his two corncobs."
Eddy: [quietly, to his friends] "Stand back, boys." [He marches up to the Kankers and presses the button, raising himself up about 10 feet.] "Are YOU talking to ME?"

[The Kankers giggle.]

May: "Sure are."
Marie: [pointing at the shoe supports] "Would you look at them. He's got himself a pair of big shoes!" [The Kankers laugh.] "Like a circus clown!"
Lee: "What's this?" [She grabs the remote.]
Eddy: "Hey!"
Lee: "Let's see what this does!" [Lee presses the button, and Eddy comes down to earth.]
Eddy: "No!"

[Lee then pushes the button three times quickly, and Eddy shoots into the sky.]

Edd: "Oh dear. They're not meant to go that high."

[The button is pushed again, and Eddy comes down. He lifts one leg. The button is pressed, and the shoe takes a sizable chunk out of the fence near Edd and Ed. It then retracts. Ed goes to look through the hole, and the other shoe knocks him through it. He climbs out and stands in front of the hole. Predictably, he is kicked through again. The shoe rebounds and hits Eddy in the face. It then becomes perfectly plain that Eddy has no control, as the shoes push and pull at him in various painful ways.]

Marie: "Gimme that!" [She snatches the remote and pushes the button repeatedly.]
May: "My turn!" [May presses the button until the remote breaks apart in a puff of smoke.]

[Eddy's shoes begin to quiver. He then shoots to a great height. He stays there for a few minutes, but the supports give out, sending him back down again.]

Eddy: "AAAAAAAAHHH!" [He hits the ground to the sound of a discordant, crashing piano chord.]

[Ed walks over to a hole in the ground.]

Ed: "Cool. Hi Eddy!" [He slips and falls into the hole.]
Edd: "Ed?"

[The Elevator Boots expand tremendously, lifting the Eds incredibly high.]

The Eds: "AAAAAAAAHHHH!"

[The Eds end up in space. They are suspended only by Eddy's boots, which are tilting back and forth.]

Lee: [kicking through the struts, destroying them] "Timber!"
Eddy: "Uh oh."
Ed: "Aah!"
The Eds: [falling] "WWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" [Sarah and Jimmy are playing with the carriage.] "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Eddy: "NOOOO!"

[Sarah and Jimmy scatter. Ed and Edd land beside the carriage, creating a hole of their own. Eddy suffers a much worse fate, landing INSIDE the carriage. When Ed and Edd go to look for him, they see him sucking on a bottle, decked out like a baby.]

Ed: "Aw, look! Coochilly coo!" [Eddy looks at him, unamused. Edd and Ed run away with the carriage.] "Cute little fella. You know, Double D, he's got your eyes."

Dawn of the Eds [1.4a]

[Eddy is fiddling with a rope and Ed]
Eddy: Ed? Ed? [exasperated] Will you quit moving around? [sweetly] Oh, Ed.
Ed: Yes, Eddy?
Eddy: [twanging Ed's nose] STAND STILL!
[The rope gets tied around Ed. The other end goes around a tree limb. Edd approaches Ed with plastic wrap]
Edd: This will protect you from any disgusting or unsavory life forms you may encounter. [wrapping Ed from head to toe in the plastic wrap]
Ed: Cool. [a snorkel is shoved in his mouth] Cool!
Eddy: Okay Double D, let's pull! [the sounds of them straining are heard, and Ed begins to lift off the ground] PULL!
Edd: [straining] Ed weighs a ton.
Eddy: I'm getting a hernia. Hey, Ed! How's it look?
Ed: [unintelligible] Mur murr, grr growf. [while Eddy leaves and studies the angles, he signals that he's in position, still unintelligible] I'm okay. I'm okay.
Eddy: [coaching Edd, although no longer helping] A little lower...c'mon, Double D. Easy now. Lower...[Edd's strength gives out and Ed drops into the dumpster] Perfect! [Ed is swimming through the muck of garbage] Think of the treasure, Double D! Hmm? [pausing] I wonder how long he can stay down there?
Edd: Well, according to the Particle Ratio of–[the line goes taught, smashing him against the tree limb]
Eddy: That's the signal! [grabbing Edd's legs and pulls on them, pulling Ed out of the dumpster]
Edd: Hey!
Eddy: [guiding the rope] Bring him over...easy now...[to Ed] Any luck, burrhead?
Ed: [hard to understand] Oh, yeah! [holding up 7 soda bottles and a test tube on his fingers]
Eddy: YES! [releasing the rope]
Edd and Eddy: Woohoo! We're rich! Poised for jawbreakers! All right! [Ed lands on them, interrupting their celebration]
Ed: [still unintelligible] Woohoo! Now we can buy jawbreakers!
[Ed walks down the Lane, still plastic-wrapped. Edd and Eddy follow in his wake]
Eddy: We'll be slurping jawbreakers for weeks.
Edd: Uhh, actually, Eddy, with current exchange rates, maybe an afternoon's worth.
Eddy: Uh, you don't know what you're talking about. What do you think, Ed? Ed? Ed? Ed? ED! HEY! What's clogged up your brain, Ed?
Ed: That! See? "Robot Rebel Ranch"!
The Eds: [amazed]: Ooooooh.
Ed: "Marooned on a distant planet!". "Visitors in the void!". "No escape!". Huh? AAAAAAAAAAH! [Zooms into "Adults Only" on the poster twice] It's not fair! Aw, if only I were older.
Edd: Don't worry Ed. We'll see it on TV in a year.
Ed: Yeah, with all the good stuff cut out.
Eddy: Don't sweat it, guys. Where there's a will, there's a scam. The first thing we do is we cash in these babies for ticket money. [shaking Ed's hand, jingling the bottles] ONWARDS, SPACE MONKEYS!

Vert-Ed-Go [1.4b]

Eddy: [fishing for something in a sewer grate] I got it! I got it! I got it!
The Eds: Awww.
Edd: Be patient, Eddy.
Eddy: Okay. [we now see that Eddy has a piece of bubble gum on the end of some string. He is fishing for a quarter at the bottom of the hole. He catches the quarter with the gum] Bingo!
Ed: Commence lift!
Edd: Careful.
Eddy: Okay, okay!
Ed: [worried] Aw, it's falling off, Eddy!
Eddy: I got it! I got it! [pulls it out of the sewer]
Edd: Slowly...
Eddy: [pulling it off the string] Hey! [flipping it in the air and catches it] Who's the man with the plan?
Ed and Edd: Eddy!
Eddy: You got that right. [holding up the quarter in triumph, but the bird grabs his quarter out of his hand] Hey! My money!
Ed: That bird just stole my gum! Hey! [runs off to look for it]
Eddy: [falling to his knees] When does this torment stop? It was in the palm of my hand! Who invented birds anyway? [Edd pulls out a telescope and looks through it] What good are they?
Ed: I lost the bird. Look! That plane's got a cape!
Edd: [turns to look, and the telescope hits Ed on the back of the head] Where?
Ed: Who's there?
Eddy: [walking up to them] It's towing a sign.
Ed: What's it say?
Edd: It states, "It's hip! It's now! Come to Joe's Clubhouse!".
Ed and Eddy: Huh?
Eddy: [with an idea] Guys! What if we had a clubhouse?
Edd: With clean sheets!
Ed: And a roof!
[The Eds are loping down the street]
Eddy: [distressed] I tell you Double D, we gotta find a location. Without one, it's hopeless! [Edd stops walking.] Double D. Double D? [he looks back to see Edd staring at something, transfixed]
Edd: [pointing] There. [grins widely]
Ed: Oh.
Eddy: What?
[Edd is staring at a tall, strong tree. The branches at the top seem to be placed to build a treehouse]
The Eds: Cool.
[Ed and Edd run for it, but Eddy pulls them back]
Eddy: Wait! We have to inspect it first. Double D, come with me. [walks over them on the way to the tree. He begins his inspection. This involves walking around the tree, and looking at it from different angles. Ed's part is more straightforward; he just goes up to the tree and slams his head against it]
Ed: It's a funny tree. [a bird's nest falls onto his head. A bird, with a quarter in its beak, rises out of it]
Edd: [inspecting the tree] Hmm. [examining the leaves] Leaf foliage seems healthy. [sniffs the tree] This tree is perfect! This is our new clubhouse!
Ed: [hugging the tree] Our own clubhouse! This will be so cool. Where's the door, Eddy?
Eddy: Hey birdbrain, that's a tree? We still need to build the clubhouse. [noticing Ed's bird] That's the bird that took my quarter! [the bird flies away] I hate birds.
Ed: [crushes his friend with a hug] It's okay, Eddy. We got a tree!

Read All About Ed [1.5a]

[Eddy is in his bed, snoring away]
Eddy: [dreaming] Oh, no no, who else? Of course! [grabbing a tissue box] I accept this award on behalf of myself.
[His room begins to shake as though an earthquake is going on. He wakes and, after some nervousness, gets out of bed. The shaking of his room rattles him and throws him against the window, where he looks out to see Rolf's tractor cutting his grass]
Eddy: [screaming at Rolf unintelligibly] Gra grammit grammit, gra grammit grammit grammit...
Rolf: Good morning, Eddy. Nice haircut. [continues to cut the grass as Eddy screams]
[Eddy is walking down the street in his underclothes, a pillow against his head]
Eddy: This will do. [falls asleep on the sidewalk, where Edd finds him a bit later]
Edd: Good morning, Eddy! [when Eddy doesn't respond] Eddy?
Eddy: [waking up] Get out of my room, Double D.
Edd: I'm outside, Eddy. I've got a paper route! [holding out his bag as evidence]
Eddy: [yawns] Why?
Edd: I'm saving my earnings for an electron microscope! I've only got nineteen thousand, four hundred and seventy-two dollars and eighteen cents to go!
Eddy: [waking up completely] Double D! If you can make that much dough with one route, think of what you could make with five! No, fifty!
Edd: [powerless, realizing Eddy has designs on him] But–but-but Eddy!
Eddy: No buts. Ed'll help ya!

Quick Shot Ed [1.5b]

[The episode opens outside Eddy's house before transitioning into the attic]
Eddy: [off-screen] C'mon guys, it's up here. [a door on the floor opens, and Eddy comes through]
Edd: Careful, Eddy.
Ed: Who's there?
Eddy: [flips the light switch on] Told ya!
[The Eds are standing in the middle of fields of debris]
Ed and Edd: Cool attic, Eddy!
Eddy: Eh, my folks are pack rats.
[Edd, walking around, comes upon a toaster, which pops up two slices of moldy toast. Ed comes upon a shelf of records]
Ed: Mmm, I found a donut.
Eddy: That's a record, chowderhead. [drops a box on his head accidentally]
[Edd blows the dust off some books. He then picks one up and flips through it, and then looks at another. This one yields a centerfold]
Edd: Perfect specimen! [the centerfold is of a praying mantis]
[Ed goes over to a coat rack and picks up a fur coat]
Eddy: [finding a camera] Way cool!
Ed: [behind Edd] I am a werewolf! AWOOO!
Eddy: Hey, Ed!
Ed and Edd: [turning around] Huh?
[Eddy snaps their picture. The flash makes them dizzy and disoriented. They fall back into a pile of magazines]
Ed: [starting to unfuzz] Cool! Do it again, Eddy!
[Eddy snaps another photo. This one shows Ed and Edd together in the pile. Edd has a book on his head, and Ed is holding up rabbit ears behind Edd]
Eddy: Check it out!
Edd: [seeing spots] Eddy, I'm temporarily impaired.
Ed: Let's see let's see! [grabs it and looks at it]
Eddy: Hey, Eds! Let's go take some pictures! [snaps yet another shot]
[Eddy is in the lane, snapping pictures]
Eddy: Smile!
Kevin: [enters the shot] Hey dorks! [Eddy snaps a picture of Kevin, and the flash goes off] I CAN'T SEE! [crashes into some trash cans, knocking them over] Real smooth, Edhead.
Eddy: [sarcastically] Sorry, Kevin. [gets ready to snap another picture]
Kevin: Why you'll be sorry, twerp! [Eddy takes the shot, blinding him] Stop moving! [slips on a bottle and falls into another trashcan. The trashcan tips, and he rolls down the lane in it]
Ed: Let's take more pictures!
Edd: Hmm. Um, we could make ID cards.
Eddy: Nah, there's gotta be a way of turning pictures into profit. [sees a calendar lying in the trash] Hey! I just stepped into my best idea yet!
Ed and Edd: Huh?
Eddy: Let's make a calendar! We take pictures of the kids, and sell 'em back to 'em. [snaps a picture, signaling a scene transition]

An Ed Too Many [1.6a]

[The Eds are in a backyard, looking at something. As we zoom in, we see they're looking for four-leaf clovers]
Ed: One, two, three... Nope. One, two–[sees a caterpillar crawling on his hand]–hello! [watches it move] Cool.
Edd: One–
Ed: [moving past, imitating the caterpillar] I am going to be a beautiful butterfly.
Eddy: Three, three...it's got to be a four. A four-leaf clover means good luck. And luck means we'll be able to talk people into anything.
Edd: [dreamily] With good luck, the daily chore of applying fabric softener would become a thing of the past!
Ed: I got it! I found some luck! [trips over a sprinkler and slides underground, ending up at Eddy's feet]
Eddy: Where's the clover, Ed? [Ed sticks his hands out, revealing a Baby Blue Gym Sock] What's with the weed?
Edd: Actually, Eddy, it's a very Rare flower. [Eddy grabs it by its stem] Please, be gentle, Eddy!
Eddy: Yeah. Cute, whatever. [tosses it over his shoulder. Edd catches it just before it hits the ground]
Ed: [with a mouthful of dirt] Amn duh.
Eddy: Is a four-leafed clover too much to ask for? Bingo! [found one and holds it up] Feel the magic, boys! [a deep rumbling is heard] Huh?
Ed: [hearing the rumbling sound] EDDY! Help me! [jumps into Eddy's arms]
Eddy: Hey! You're giving me a hernia, Ed!
Ed: It sounds like the howl of a werewolf from the belly of Hades!
Eddy: Ah! Get off me, Ed! [throws him down] That's your belly!
Ed: [stares at his rumbling stomach for a few seconds and chuckles] I'm hungry.
Eddy: Let's go to my house and make some pizza!
Edd: I'll make the sauce!
Ed: I'll get in the way and make a big mess.
[Sarah and Jimmy are playing hopscotch]
Sarah: Your turn, Jimmy.
Jimmy: Here goes. [hopping on squares] Whee!
Ed: [rushing past him] Double cheese, hold the onions!
[Eddy comes by and erases the squares around Jimmy's, leaving him stranded]
Jimmy: I'm stranded!
Sarah: [angry] Eddy, you blockhead!
Jimmy: I'm falling! [Sarah catches him and sets him upright]
Sarah: Got you, Jimmy. [to a passing Edd] LOOK WHAT YOUR STUPID FRIEND EDDY DID!
Edd: [turning around] Excuse me.
Jimmy: Is that a Baby Blue Gym Sock? [he and Sarah sniff it] It's beautiful.
Eddy: [off-screen] C'mon, Double D!
Edd: [handing Sarah the flower] Here. You keep it.
Sarah: [sniffing it] Aah. Double D and me were meant to be. Whee! [skips off after the Eds, leaving Jimmy all alone]
Jimmy: Sarah?

Ed-n-Seek [1.6b]

[Eddy peeks out of a couch cushion. With one hand, he pulls out a giant dustball. He blows it away]
Eddy: Find anything, Ed?
Ed: [under a chair cushion chewing on something] Three potato chips, and my old button.
Eddy: [incredulous] No loot? I'm going back in.
Ed: Hey c'mon, Double D! Couch diving is lots of fun. [chuckles as he scuttles back into the chair like a crab]
Edd: No, no, Ed. You can get nasty scratches from upholstery tacks. [shines his flashlight under the couch]
Ed: Oh, wow! Way cool!
Edd: Dust mites?
Eddy: [popping his head out of the couch] Cash?
Ed: No, my lost issue of Slug-U-La magazine!
Eddy: Tell me Ed, what's it like having buttered toast for a brain? [Ed jumps on the couch, shoving Eddy back in. Edd sits beside him] Ed!
[The door opens and Jonny walks in]
Jonny: What's that, Plank?
Plank:
[Jonny goes back and closes the door. He then jumps into a cabinet and hides. The Eds watch surreptitiously. Jonny then goes over to a bookcase. He puts Plank near the top. Plank scans it]
Jonny: See anything, Plank?
Plank:
Jonny: Try where? [holds Plank out like a dowsing rod. Plank settles on a vase. Jonny picks up the vase and shakes it. Sarah pops out] Plank found you! [runs off]
[Sarah follows, grumpily. The Eds look at each other, and then head outside to see what's going on]
[Once the Eds arrive, Nazz runs by. Jimmy runs in the other direction]
Jimmy: You can't catch me!
Eddy: Hey, Peewee!
[Kevin hits them with his bike. They all fly into the air. Eddy is the last to come down, and he lands on a running Rolf's back. He positions himself into Rolf's eyesight]
Rolf: Hello, Eddy!
Eddy: What's happening, Rolf? [Rolf stops, launching Eddy forward. He looks around, smiles and plunges his head into the dirt like an ostrich] What's going on?
Rolf: I cannot hear you, I am invisible. Goodbye, I have gone to the market.
[Kevin rides by]
Eddy: Hey, Kevin. [has gotten on Kevin's bike]
Kevin: Get off, dork.
Eddy: I know what you're doing. You can't fool me. I'm too smart.
[Kevin rides up the side of a tree and into a hollow hole in the wood, causing Eddy to fall onto the ground]
Ed: Hey, look!
Eddy: What?
[Jonny has wedged himself into a missing fence post's space. He puts Plank up to his face and turns the board around]
Eddy: I don't get it. What gives?
Sarah: Ready or not, here I come!
Eddy: [realizing what's going on] Oh yeah! Hide-n-seek!

Look Into My Eds [1.7a]

[A sign is shown. It shows some kind of wheeled vehicle over the words "Candy Store". The kids are beside the sign, apparently waiting. We then cut to a vehicle. Edd is inside, while Ed is pulling it like a horse. Eddy is sitting on top, holding the reins]
Eddy: Whoa! WHOA! [Ed stops by the sign] All aboard.
[The kids board, dropping quarters into a can Edd holds out as they climb on]
Rolf: Good-bye.
[Ed stands there panting until Eddy blows a horn in his ear]
Eddy: Next stop, the candy shop! [blows the horn again, and Ed takes off] Whoa! Ha!
[Ed heads up an incline]
Jonny: Isn't riding the bus fun, Plank?
Plank:
[The bus crests the hill and starts going down]
Eddy: [not sure about Ed's speed] Easy there, big boy.
Ed: Heads up, Eddy!
Eddy: Huh? [looks up to see low hanging branches, each of which hit him] Oh! Ow! Ow! Whoa!
[Inside the bus, things are getting chaotic. The kids are having trouble keeping their balance. On the outside, the bus is going faster than Ed. This leads to Ed being pressed against the bus' front, unable to control its speed. The kids start to scream]
Edd: Ed, do you think you can slow down a bit?
Ed: [shaking his head] Uh, No. [slips down and goes under the bus]
Eddy: Huh? [fumbles with the ropes and finds the empty bit] Not good. [sees Ed stranded on the sidewalk a ways back]
Jimmy: Runaway bus!
Eddy: Waooh!
Edd: Eddy?
Eddy: Women and children first [he and Edd jump out of the bus, leaving the kids to their fate]
Edd: I'm afraid this constitutes a refund.
[The bus is heard crashing in the distance]
Ed: [coming up to them] Hey, what are you guys doing up there?
Eddy: Knitting sweaters, you maniac! What are you doing?
Edd: Look! [a mail van goes by] The mail's here! [getting a package out of his mailbox] Oh boy! Mail!
Ed: Is it for me?
Eddy: [grabbing the package] It's for me! [tears open the paper]
Edd: But Eddy–
Eddy: [looking at the book that was delivered] A book? [tosses it away]
Edd: Hey! [grabs it] It's my new psychology manual!
Eddy: Why do you read that mumbo-jumbo stuff?
Edd: It covers the latest techniques in abnormal human behavior. [pointing to an inkblot] Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind.
Eddy: Money!
Ed: Book!
Edd: [with a new one] And this?
Eddy: Cash.
Ed: [after a long pause] Buttered toast!
Edd: [closing the book, to Ed] Well, you're psychologically normal.
Eddy: How is buttered toast normal? Let me see. [grabs it and rifles through the pages] Where's the answers? [a swirling, black and white wheel on a wooden stick falls out] What's this?
Ed: Buttered toast!
Edd: That is a hypnotizing wheel. Allow me to demonstrate. [spins it in front of Ed, causing his eyes to swirl in black and white] Ed, listen to my voice. You will become what you've always dreamed of. One...two...three! [snapping his fingers]
[Ed starts dancing. He does some ballet while the other two laugh. He then grabs Eddy and starts dancing with him. He throws Eddy in the air, and forgets to catch him when he comes down. He then picks up Eddy and does a tango]
Eddy: Stop him, Double D!
[Edd giggles until Eddy gets flung into him]
Edd: [snapping his fingers] Back to Ed, please!
[Ed stops in the middle of his routine. He loses his balance, does the splits, and falls on his face]
Ed: Ow. My calves hurt.
Eddy: [picking up the wheel] I've waited all my life for this opportunity.
Edd: Oh, dear.
Eddy: Let's go hypnotize more people!
Edd: But Eddy, I don't think that's such a good idea.
Eddy: Have I ever steered you wrong?
Edd: Yes.
[Eddy runs off, and the other two Eds follow]
[Kevin is riding his bike in circles in the lane. The Eds peek out from behind some bushes]
Eddy: Our first pigeon. [to Kevin] Oh, Kevin!
Kevin: What?
Eddy: I just want you to look at something.
Kevin: Other than looking at a dork?
Eddy: [chuckling, he pulls out his wheel] Look closely! Listen to the sound of my voice. [Kevin's eyes swirl in black and white] You will become what I've always wanted you to be. [snapping his fingers]
Kevin: [twitching as he undergoes a mental transformation] Duh! Gah. Yowch! Gloing! [transformation complete, he is now clearly a monkey]
Eddy: Find the peanut, Kevin.
[Kevin goes over to Ed. He then chomps down hard on Ed's forehead. Ed runs screaming with Kevin attached]
Ed: AAAHH! GET HIM OFF ME, EDDY! GET HIM OFF!
Eddy: Bingo.
[Edd scribbles some notes on a notepad]

Tag Yer Ed [1.7b]

[A box of Chunky Puffs is sitting in a cupboard. On the cover it says "Free Prize!"]
Ed: [grabbing it] Yum yum yum!
Edd and Eddy: Chunky Puffs!
Eddy: [grabbing the box] Ooh, a prize.
Ed: What is it? [takes the box] Low in fat. Cool!
Eddy: Don't wreck your brain, Ed. [steals the box back and rummages through it] You gotta know where to look!
Ed: [leaping on Eddy] Give me my fat! [looking through the box, he pulls out Eddy] Oh, look! No fat, but I got an Eddy prize!
Eddy: Yeah? Well I got the SUPER STUFFED MARSHMALLOW SURPRISE! [pulls the prize out and stuffs it in Ed's mouth]
Edd: [taking the box from Ed] You should chew your food, Ed.
Eddy: Any time you feel like letting me go there, Lumpy, I'd really–[Ed drops him]
[The Eds are on a log in the Lane, eating dry cereal]
Edd: Gracious Ed, don't you have any manners? [plucks one Puff from the box and eats it] May I have another? [a football hits him on the side of the head, knocking him off the log]
Kevin: C'mon, dork, throw it over!
Edd: Certainly, Kevin. Here it comes! [throws it up in the air. It comes down and ends up in approximately its initial position] Huh? [attempts to roll it but it doesn't go far]
Kevin: [laughing] You throw like a two-year-old.
Rolf: Ya, and two-year-olds are not even good at stuffing sausages! [they both laugh]
Edd: [humbled] Well um...my skills aren't uh–
Eddy: He'll show you!
Kevin: Show me what, his butterfly collection?
Rolf: Ya, and butterflies cannot stuff sausages either!
Kevin: [walking away with Rolf] Stop with the sausage stuff, Rolf, you're killing me!
Rolf: [in the distance] You crazy?
Kevin: Ha!
Eddy: [to Edd] Don't let him get away with that!
Edd: But I do have quite an extensive collection of butterflies-
Eddy: We need to help you with your confidence, Double D.

Fool on the Ed [1.8a]

[Eddy is running, his tongue hanging out of his mouth. He stops and goes into a slide. He slides straight into Ed's window and lands on his feet]
Eddy: Ed!
Ed: Hi, Eddy. What a surprise. Could you pass me the glue?
Eddy: Sure, Ed.
[Ed giggles as Eddy walks over to get the glue bottle. He puts his hand around it and then notices there is a wire. The wire leads around a few pipes to a radiator, above his head]
Eddy: [holding the radiator above Ed's head] Here's your glue, Ed. [drops the radiator on him]
Ed: Ouch. [when he rises, he has two lumps on his head and a rope tied to his back]
Eddy: [climbing out Ed's window] Nice try, Ed. Let's get Double D.
Ed: Okay, Eddy. [walking forward, pulling the rope taut. When it stretches to its full length, something tips, spilling white goop all over him. Now blinded, he steps back onto a dumbell and rolls backwards, into a wall]
Eddy: [laughing, as Ed now has a table stuck to him] C'mon, Ed, quit fooling around. Let's go. [holding out a hand to help him up] Alley-oop. [pulls Ed]
Ed: The window's–[Eddy pulls him]–too small, Eddy.
Eddy: [keeps pulling while straining] Gee, Ed, you need to work out. [finally pulls Ed out. He comes out as a strange statue, with him in his underwear at the peak, glued to the table. Eddy laughs]
Ed: I'm ready. Can we go now?
[Ed and Eddy rush to Edd's house. Eddy climbs up a tree outside an upper story window and swings inside. Ed tries to copy him, but hits the wall instead and plummets to the ground. In his room, Edd is mixing chemicals. Eddy comes up behind his chair]
Eddy: Whatcha doin', Double D?
Edd: Did you wipe your feet?
[The phone rings]
Eddy: Phone.
Edd: Uh, could you please answer that?
Eddy: Yeah, sure. [grumpily] What am I, everybody's errand boy?
[Edd chuckles to himself as Eddy reaches the phone. And as he reaches it, he sees something on it. The something is three sticky notes]
Eddy: Pick me up, huh? [Edd is seen, giggling in the foreground while Eddy talks in the background] Hello. Yeah? Oh, really? Double D? Sure, hang on. [Edd's hand inadvertently tilts, and he spills a test tube full of one solution into a beaker. A huge explosion results, sending him across the room, through his bed and into the wall. Eddy walks in] Oh, Double D! Some girl on the phone wants to talk to you.
Edd: M-m-me? [dusting himself off] How do I look, Eddy?
Eddy: [placing roller skates in the hall] It's a phone call, Romeo.
Edd: Thank you, Ed–[stepping on the skates]–d-d-D-DY! WHOAA! WAAAH! [hitting a ramp made of books] Gulah! [falls into a bucket of water on a spring placed in his path] D'OH! [the resulting rebound catapults him up and into a bag of flour on a pedastal on a spring] WHOA! [said spring sends him flying off] Huh? YAAAHH! [Eddy waits at the other end of the hall, chewing some gum. He blows a giant bubble which Edd flies into] AAAAAAAH! [this does nothing to slow Edd, and he flies out the window] WHOAA! [crashes into some bushes] Puleah!"
Eddy: [comes up to them, laughing, and putting a finger under Ed's nose] You guys are so easy! [twangs Ed's nose, and Ed falls back onto a whoopie cushion]
Ed: Excuse me.
Eddy: [pulling out the whoopie cushion, he blows it in Ed's face] Keep trying, guys. [shaking hands with Edd. Apparently he has a joy buzzer on as well] Maybe one day you'll get lucky! [congratulating himself] I am truly the king of ALL the PRANKSTERS! I'll bet that before sundown, I can prank this entire cul-de-sac! Are you with me?
Edd: Like we have a choice?

A Boy and His Ed [1.8b]

[Edd and Eddy are rushing down the lane, carrying a door on their backs]
Ed: Dig a hole, dig a hole. [dumping a cupful of dirt on a pile of the stuff] Dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole, dig a hole.
[There is a huge trench stretching across the lane]
Eddy: Hey, Mole-boy!
Edd: Careful, Ed, we're about to drop the–
Eddy: Door! [drops it, creating a bridge across the trench] Perfect fit. Sarah'll never miss it. [walking across the bridge]
Eddy: [looking over a fence, holding a hose] Ready, Double D?
Edd: Ready when you are, Eddy. [beginning to turn a crank attached to the bridge, lifting it. Eddy sucks on the end of the hose. Soon enough, water comes out through his ears, and he uses it to fill the ditch]
Eddy: We're gonna be rich, I tell ya.
[The hose leads to a kiddie pool in which Sarah and Jimmy are playing. It sucks out all of the water]
Jimmy: Sarah, I think we sprung a leak.
Sarah: [enraged] ED!
Ed: [hearing his sister in the distance] That sounded like Sarah.
Eddy: Nah, it was a truck backfiring.
Edd: Look, it's working!
[The moat is indeed filling]
Eddy: See? Everyone'll have to cross our toll moat to get to the lane! Brings tears to your eyes, don't it?
Ed: [knocking on the door and entering] The door works! [stepping into the moat]
Eddy: Ed! Your sponge brain'll soak up all the water! [Edd laughs]
[Ed swims underwater. He finds the hose which, as he watches, spits out Jimmy's swim trunks. He surfaces, trunks on his head]
Eddy: Well, if it ain't the ugly duckling.
Ed: [attempting to chomp Eddy] I'm a crocodile, Eddy.
Edd: Kevin approaches!
[Kevin comes down the lane with a huge box in his arms]
Eddy: Greetings, weary traveler! For a small toll, you can cross the moat.
Kevin: Huh? Yeah, right. I'm just here to–
Eddy: [sticking the bowl in his face] Only fifty cents! And we'll lower the bridge to the land of the lane.
Kevin: I was gonna give you guys something. [pushes the pole back across, the pan hitting Eddy]
Eddy: Hit the road! I've heard that one before.
Kevin: You've probably heard this one before, too: Dork! [leaves]
Edd: I think Kevin was really gonna give us something, Eddy.
Eddy: Yeah. Lip.
[Jonny and Plank come down the lane, each sucking on a jawbreaker]
Jonny: Aren't these jawbreakers good, Plank? [almost steps into the moat; he is able to keep his balance, however, and get back to dry land]
Ed: I'm a croco–[the door slams down on him]–dile.
Eddy: [having crossed over to talk to Jonny up close] Hey, Jonny. Where'd you get that jawbreaker, hmm?
Jonny: Kevin just gave Plank and me one for free! Isn't that right, Plank?
[The Eds beat it down the lane, looking for Kevin]
Eddy: Quick! We gotta find Kevin!
[They come upon Sarah and Jimmy, the former still in her swimsuit and the latter with an inner tube, with jawbreakers in their mouths]
Eddy: Where'd you get those jawbreakers?
Sarah: Kevin gave them to us.
Jimmy: He's got a whole box.
Sarah: Didn't you get one?
Jimmy: Mmm! They're so good!
Eddy: A whole box? [literally shaking his friends] A WHOLE BOX! FREE JAWBREAKERS!

It's Way Ed [1.9a]

[Eddy is curled up in bed, snoring away. His alarm ticks and goes off. Eddy reaches out a fist and smashes it. He then throws it into a pile of other smashed clocks near his turntable. He nuzzles back into the covers and tries to sleep. Ed and Edd open his door stealthily, however, with the express intent of making mischief. They tiptoe to the middle of the room, and Edd makes some hand gestures]
Ed: 2, 3, I am going! Aah!
[Eddy screams, suddenly awakened. It is apparent that Ed and Edd have jumped on his bed]
Eddy: [clinging to his disco ball] Are you nuts?!
Edd: [lifting the blinds] It's a beautiful day!
[The sun shines directly on his disco ball, blinding him and causing him to fall off]
Eddy: WAAA! WOOAH! [falling onto his bed and pulls the blankets over his head]
Ed: [laughing] C'mon Eddy, let's do something! [jumping on Eddy]
Eddy: [groaning] Hey, what day is it?
Ed: Tuesday?
Edd: [working it out] Tuesday.
Eddy: Details, details. Let me check my 'Who To Scam and When' book. [muttering to himself] Tuesday, Tuesday, Saturday Rolf, Sunday Kevin, Monday...[trailing off, going into his closet] Ha! Jonny 2x4! [while putting on his clothes] He gets his allowance today! [finishing putting his shirt on. Speaking in an evil tone] Let's pay Jonny a visit.
[We see the lane. Eddy peeks out from behind a fence, Ed then rolls past to the other side, Edd peeks out above Eddy, and Ed then peeks out from the other side]
Ed: Jonny?
Edd: I don't see him, Eddy.
Eddy: Start searching. [sneaking down the lane. Ed and Edd follow after him]
Ed: Tally-ho! [sneaking through the trees] Wait up, Eddy!
Eddy: [at the end of the lane] See him? [two large planks move past. Many pairs of them move past, although none of the Eds notice. And afterwards, Ed falls out of a tree] This stinks.
Ed: [noticing the planks. Eddy notices Plank, taped to one of them, and only then does he see the moving wood. Ed looks up] There's Jonny!
Jonny: [on stilts, scat singing a tune] Bum ba dump bump bump.
Eddy: What's he doing up there?
Ed: Hi, Jonny!
Sarah: [also on stilts] Look out, Ed!
Edd: Hello, Sarah.
Eddy: Nice chopsticks.
Sarah: [annoyed] They're stilts, Mr. Know-Nothing!
Jimmy: [smug] Stilt-walking is the latest fad. Everybody's doing it!
Eddy: [pretending not to be ignorant] Aah, we know. We left our stilts at home. [to Ed and Edd] C'mon. [dragging them away]
Jimmy: Wait for me, Sarah! [getting his retainer caught on one of the stilts] Nnnygh! Aah! Ow. [presumably, he falls]

Laugh Ed Laugh [1.9b]

[Eddy is in a van made of cardboard going around the cul-de-sac. The van apparently sells cheap ice cream. The van suddenly stops]
Eddy: C'mon guys, it's gotta look real! Push it smooth!
[We now see that an exhausted Ed and Edd are pushing it from the back]
Edd: Can we please–[panting]–take a break?
Eddy: Just a couple more feet! We'll be rich! Onwards! [Ed and Edd push the truck to the center of the cul-de-sac] Perfect! [ringing a bell] Ice cream! Big scoops! [to Ed and Edd] Start making the ice cream. [calling again] Real cheap! Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!
[Ed and Edd start making the ice cream. Edd rolls up a piece of paper into a cone and pours glue into it]
Edd: One scoop, please. [handing the cone to Ed and begins work on another cone]
Eddy: Ice cream! Get your ice cream here! [Ed glues a baseball to the cone. He then dips the baseball into pink paint to make a strawberry ice cream cone replica] Big scoops! Real cheap! Ice cream!
Ed: [examining the final product] Drink, mister?
Edd: [handing him another cone] One scoop, please.
Eddy: [getting impatient] C'mon, c'mon. [looking around and sees nobody] Ice cream! Big scoops! Hello? Ice cream! [puzzled] Where is everyone?
Edd: Maybe they're on to us.
Eddy: Nah. This one's foolproof. [patting the van, which falls apart around him] I'll look around. [walks off as Ed eats one of the fake ice creams]
Edd: What are you doing, Ed?
Ed: Get your own!
[They begin to fight over the ice cream]
Eddy: WHERE IS EVERYBODY?!?! [his voice echoes around the neighborhood, and the camera shows that it is completely deserted] I don't get it.
Ed: It is simple, Eddy. [pauses to think of an explanation] The kids entered a wormhole and were spewed into an alternate universe! [Edd and Eddy look at him cynically] Simple.
Eddy: [grabbing Ed's ice cream] You're simple. Let's check the houses. [they walk off, but Ed doesn't follow] Ed. [Ed follows the other two]
Eddy: [at someone's door] We'll get to the bottom of this. Hmm? [ringing the doorbell three times and waits. He then holds it down for a few rings and lets go] Someone's coming!
[The door opens]
The Eds: Huh? Ewwwwww.
Jimmy: [appearing at the door, very sick. He has red spots all over him, and has some strange liquid on his head. He spoke to the Eds, deliriously] Hello, Mr. Postman. Are those eggs for me? [scratching himself furiously]
Eddy: Look at his face!
Ed: It's so gross! [moving toward Jimmy] Can I touch it?
Edd: [blocking his way] Ed! No! He's got chicken pox. Touch him and you'll get it too.
Eddy: Double D! Behind you! [pointing to Jimmy, who has crept up behind Edd. Eddy grabs a handy sign and uses it to prod Jimmy backwards] Back, chicken boy! Back! Back! [pushing Jimmy into the house and shuts the door]
Ed: [looking at the sign] Hey, look!
Edd: [sees a sign that says "Quarantine"] Oh, dear! A quarantine!
Ed: I've seen this before.
Eddy: Where?
Ed: [points] There.
[Each and every house in the cul-de-sac have quarantine signs everywhere]
Edd: It must be an epidemic!
Eddy: So I-uh-guess we're the only ones not sick. Heh heh.
Edd: So it seems, Eddy.
Eddy: So what, we can still do something. C'mon, boys. Let's do something! [starting to run off]
Ed: Like what?
[Eddy stops, and he and his friends contemplate this. A while later, they're still contemplating]
Ed: Oh, I got an idea!

A Glass Of Warm Ed [1.10a]

[Edd is sleeping in his room when a sudden noise awakens him. He sits up and scans the room until his eyes rest on his open window. He shivers and grabs his cactus, Jim. He then sets off downstairs, where more noises can be heard. There is a light coming from the kitchen. He looks in and sees someone raiding his refrigerator]
Edd: [freaked out] Oh, dear. An intruder. Eating all the food out of my refrigerator. In bare feet! So unsanitary. [peeking around the corner again and sees nobody. He walks over to his still open fridge and looks in it. Suddenly, the kitchen windows burst open, and he raises his cactus like a weapon] I've got a cactus! Uh...[he then looks back at the refrigerator. He is staring, specifically, at the bottom left drawer. He reaches for it and opens it slowly. There is something inside which suddenly rises up] GAH! [the blob inside is revealed to be Ed. Ed is the midnight intruder, and he is still eating a string of sausages. He looks relieved] Ed? You practically scared me out of my one-size-fits-all pajamas. Do you know what time it is? [Ed reaches into a jar of pickles and plucks one out. He then proceeds to drink the whole jar, abandoning his selected pickle] Um, Ed? [holding his cactus out to protect himself] D-Don't make me use this! [Ed opens his mouth and takes a bite out of the cactus. He was horrified] You ate Jim. Ed, cacti have feelings just like you–[stops and stares at Ed. Ed comes back carrying many various foods] Hold it right there, mister! Ed! Stop! Where are you going with all my food? Ed, they'll spoil! [Ed comes back and takes Jim. He then proceeds to climb out the kitchen window with his supplies] Ed, come back here and close this refrigerator door! [Ed, oblivious, walks on] Ed! [coming up with a course of action] I need to wake Eddy. Oh, dear. A paradox.
[Edd leaves his house and rushes over to Eddy's]
Edd: [tapping on Eddy's window] Eddy. Eddy. Oh...Eddy, are you awake? [Eddy groans and gets up to go to the window] This is an emergency. [Eddy looks out at Edd] It's Ed.
Eddy: [blearily opened his back door] Who turned off the sun?
Edd: Good. You're awake. We have a problem, Eddy! [talked rapidly in Eddy's point of view] Ed was in my house. My kitchen. My refrigerator! Not that it's any different than any other day. But, well, it was late, y'see. And I usually like to get eight hours of sleep. But Ed was eating. Has eaten. Has taken all my food! I asked him. Talked to him. But no reaction! He just kept eating. Do you hear me Eddy. Ed. Is. Sleepwalking!
[Eddy yawns. The screen door of his house slides open, and Ed walks out, carrying armloads of food]
Eddy: [surprised] What's he doing with all my food?
Edd: Ed is like a swarm of locusts ready to purge the cul-de-sac and all its good people of their food!
Eddy: [unmoved] Y'know, you scare me when you talk like that. Let's go see what Big Ed's up to!

Flea Bitten Ed [1.10b]

Ed: Hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail, hammer a nail. How's it look, Eddy?
[The nails in his mouth fly upwards. We then get to see that Ed is hanging upside down off the roof]
Eddy: Ed, you put the sign on upside-down!
Ed: No, I put the sign on the garage!
Eddy: Just flip it over, Ed.
Ed: Flip it? Got it!
Edd: Ah... I think I'm ready to tackle anything with my fine assortment of short and long, hard and soft hairbrushes.
Ed: [flips the entire garage over] I flipped it, Eddy!
Edd: Well, I can read it...
Eddy: Ed's Pet 'Boutique' is open for business!
[Ed laughs, as the camera focusses on the sign, before fading to the next scene]
[The Eds are at Rolf's farm]
Eddy: Rolf's got tons of stinky animals.
Edd: [gleeful] They're absolutely filthy! Ow!
Ed: Yes I am.
[Rolf is seen working metal. He holds up his piece, which is something in the shape of a chicken's foot]
Rolf: Goodbye. [plunging the hot metal into a barrel of water. Steam rises, and he pulls the piece out. He then notices the Eds] Hello, sneaky Ed-boys. I am much too busy making shoes for my chickens, so no time for Rolf to talk. Work is good. [a shoe-clad chicken tries to move but is unable to] And good is a stomach full of Mama's cooked food. But you would not know this. Goodbye.
Edd: We're here to assist you, Rolf, and Eddy–
Eddy: You got a lot of dirty animals there, Rolf, and we have the only pet-cleaning service in the neighborhood.
Ed: I put up the sign!
Eddy: So, for a little green, we'll make your dirty, flea-infested animals clean!
Edd: [worried] Flea-infested?
Rolf: You must be poking my eggplant. That would give me more time to watch the curd rise from the cheese of my grandfather's back! Okay, Ed boys.

Who, What, Where, Ed [1.11a]

[Eddy and Edd are trying to clean the eggs off of themselves]
Edd: No eggs, no omelets, Eddy.
Eddy: If we had a chicken, we'd be knee deep in eggs. [gets an idea] A chicken! That's it!
Ed: [leaping on Eddy] A chicken! Oh please, Eddy, can we get a chicken? C'mon, Eddy! Oh please, Eddy, let's get a chicken. Can we please? [pleading] I love chickens, Eddy!
Eddy: Sure, Ed, you can have a chicken. [sinister] But I get to keep the eggs.
[A chicken is sitting on a nest in a bucket. Rolf suddenly picks it up]
Rolf: The hay is warm and tells Rolf all. [pulls out an egg] Ah. The fat has been creamed, and I will sleep well. A fine egg. Rolf will remember.
Ed: Look! Chickens!
Eddy: And they lay eggs! Hey Rolf, fire over that egg-maker!
Ed: [chasing a chicken] Chickens are fast.
Eddy: C'mon, Rolf, give us a chicken!
Rolf: Has your brain turned to custard like half-priced pastry, Ed-boy? I give you no chickens! [Ed drops the chickens he is holding] It is very simple, like yourself. You hatch your own fowl.
Edd: An opportunity to nurture the life and future of a domestic fowl seems appealing.
Ed: Where do eggs come from, Rolf?
Rolf: [picking up a chicken] Let me show you exactly where the egg comes from–
Edd: No! Um...eggs come from chickens, Ed.
Ed: Where does a chicken come from?
Rolf: An egg, slowpoke Ed! My day is half over and you are half full. Goodbye.
Eddy: Wait! Rolf! How about that egg?
Rolf: You must trade for the egg, greasy Ed-boy.
Eddy: Trade? For what?
Rolf: Sawdust. You want this egg, yes, Ed-boy?

Keeping Up With The Eds [1.11b]

[Ed and Eddy are at Edd's house, the former ringing the doorbell. He then rings it again. He then rings it eight more times. Edd answers it on the seventh ring overall]
Eddy: Alright, already! [walking into the house] Hey, Double D!
Edd: Good morning, Eddy! Um, Eddy, could you–
Ed: [walking backwards] Hi, Double D.
Edd: [giggling] Oh, good morning, Ed. Wait! Eddy, please remove your shoes. I just waxed the floor!
Eddy: Always with the shoes. Alright, alright. [takes his shoes off]
Edd: Thanks, Eddy.
Ed: [using his teeth] Look, no hands! [removes his shoe, and the smell of his feet invades]
Eddy: [pinching his nose shut] Phew! I think the circus is in town!
[Ed steps forward in his socks and immediately topples over. He takes another step and barely manages to stay on his feet. He then begins to "skate" around the room]
Edd and Eddy: Freestyle floor-skate!
Edd: First one to the kitchen makes lunch!
Eddy: See ya, Sockhead! [takes off]
[Edd giggles and then begins to skate, gracefully]
Ed: Beep beep! [runs into Edd. Instead of running Edd down, Ed instead pushes Edd in front of him]
Eddy: [at the fridge] I win! [Ed skates into him. Ed then falls down. Edd sprawls on top of him, and Eddy on top of them]
Ed: [with a sticky note over his nose] Oh no! My nose! My nose is flat! [picking the note off his face] And someone wrote on it!
Edd: Thank you, Ed, my parents leave me–
Eddy: [snatching the note] Let me see that! [reading it] "Dear Eddward, please make your bed, wash your hat, and wear clean underwear. Love, Mom. P.S.: Father would like to talk to you. See note 6A, Section E." [looking around the sticky note filled kitchen] Holy cow! Would you look at all those sticky notes? [reading various notes] "Eddward, do the laundry, wash the windows, lift the seat,"-
Edd: Excuse me, those are personal! [noticing one] Oh dear. Father wants me to mow the lawn! I detest mowing the lawn!
Eddy: Ah, cutting the grass is easy. Even Ed here could do it.
Ed: 'Cause I'm simple!
Eddy: Unleash the power, Double D! Bring out that gas-guzzling, pull start power mower with the side grab bag.
Edd: Okay, Eddy. Here it is! [takes the tarp off a push mower]
Eddy: What the–that's an old push mower! It's easier to pull teeth than cut the–[having an idea] Oh, Ed.
Ed: Yes, Eddy?
Eddy: Check it out. Doesn't that lawn mower look like the thermo-destructo Whibble-Whacker from Space Leech 4?
Ed: Yeah!
Eddy: [whispering] Attack the Whibbles.
Ed: THE WHIBBLES! [starts pushing the mower at a furious rate] ATTACK THE WHIBBLES!
Eddy: And you don't even have to clean up after him.
Ed: WHIBBLES AWAY! [Eddy is on the back porch, sipping lemonade] OUT OF THE WAY, CITIZEN!
Eddy: What did you call me?
Edd: [after Ed plows through a flowerbed] Oh, dear, Ed! [Ed runs over a flamingo] STOP! DESIST! [Ed destroys the picnic area] Discontinue! Refrain! Abstain! [broken wood covers him]
Ed: [finished mowing the lawn] Whibbles have been terminated, Eddy.
Edd: [freaked out] My backyard! There is no backyard! Oh, this is not good. Oh dear. This is worth another ten sticky notes.
Eddy: [looking at the destroyed backyard] So Ed cut the grass a little close to the ground. Big deal. It's a simple fix, Double D. We'll just grow it back.
Edd: That'll take weeks!
Eddy: Not with what I got! [grabbing Ed] C'mon, Frankenstein.

Eds-Aggerate [1.12a]

[Two deck chairs are tied to a clothes-drying contraption in a backyard. Edd is oiling the pole in the center]
Edd: The Lawn Chairs Orbit Earth Ride is ready.
Eddy: [by a ticket booth] Ticket booth ready!
Ed: [fenced in] Petting zoo A-OK!
Eddy: They'll push, they'll shove, they'll pay big bucks to come to our "Ed-Land"!
Edd: I'd like to run a preliminary test first.
Ed: Oh oh, test the petting zoo!
Eddy: [climbing on to the ride] Hang on to your eyebrow, Ed.
Ed: Pet me now!
Eddy: [uncomfortable] This chair stinks!
[Eddy is carrying a stool to Ed-land. Ed is following him with an armchair]
Edd: [protesting] You're tampering with the laws of weight and balance, Eddy. Eddy? [sighs] Ignorance must be bliss.
[The armchair is hooked onto one side of the ride, not effectively counterbalanced by the lawn chair still on the other side]
Eddy: Now we're talking.
Edd: Shall we begin, Ed? Contact!
Eddy: [after Ed fails to push Eddy's chair] What was that? C'mon, musclehead, push! [Ed grabs the chair and pushes it hard. Eddy disappears into a whirling blur. As he spins, the rope starts to come apart. The one holding his chair up snaps and shoots him up, up, and away, flying] WE'RE GONNA BE RICH!
[In the distance, the chair is heard crashing]
Ed: My turn!
Eddy: The Mucky Boys!
Kevin: Mucky...boys?
Eddy: Yeah! They were dumped off by a tornado! And raised by field mice. In a cave, near the construction site. And they eat their weight in cheese, and they throw comfortable armchairs through the air and smash, into your window.
Kevin: Baloney!

Oath to an Ed [1.12b]

[The Eds are at a pond in the woods. Ed and Eddy get out of their clothes]
Eddy: [to a clothed Edd] Okay, Double D, cough 'em up.
Edd: Um, I'm fine, Eddy. Really. I like my new clothes.
Eddy: Yeah, right. [Ed jumps in the pond] Ready, Ed?
Ed: I practiced, Eddy! Splish! Splosh! Splish! Splosh! [continues in the background]
Eddy: [to Edd] I had a gerbil like him once.
Edd: Why is Ed acting like a washing machine?
Eddy: Give it up, Double D. [puts Edd in the pond]
Edd: EDDY! Oh, dear. I'm mixing my colors with my whites.
Eddy: [throwing his clothes in] Think of the money we could make doing everybody's clothes!
Edd: I'd rather not.
Eddy: Bing!
Ed: Spin cycle! [spins in circles at a high rate of speed]
Eddy: Bing!
Ed: Washer off!
Eddy: [getting his clothes] They should be nice and comfy now!
[The clothes crumble into dust]
Ed: Look! Stain's gone! [holds up Double D, whose clothes fall apart as well, revealing his underclothes. Edd sheepishly covers himself]
Eddy: [dressed normally, eating cherries] No big deal. Our old clothes are way better.
Edd: Ahem. No, Eddy, that's much better. Our old clothes are much better.
Eddy: Doth my English bug you, bumpkin?
[Ed eats a tree branch. When he finishes, he jolts in pain and sticks out his tongue to reveal a beetle biting his tongue. Edd and Eddy laugh until Eddy is suddenly grabbed by a net]
Rolf: [dressed in a strange uniform, going over to Jimmy and Jonny, who sport the same clothes] And that is how to save the helpless kitty from a tree. Easy one two three. [dumps Eddy out] Thank you, spoiled Eddy.
Eddy: [noticing Jonny's clothes] Will ya look at that! Hey, Jonny boy, how's a squirt like you end up with such a cool uniform?
Rolf: I see you like Jonny's uniform, big mouth Eddy. Would you and your fellow Ed-boys like to wear our uniform? Come, I invite you to the privilege to earn one badge. And you too will become Urban Rangers!
Ed: But I like being Ed.
Eddy: One badge for a cool uniform? It's a steal! [to Rolf] Tell us what to do, Rolfy boy!

Button Yer Ed [1.13a]

[Edd approaches a grapefruit. He twists it, examining it. He then digs his spoon in. A spray of juice hits him in the face, drenching him]
Eddy: [entering through the screen door] I smell breakfast. [letting the door swing shut]
Ed: [entering through the screen door] I smell friends.
Edd: Ed, the screen door?
Ed: Let's watch it.
Edd: Do you realize you've opened a door for all winged insects to invade my home?!?!
Eddy: [with a dull tone in voice and facial expression] You just had to get him started, didn't you, Ed?
Edd: [trying to pull the screen together] The annoying buzzing and their insatiable urge to bite is enough to make your skin crawl! [hearing the buzz of a fly] Do you hear it? [runs to a drawer and rifles through it, coming up with a flyswatter] Okay. We're safe. Everyone stay calm. I've got it under control.
Eddy: It's on Ed!
Ed: Get it off, Eddy, get it!
Eddy: [hits Ed and slapping Edd on the back] Bingo! Gah. This guy's quick! [grabbing the flyswatter] I got it I got it! [Ed hits him with a newspaper] Ow!
Ed: [swatting at the air] Prepare to meet your doom, buzz-bug with wings that flies!
Eddy: [bringing the flyswatter down on Ed's head] There it is! Hey, get back here! [knocking Edd over] Look out. It's too fast! There it goes! I got him! I see him! I got him! I see him! I got him! [the fly zooms into Eddy's mouth. Eddy clutches at his throat in shock. He cannot speak]
Ed: What? I can't hear you, Eddy. [coming to the obvious solution] MY EARS ARE BROKEN!
[Eddy points to his throat]
Edd: It seems the fly has lodged itself into Eddy's voice box, [Eddy nods] disabling his ability to talk!
Ed: [yanks one of Eddy's hairs off of his head. Eddy squeals in pain] Eddy can't talk!
Edd: I know of a temporary solution. [ties a bell around Eddy's neck] Just ring this bell when you need to communicate.
[Eddy rings the bell]
Ed: Hello!
Edd: Eddy's trying to say something!
[Eddy opens his mouth]
Ed: Eddy wants an umbrella.
[Eddy shakes his head]
Edd: The latest in Chemistry Theories magazine?
[Eddy shakes his head again]
Ed: Buttered toast? [Eddy just shakes the bell. A moo comes from outside. Edd and Eddy lean on each other to look. He leans on both of them] Let me see!
[They collapse]
Rolf: [walking by with a cow] Hello, embarrassing Ed-boys! [sees Eddy's bell] Why is Eddy wearing a bell like a cow? [laughs]
Ed: Eddy forgot his voice.
[Eddy rings the bell]
Edd: And talks to us by ringing this bell.
[Eddy rings the bell again. When they ignore him, he donks it against his forehead]
Ed: Hey! Eddy's talking.
Edd: What is it, Eddy?
Ed: Eddy needs to water...the Christmas tree because it's dry!
[Edd and Eddy look at him oddly. Eddy then rings the bell again]
Edd: Eddy would like a dictionary! [the bell rings again] An atlas?
Rolf: Eddy is hungry!
Edd: [confused] Eddy's hungry?
Rolf: Yes. Do you not hear it? Are you so simple? Come, you are invited to Rolf's for food and merriment.
Rolf:...but my will was strong in the ways of the reading of the bells. Enough about Rolf. Please, let us fill our faces.
[The Eds and Rolf are seated at a table. On the table are many meats, cheeses, and fishy dishes]
Ed: Hello! [pokes an octopus] Cool. I saw this movie!
Rolf: [with a squid on the end of his fork] Movie bad. Food is good! [drops his fork] Ed! You are disgracing yourself! [Ed is wearing the octopus on his head] Tell me how good my fish sticks are, please.
[Edd has a plate of fish on sticks in front of him. Rolf signals for him to eat]
Edd: Curse my polite ways. [biting into one, his eyes watering] A gastronomic coup, Rolf.
Rolf: Eat, hungry Eddy, eat!
[Eddy stares at the sausage in front of him. It explodes into ground meat, and he pushes it away. He rings his bell]
Edd: What's Eddy saying, Rolf?
[Eddy points at the table and then to his own mouth, rolling his eyes]
Rolf: Hmm. It seems that Eddy would like one of us to feed him like a baby.
[Eddy sits there, astonished at how far off Rolf is]
Ed: Ooh! Ooh! I'll do it! [rushes over to feed Eddy, leaving the octopus spinning in midair. He moves a spoonful of sausage meat to Eddy's mouth] Eat your smelly sausage, Eddy. Here comes the choo-choo! [jams a spoon in Eddy's mouth] Chew it all up or no octopus for you, mister.
[Eddy, trying to push Ed away, rings his bell again]
Edd: Translation, Rolf?
Rolf: Eddy wishes to work off the sausage with outdoor activity.

Avast Ye Eds [1.13b]

[The Eds, with their clothes torn and soaked through, are seen coming out of the creek. Rolf is then shown in tourist apparel, jiggling some coins]
Rolf: Hello, Ed-boys! When is the next sailing? My flesh begs me for sun and sweat! [Edd hands Rolf the deflated inner tube] What? Huh?
Edd: I was kind of hoping my first kiss would be enjoyable.
Eddy: Alas, the sea is a cruel mistress.
Ed: I'm stuffed!
Jimmy: [floating by in the background] Hair emergency! Hair emergency!
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